The Day We Mutinied On The U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Glacier WAGB-4

By Randy Boone

There was a tug on my arm, someone was whispering, Boone, Boone, get up, it's time. I looked at my watch and saw 0500. I slid out of my rack and started getting dressed and ready for what would be a very calculated and precise plan to take control of the ship.

As I finished putting my boots on, I was joined by three other conspirators. We headed up from the deck force berthing area and met two others in the ship's gallery. We gathered up some duct tape and nylon line and made our way to the Chief's Quarters and crept into Chief King's berthing. He was sleeping soundly and we quickly took positions around him We pounced on him and held him down while one person put duct tape across his mouth. Two of us tied his hands and the other two secured his legs.

We carried the struggling Chief below decks and placed him in the ship's brig. The brig was well below decks, and you could not hear his yells and threats as we returned above to hit our next targets. We then proceeded to the officers quarters and snagged up a couple officers in the same manner as before, and they too were secured in the brig.

With three major players out of the way, we met on the mess deck again. This time there were about twenty crew members who decided to join us on the mutiny. One of the cooks on board handed out our weapons and we went forward of the ship, crouching behind the forward bow door, waiting for the right moment to make our strike.

"Now Reveille, Reveille, Reveille, All Hands On Deck! The plan of the day starts at 0700. Attention all Pollywogs, report to the mess deck and stand -by for equator crossing initiation!"

The forecastle door flung open as we all rushed forward to the bow. By this time, we were about at twenty-five in number. We chose the bow because it only provided them one small entrance way to get to us. Some of us grabbed the fire hose off of the bulkhead while some were loading up with our arsenal of weapons.

Suddenly the door busted open and here they came! We charged up the high pressure fire hose and pinned them against the forward structure followed by a barrage of several extra large eggs. They were soon forced to retreat back to where they came from.

Next, the Officer Of The Day (OOD) came out on to the bridge walkway and yelled down for us to surrender and come to the mess deck where they had a nice breakfast waiting for us. We knew better! A barrage of eggs went flying up to the bridge! The OOD and lookout had to retreat back inside.

The forecastle door busted open and again, they attempted another charge. We held them off again and again. They could not get enough Shellbacks through the single doors to get up enough numbers to come after us.

The Captain finally came on the ship's intercom and ordered us to give up and relent to the orders of King Neptune and Davy Jones. We shouted Hell No! Hell No! And the eggs once again, flew to the bridge.

Another charge was made from the Shellbacks and we opened the fire nozzle, but there was nothing! They went below and shut the water main off to our hose! With only a third of our eggs left and no water cannon, we knew it was time to surrender, and besides, we were getting kind of hungry.

They led us to the mess deck and sat us down. The Captain came in the mess deck and read an order charged by King Neptune and Davy Jones. "These lowly Polywogs are charged with disrespect to the royal family and they shall pay dearly". The Captain turned to the Shellbacks to signal the entrance of King Neptune. Someone came forward and whispered something in the Captain's ear, "We can't find King Neptune sir". The mess deck exploded in laughter. Someone yelled out, "check the brig Captain!"

After learning that breakfast was not being served until after the initiation, we were led out of the mess deck, one at a time. I was taken to the quarterdeck where I was met by six angry Shellbacks. They were all holding three foot cut sections of fire hose. I was ordered to my knees.

While knelling on the hard wooden deck, I saw them fill a red squeeze ketchup bottle with a yellow substance. The contents of the bottle were then squeezed into my mouth. I immediately recognized the mustard, but what was it mixed with? I looked over to the side and saw a large container of a fire fighting agent called concentrated foam. Concentrated foam is made from animal entrails and who knows what else!

The combination of the foam and the mustard was unbearable! I was told that I had to crawl across the entire quarterdeck without spitting even a drop out. I started crawling and whack! The fire hose hit me so hard that my knees lifted up off the ground and the nasty solution came spewing out.

I was taken back to the start line and again my mouth was filled with the full contents of the ketchup bottle. I knew that I was not going to be able to crawl for about twenty-feet with this in my mouth, so I forced myself to swallow most of it.

I started my crawl as quickly as I could and again the impact of the first hose lifted my knees off of the deck. I proceeded anyways and the hits came so rapidly that I really don't believe my knees ever touched the deck as I went across.

Next, I was blindfolded and led to the Royal Barbershop. I knew I was going to get hacked, but, it's part of the initiation, and besides, I knew my hair would grow back before we reached land again.

After getting a Royal haircut, I was led to the Royal Bath. I was going to appear before King Neptune and they felt I needed a bath first. As I entered the fifteen foot tube, I recognized the mustard and concentrated foam, but what are all the chunks and, ouch was that a bone? I wanted to pull the blindfold back to see what I was crawling through, but I dared not. I did recognize the smell of last week's spaghetti and lots of rotten salad stuff, and they also made a point to place our unused eggs (weapons) in the bath as well.

After exiting the bath, I was hit with a high pressure fire hose. They told me I smelled and could not see King Neptune smelling this way. I also recall one of them saying, how does that high pressure water feel? Apparently, he was one of the guys that we plastered against the bulkhead earlier.

The blindfold was removed, and I was led before the Royal Queen. As she (he, it) sat there with a mop head on his head, he started flapping his foot up and down. "Kiss the Queens foot" he said while smiling. I looked down and saw what the flapping sound was from. His foot was buried in what appeared to be axle grease, and yes, you guessed it, mustard and foam. I had to kiss all of his toes! Yuck!

Next, I was led before the Royal Baby. They found the chubbiest Shellback Chief for this one. Axle grease was applied about two or three inches thick onto his belly, and then they mixed the mustard and foam in as well. I closed my eyes and took the dive.

The Royal Baby grabbed my head and smashed my face deep into the grease and then rubbed my face around tightly against his gut. The pressure from his hand forced the grease into my eyes and far up into my nose. At this point, I am pretty much blind and my eyes were stinging from the mustard and petroleum based grease, and I was only able to see through slits in my eyes as I was blinking them.

As I was led before King Neptune, he looked down at me and said, "Ah, Pollywog Boone, didn't I see you earlier this morning in my berthing area? What were you thinking Pog!?" At this point, I'm thinking, it was pretty much a stupid idea...

"How dare you mutiny against my court! Executioners, have your way with him!" I was then led before the Royal Executioners. As I looked up through my burning eye slits, I could make out two huge figures holding some very large paddles with holes in them. My high school woodworking teacher came to mind. He used a huge paddle with holes and boy did it hurt! They had big smiles on their faces, kind of like they were saying, "karma baby, karma..."

Whack!, the first hit projected me about two feet forward. Then came the next, and the next and the next. I knew that this was the last stage of the initiation and I could hardly wait for the last smack. When I thought it was finally over, I heard one of them say, "and this is for putting me in the brig!" Whack!

I stood up, It's over! I did it! Oh what a feeling to be excepted into the prestigious order of Shellbacks! I took my clothes off right there on the flight deck and flung them into the Ocean. They were so greased up that they could not be washed. To make matters worse, the ship's evaporators were down and we had to take salt water showers.

We showered, shaved our heads, and put on our work uniforms. "Now breakfast is being served on the mess deck for all hands,". "Congratulations to the new members of the Shellback order."

Later that day we stood in formation on the flight deck of the U.S. Coat Guard Cutter Glacier to receive our Equator and 180th Meridian certificates. On my next cruise through the Equator, I was a Shellback and had the distinct pleasure of being on the other side.

U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Glacier WAGB-4 - Polar Icebreaker