De-escalating Challenging Calls

Over the past fortnight I have worked with five different organisations operating across a range of service areas (Local Government, University, Tribunal, Membership Organisation, Statutory Authority) and with each team, our conversation around de-escalating challenging phone calls has been the most needed. Many of the professionals I meet express that responding to an unexpected, and emotionally heightened phone call can be the hardest task of their week.

My view is that managing challenging phone calls is part of conflict work and sometimes these calls are unexpected. If you have a process to follow, and hold firm on your boundaries, then you can move through an unexpected, challenging call, just like any other complex task on your list. Like any other task, I think it's important to break down a difficult phone into smaller parts and focus only on what we can control.

Here are my top tips for getting through a challenging call:

1. Check in with yourself

Dealing with difficult phone calls can be a challenging task. Whether it's a customer complaint, a heated argument, or simply a misunderstanding, it's important to remain calm and composed in order to defuse the situation. If you are in a state of heightened emotion (looming deadline, sick child, relationship troubles, unexpected bill, worry over an upcoming presentation), do not persevere with a difficult and unexpected phone call. Instead, focus on how you can reschedule the conversation. If we can't stay unhooked and in control of our own emotions, there is no point in continuing with a conversation that will require us to de-escalate others' emotions.

It's natural to feel frustrated or upset during difficult phone calls, but it's essential to keep your emotions in check. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you're there to help and resolve the issue, and whatever they are upset about is not your personal problem.

2. State and Reinforce Limits

If you do pick up the phone on an unexpected and difficult phone call, at the start of the conversation, let someone know what your limits are in terms of time and, if relevant, the scope of what you can discuss. You can phrase limits positively by saying something like "Bob, I can hear you are upset, and I am glad that you have called to talk it through with me. I have another meeting in 15 minutes, but I can definitely answer your questions about that report in the next 10 minutes"

3. Active Listening

One of the most powerful de-escalation strategies is active listening. This involves fully focusing on the other person's words, tone of voice, and body language, without interrupting or getting defensive. Also, when you do speak, use summaries to reflect back what you heard from the other person and acknowledge their perspective. By actively listening, you can better understand their concerns and respond appropriately.

4. Empathy

Another key strategy is to show empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their emotions and perspective. By acknowledging their feelings and validating their concerns, you can establish trust and respect, making it easier to de-escalate the situation. Empathy can be learnt and developed if you understand and accept its importance in successful communication.

5. Use Positive Language

Positive language can help de-escalate difficult phone calls. Avoid using phrases that blame or attack the other person and focus on identifying common ground and solutions. Use phrases like "I can see why you might be frustrated," or "Let's try to find a solution that works best for everyone."

Also think about how you turn a negative response into a positive. For example, I can't send you that report tomorrow can be changed to, I will work as fast as I can, and get you the report by the end of next week.

6. Offer Alternatives

No one likes to be cornered or told what to do. This is especially the case when you are feeling distressed, angry or very upset.

When faced with a difficult phone call, it's often helpful to offer alternatives. Instead of simply saying "No," or "That's not possible," try to find a compromise or alternative that meets the needs of both the caller and the organization. This demonstrates a willingness to find a solution and can help de-escalate the situation.

This is also helpful if the caller is communicating in a way that is unhelpful or offensive. Provide them with a choice on whether they wish to continue speaking to you. For example- Charles, I cannot understand you or respond to you if you continue to direct your comments to me personally. I am really upset by how you are speaking to me. If you could please focus on the particular application I can continue this call.

7. Document the Conversation and Debrief

If you encounter a particularly challenging phone call, it's always a good idea to document the conversation. Write down the date, time, and any relevant details. This can be helpful for future reference and for any potential follow-up actions.

Unfortunately, challenging phone calls have the potential to go awry, even when we have taken all the correct steps. For this reason, making a clear and contemporaneous record of the conversation can be very important. It is also a helpful tool for us to debrief and reflect on the conversation that occurred rather than rushing on to the next task.

The final and most important tip I can give you is to say as little as you can.

When we are managing an emotionally heightened conversation, the best thing we can do is listen, empathize and maintain our professionalism. In many cases this means staying silent. For example, in a 20-minute phone call, I will probably only say 2 or 3 sentences, and even then most of the words I use will be a reflection of what I have heard the other person say.

This is unusual for me, but I have learnt the hard way that the less you say the better when faced with an unexpected and emotionally heightened call.

Sometimes, simply being present is both the least, and the most, we can do.

I have been working with a number of complaints management and dispute resolution teams to improve their capacity for managing challenging calls, please let me know if you would like to discuss this topic further!

Is there anything else I can help you with?

As a conflict management specialist, I work with government and business teams and provide services in mediation, customized conflict skills training, facilitation of meetings and workshops, and workflow and policy design.

If there is anything I can assist you with, please get in touch on LinkedIn or here: www.shivmartin.com/contact