The Day My Growth Mindset Ate My Emotional Intelligence!

“Never Judge A Book By It’s Cover….”

With Judi Newman

I was shocked at first - then I felt so confused - completely unstuck and bewildered not really knowing how to process the criticism I was receiving nor how to extract any positive life lesson from it! It wasn’t the first time I had heard it - but coming from such a trusted colleague I clearly needed to take it seriously!

You see we had spent a couple of days working together as co-facilitators at an executive leadership team retreat. Each day the sessions had run exceptionally well as we took turns leading the sessions. At night we then debriefed the sessions and gave each other feedback to further sharpen our skills. For me it was shaping up to be another brilliant couple of days working with great clients and a wonderful colleague!

The retreat wrapped up after lunch on the final day and we sat down to do our final debrief together. The participant feedback was super positive about both of us as facilitators and the overall ratings for the retreat were almost perfect! Then out of the blue the unexpected happened....‘Pete I really need to bring an issue up with you that I’m really concerned about...You have been really defensive and resistant to the feedback I have been trying to give you in the debriefs over the last few days... You’ve got such a fixed mindset and it’s becoming a real blockage in our working relationship - I’m feeling really frustrated with you!'

WTF? 

I was totally confused by this. I held my colleague in the highest respect and deeply valued the feedback I was given - often spending hours reflecting on how I could improve after our discussions. I thought our feedback sessions were (as usual) super helpful and super positive -what had gone wrong for my colleague to feel so frustrated with me? 

I wanted to disagree with his assertion that I was defensive and resistant to feedback, but just as I was about to say something, I realised that if I said that I disagreed my colleague would simply see this as more evidence of my defensiveness. I was stuck. Unable to communicate further other than to passively agree and concentrate on being outwardly respectful and polite lest I say something that was ‘defensive’. 

This was a turning point in our working relationship as I no longer relaxed fully into our conversations but instead became hyper-vigilant about my words and speech making sure I was not creating any discomfort in our working relationship. The price I paid for this was to deny myself the opportunity for learning and growth…

The Complexities of Mindsets & Modes of Behaviour

It took a lot of reflection over a number of years before I could finally pinpoint the cause of the problem and identify the life lessons to share - and it was indeed a very tricky problem to unpack. You see it’s roots were in the complexities of the modes of behaviour I engaged in depending on the mindset I had towards the type of learning situation I was grappling with. The diagram below shows us the three different types of situations we find ourselves in as educators when we are interacting with others and the accompanying mindsets, level of emotionally intelligent behaviours displayed, and degree of learning for ourselves and others.

Slow Motion Replay...

If we slow motion replay the scenario I was in previously at the executive retreat, the complexities, misunderstandings and life lessons begin to reveal themselves. Starting with the actual executive retreat workshop sessions, it is clear from my own account and the feedback of the audience I was working effectively as a facilitator in Helper Mode – with a helper mindset, and displaying high EI behaviours which enabling the group to have high levels of learning whilst I worked with in the knowledge I already had (thus lowering my own learning during these sessions relying on the debriefs afterward to further my own learning).

To be able facilitate and be in Helper Mode effectively I needed to prepare well and be in my own ‘comfort zone’ (see table above) when leading the group minimising any disruptive internal psychological noise of self-doubt or confusion. (On a side note, the ‘comfort zone’ is often criticised as a place where no learning takes place but this is not entirely true – as teachers and facilitators we must be in our ‘comfort zone’ in order to ensure our classrooms and audiences are able to be in their ‘learning zone’.)

Next in our slow motion replay were the evening debriefs with my colleague. Here is where the misunderstandings and confusion begins. You see I was in Learner Mode,getting deep into the learning zone with a growth mindset - analysing and dissecting the feedback and analysis to identify and digest new learnings. I was completely lost in my own growth process and low on any EI behaviours - not attending to my colleagues negative reaction to my own learning pit behaviours. 

BINGO - Problem identified! When I was in full-on growth mode I was lost in my own intense ‘mad scientist/ rapid cycling/ interrupt-pause-rewind’ communication pattern which was not motivated by being defensive or resistant in any way (in hindsight I can fully see how it was perceived that way by my colleague), nor indicative of a fixed mindset (quite the opposite in reality). And this is the problem. Because my genuine attempts to grow and learn had accompanying low EI behaviours (as I felt safe enough to let go of needing to be outwardly focused on the other person in the debrief) these were mis-interpreted (understandably so) as signs of defensiveness and resistance to learning when they were actually the opposite - signs of deep learning that was taking place! 

In the final sequence of our slow motion replay, the negative consequences of this misunderstanding on our working relationship and ability to learn from each other were very real for us both. I became ‘unsafe’ to some degree in our working relationship no longer able to fully relax into my learning zone and growth mindset but instead switched  into Survival Mode to ‘tolerate’ the situation with a fixed mindset primarily focused on not accidentally upsetting others (my subsequent adoption of a fixed mindset to cope with criticism given in response to my growth mindset became a somewhat ironic self-fulfilling prophecy). 

Modes of Behaviour & Mindsets for Teaching & Learning

Understanding Modes of Behaviour and Mindsets is tremendously important for school leaders and teaching staff in High Performance Schools. At the outset it is important to understand that Helper Mode, Learner Mode & Survival Mode (and their accompanying behaviours) are natural and normal states we may find ourselves in either by conscious choice or accidentally through over-reliance on previous routines or in response to threat.  

Teachers need to have a high level of self-awareness around which of the three modes they are in when they enter the classroom.  To teach or facilitate at the optimum level we want to create a setting where our brain can be in the appropriate state for that specific role.  While in the Helper Mode we tend to be calm, confident, have a firm grasp on our content and pedagogy as well as be in an outwardly focused mindset where we are mentally available to be thinking of others (not ourselves). In Helper Mode we are much more able to meet the needs of others, and are fully present for the learner we are helping. Thus Helper Mode is the optimum state to individualise and differentiate the learning for each student in our class.  

Alternately, when we are in Learning Mode we need to be able to go down the learning pit which takes inward focus and pulls our attention towards our own needs. Whilst this is exactly where we want our student to be in the classroom, as teacher, being in this mode whilst at the front of the classroom is clearly not enabling us to deliver effective teaching to our students.

However, as teachers we ourselves MUST be in Learner Mode if we are to improve when we are developing our professional skills with peers in our teaching teams and PLCs. The third mode we may find ourselves in is Survival Mode where our ‘fight/flight/freeze’ stress response is triggered and we are trying tolerate situations without getting further distressed. Survival Mode can occur when unexpected problems emerge with students or other staff. Once we’re in survival mode we cannot provide any quality teaching OR learning opportunities for either ourselves or others because this state significantly impairs our brain’s capacity for optimum thinking. 

The Complexities of Classrooms For Teachers...

Whilst Helper Mode is clearly the ideal state for teachers to be in when in the classroom, there are many things that can pull us into learning mode – towards the leanring pit or survival mode – trying to tolerate unexpected issues and cope with our own stress.  The complexities of administering standardised testing, delivering a highly structured curriculum, addressing behaviour management issues, improving skills and learning on the job may, at times,  become additional sources of stress.  Neuroscientific research shows that the negative impact of stress and anxiety inhibits learning. Negative emotions also block the potential for positive emotion which accompany the strengthening of brain neural networks involved in memory and higher order thinking.  

If teachers are feeling overwhelmed, stretched or intimidated themselves in some way they will not be able to maintain ‘Helper Mode’ to maximise the learning of students.  When teachers feel stressed, they enter Survival Mode where the Amygdala is over activated setting off the flight-fight-freeze response and releasing the stress hormone Cortisol.  In this state feelings of helplessness and anxiety (high alert) are all conducive to a low level of self awareness (knowing your impact on others). In addition the more overactive the Amygdala, the less we are able to utilise our Pre Frontal Cortex (PFC) where all higher order thinking occurs and our ability to regulation of our emotions.

If teachers can’t regulate their own emotions in the classroom they will be at the mercy of them. If a teacher is calm, enthusiastic and positive, the brain releases the achievement drug Dopamine, the trust drug Oxytocin and the mood drug Serotonin.  The combination of these neurotransmitters and hormones allows the teacher to be more likely to stay in helper mode, and not be triggered into survival mode.  If teachers compromise their ability to use their PFC and higher order thinking skills they reduce their ability to assess, analysis, make clear decisions and empathise. 

When we are facilitating or teaching we often stay on ‘autopilot’ failing to make the switch from ‘learner’ to ‘teacher’ mode and vice versa. We want teachers to be life long learners but we want the main learners in the classroom to be the student.  For this to happen, a teacher has to check their mode, mindset and behaviours at the door – making sure they are in their helper mode and ‘comfort zone’ in the classroom (and in their learning mode and ‘learning zone’ in the teaching teams and professional learning communities (PLCs)). 

Principals and middle leaders can help by engineering the school environment and culture to support teachers operating effectively in helper mode in the classroom and learner mode in the PLCs. 

Bringing It All Together…

The saying ‘never judge a book by its cover’ is very true when it comes to judging someone’s mindset based on their behaviour – and this is particularly important when we consider two important questions about the organisational design and social engineering of classrooms and teaching teams. 

Firstly, how do we make sure teachers are in Helper Mode in the classroom and not accidentally tipped into either Learner Mode - where they become caught up in their own learning and less accessible and available to their students or Survival Mode - where they become overly stressed because they are trying to cope with too many issues? 

Then secondly, in the opposite direction, how to we enable teacher to quickly shift from Helper Mode into Learner Mode/ growth mindset when in their teaching teams and PLCs by creating psychologically safe spaces for them to learn and struggle without the risk of  this behaviour being wrongly interpreted as resistant and defensive and/ or evidence of a fixed mindset?  I firmly believe that by continuing to build High Performance Schools we can address these concerns and create safe places where every student and every staff member can flourish!

Dr Pete Stebbins PhD

Dr Pete Stebbins, PhD, is a workplace psychologist, executive coach & author of the recently released book: "The Five Disciplines of Extraordinary School Leaders". Pete has many years of research and professional practice behind him working extensively in education and health. Pete is the director of the High Performance Schools Program working with a large number of schools to maximise staff and student outcomes.