DC Networking Events (Mostly) Suck. Here's How I'm Fixing Them.

I've lived in DC for a decade and worked in progressive and Democratic politics for even longer. I've been to dozens (hundreds?) of networking happy hours. Most of them... suck.

You get cornered half the night by the one guy who couldn't ask you a question if his million dollar condo depended on it. Or you end up talking to people you already know because you're an introvert. Or you walk in and notice more than half of the room is white men in a movement that claims to care about diversity.

So many DC Networking events suck because they're not designed to be good. Someone picks a bar, slaps down a credit card (or a few), and tells everyone to come get free drinks. That's it.

If you're an introvert? The new kid in town? Someone with a minority identity who has imposter syndrome? It's a nightmare.

But it's not because networking itself is bad. Networking is important! Especially if your mission is to make the world a better place. You need to connect with other people.

So… how do we make networking events that actually lead to meaningful connections that could change the world?

Enter: Priya Parker 's The Art of Gathering.

I picked up Priya's book two years ago, and it changed my life. I am truly that person. Every time a friend gets engaged, announces they're pregnant, or is throwing any kind of party, I tell them to pick up this book.

I used Priya's New Rules for Gathering to redesign the DC Networking Happy Hour. I hosted my first event last month — and here's what I learned:

1. Identify Your Purpose

Priya says, "Gathering well begins with a specific, unique and disputable purpose." In my mind, that meant searching for something that made my pulse speed up but also scared me because I knew some people would not like it.

Why is it important that progressive/Democratic/lefty political professionals gather and network? Because you can't change the world alone. You need a community.

That's everything from having good mentors who help you escape a sinking campaign (yes, it happened to me) to dear friends who will kindly slip you a checklist on burnout symptoms because you told them you can't believe anyone would work less than 50 hours a week (also me).

My purpose also helped me get serious about the structure of this event. For a lot of us, talking to strangers is awkward. Giving people permission to talk to someone new can change the game.

The industry that does this best? DATING.

So I stole right from them. I decided to dedicate part of the event to speed grouping — where everyone would have 15 mins to grab 2-3 people they didn't know and start a conversation, I'd sound a buzzer at the time mark, and they'd regroup with another 2-3 new people. And then for another part, I'd make the matches — putting people in groups of 6 (a Priya magic number) with a mentor-type who shared one of their identities and/or interests.

2. Make Purpose Your Bouncer

This may seem counterintuitive to a movement that is all about diversity and inclusion. But when there are people there who aren't fulfilling the purpose of the gathering, they can actually make it worse.

When I asked other people about what they thought about networking events, over and over and over again I heard the same complaints about "needing to perform" and "being treated as a transaction rather than a person." One person even told me the whole point of networking happy hours was for vendors to get people drunk so they could sell them stuff.

This is not how you change the world. This is not how you build a movement rooted in equity. This is not how you build community. In an industry where the refrain is "it's not what you know, it's who you know", this is a recipe for overconfident mediocre white men to climb the ladder the way they've always done — by being the loudest bro in the room.

No. Fuck the ladder.

So I focused first on recruiting a diverse group of my personal connections who I knew shared my philosophy. They are all wildly talented but also wildly humble and eager to mentor the next generation. They would anchor my breakout groups.

The other audience I focused on was folks who were new to working in politics and to the DC area. This was much tougher, but I am well-acquainted with the appeal of a free meal in an expensive city when you are working an entry-level job.

This is where being a purpose-driven bouncer got hard: To have an event with free food and drinks, I'd need sponsors. But you know who has a lot of money? Overconfident, mediocre bros. And if you take their money, they're going to want to invite all their friends and use the event to sell sell sell.

It was incredibly difficult to hold the line. Especially as layoffs started to hit our industry, and everyone battened down their proverbial hatches. I ended up having to pivot on the venue, and ultimately I wasn't able to include free food which I do believe impacted my ability to bring in more entry-level folks.

But my clear purpose brought in some great sponsors who got the vision, gave what they could, and did more than send cash. They brainstormed, helped recruit, worked the sign up table, and served as breakout group hosts too. This event truly wouldn't have happened without them, and I give them huge amounts of credit for its success — thank you to Trilogy Interactive , Clarity Campaign Labs , MissionWired , and Alison Schwartz .

3. Design Your Invite To Persuade

You might think a 250+ word invite would be… a bit much. But Priya argues that invitations should tell a story, not just convey logistics.

So to every individual, listserv, and Slack group I shared the invite with, I told my story. That I was hosting a different kind of networking event where the priority was building community. That there was a set schedule and specific activities, so you needed to show up on time, not just whenever, to get the most out of the night. That my goal was for people to walk away with meaningful connections, not just a buzz and business cards.

Since I wasn't providing free food, I kept mum about the free drinks and specifically avoided calling the event a "happy hour" because I didn't want to imply this was simply an excuse for people to get wasted on my sponsors' dime.

I wanted to cast a wide net, but it was just as important that people who weren't aligned with the vision of the event got it from the invite and opted out.

4. Ditch Etiquette for Rules

Etiquette would be the death of this gathering. Because etiquette is all about the unspoken rules and norms — which are guaranteed to reinforce the white supremacist, patriarchal, heteronormative, able-bodied, etc. power structures our movement is trying to disrupt.

Traditional DC networking would dictate showing up with a large stack of business cards, your elevator pitch polished, and carrying yourself with — as the totebags say — the confidence of a mediocre white man. Again, the antithesis of the kind of gathering I wanted to build. I wanted people to carry themselves as… themselves. Shortcomings and all.

So in addition to the very clear 2-part structure of the event, I also set two simple rules for attendees:

Rule #1: No business cards. This helped send the signal that this is a different kind of networking event, not the caricature we're used to. Plus, at least half of my friends don't even have business cards anymore. Instead, I encouraged folks to pull out their phones and send that first email, text, or DM to their new connection immediately.

Rule #2: This event is the start, not the end. The kind of relationships I wanted to help people build are meant to be long-term. I also know the feeling of starting out in your career and being scared to ask someone whose work you admire to give you advice. So I told everyone I wanted them to commit to meeting with at least 1 person from the event in the month afterwards.

One other thing I heard multiple times in my post-event survey was that folks really appreciated me repeatedly naming during the night how awkward these events can be and constantly reinforcing you are supposed to talk to people you don't know. It meant it wasn't weird to walk up to a stranger because that's what the host (me) told you to do!

One other bonus rule I gave my mentors: Be vulnerable. Even with my clear invite and set of rules, it didn't mean people wouldn't fall back into what they know. So I made my mentors — who I knew folks would look up to — the tone setters for the event. I asked them to come and share what they learned from their mistakes at least as much as their victories.

5. Close With Intention

Priya argues against simply letting gatherings peter out — that it's a waste of a powerful moment. But you can also do it without cranking "Closing Time" over the speakers.

I built a specific close out period for this event: Saving 30 minutes after the breakout groups for people to go get the contact info of that one person they thought was really cool, introduce two people they met who both were interested in a super niche topic, and grab that last drink before I closed the bar tab.

And when I announced the end of the breakout groups and the shift to the wrap up period, I also reminded folks of the expectation that they meet up with someone in the month after the event because community building doesn't happen in a night.

All of this pushed folks to make the most of the closing moments without rushing them out of the door.

6. A Bonus Rule From Me: Prepare For Things To Go Wrong

With my community organizer background, I knew there was a guarantee at least one thing, if not multiple things would go wrong. And they did.

I told people the event started at 6:00, folks didn't really start packing in until 6:30. Half of my attendees ended up in a line at the bar that took (at its longest) 30 minutes to get through. So we pushed the start time of speed grouping, and I cut the time from 15 mins each down to 10.

The microphone didn't work, so folks couldn't hear me. Enter "clap once if you can hear me" and dusting off my high school theater skills (thank you, Aunt Mary, for teaching me how to project from my diaphragm).

I could tell the conversation in the first speed grouping set was a bit stilted, so I gave folks a conversation topic for their second one: "Did you brave the drink line from hell or not?"

Guests flaked (as any good organizer would expect), so the designed breakout groups were lopsided. I used the 3rd speed grouping to quickly blend a few groups so no one was in a pair or by themself.

I have to say a lot of therapy and Brené Brown got me through the night — this was all about Fucking First Times. And I named that for the group too. The first time for anything is the hardest. It gave everyone permission to adapt with me when we hit speed bumps and gave them a strong reason to fill out the feedback survey I sent the next day.

After all that work and applying Priya's principles, here's what I heard from attendees:

• 52% of them gave the event 4/5 stars; 45% gave it 5/5 stars
• (I also want to shout out the person who filled out the survey and said they left because the music at the venue was too loud — I wouldn't have known that if you hadn't told me!)
• Folks were almost evenly split on which part of the event helped them make better connections — the speed grouping, breakout sessions, or both
• Folks named that the best parts were how it was structured, that they got to meet new people, and the intent behind it
• The negatives were mostly about the drink line, music being too loud, and wanting more breakout group time — all pretty easy things to improve upon

The other thing I heard a LOT? Folks want more events like this.

I won't lie that I needed a rest after putting this one on — I put over 100 hours into organizing and running the whole thing. Fundraising was… tough. Recruiting attendees is a big project (I now have so much more respect for club promoters).

So this last bit is my ask: If any of this sounds like something you would be willing to spend even 2 hours of your time on because you think it's important, post a comment here.

With some help, we could actually make DC networking events GOOD and build the community we need to change the world.

P.S. I am also available to help make YOUR events better. Want to figure out a better purpose, pop-up rules, and activities for your next conference, office party, or monthly all-hands meeting? DM me here on LinkedIn, and let's talk.