The day I realised the importance of being a woman that supports women!

Having worked in Finance and Technology for 26 years and prior to that at school having more male friends than female I have often wondered if my career and friend choices had an underlying explanation. In later life when my daughter started school, I would find myself gravitating to the dad's in the playground on the one day a week I actually attended the school. This behaviour was also repeated at social and networking events, I could always be found in the garden holding court with a large group of guys. Upon starting to do more work in the #WomeninBusiness space I found that ‘all female’ network events were bringing about a nervousness in me that I had never experienced before. At this point I took a look at my friend circle and realised that I had a relatively small group of female friends who all had the same things in common:

1.    They all had good careers, were self-made with resilient characters and big personalities

2.    They were all very transparent, shoot from the hip ladies who would tell the Emperor he had no clothes on to his face

3.    95% had played or loved team sport, huge football, rugby, horse racing or cricket fans

4.    None of them were at all interested in getting one over on anyone. They were totally comfortable in their skin, successful in their own rights and did not fear others talent

5.    Our relationships were based on banter, constructive criticism, support, love, laughter and booze

6.    They all hated gossip and had direct communication styles

7.    They could all drink a Rugby team under the table

It occurred to me then when I looked at my larger group of friends/workmates who happened to be male and I realised that they all seemed to fit into exactly the same mould. It became obvious to me that I had found it easier to surround myself with ladies that had very similar traits, values, behaviours and drinking habits as guys because it is where I was most comfortable.

At this point in my career I was becoming a strong role model in the 'Women in Tech' space and thought that I really needed to address my subconscious fears about working and networking with large groups of women. I realised that the issue that I had was the lack of support I had seen among women in business throughout my career. There are a number of reasons for this obviously the amount of 'Alpha' women in a board room/senior leadership team tends to be in the ones and twos and therefore natural competition is brought about as I have always felt that we have all been fighting for the standard one seat at the table.

I had always seen myself as 'One of the Boys' so was finding it hard to align myself with this new role profile and responsibility that I had taken on as a potential feminist and I was not feeling comfortable with it .I was finding it hard to understand how a huge group of up and coming next generation ladies would be inspired and or find any relevance in a woman that had been pretending to be a lad since she was about 15. As my career grew, I was also beginning to find the interaction with other senior female peers difficult to navigate as I just did see a natural support network. What I realised is that now the market was changing and more women were appearing in Technology, within my senior networks and making up 50% of the next generation workforce I was mentoring that I was missing out on something great and to be a good role model I needed to learn how to be a 'Woman that supports Women'. My male colleagues/friends will be reading this and some will say 'what about supporting men?', my response would be I have been doing that since I started work and am already an expert in it!

What I have learnt is being a genuine feminist is not so much about your own voice, but how you use your stage to encourage and support women to find theirs. I definitely have this platform and a responsibility to be that voice so wanted to share 10 ways to support the women in your life:

1. Show up for women, physically and emotionally. Whether it's sending your ladies a daily text to check in , being a shoulder to cry on , calling your mother, supporting female-founded companies, or smiling at a woman on the street , be an advocate for supporting our community in any way and every way.
2. Create environments for women to take up space. In my experience of hosting panels, events, talks, interviews, or just a girls' night, there's nothing more gratifying than watching women thrive in an environment where they feel able to be themselves and use their voice.
3. Be transparent with each other. Be open about jobs, salaries, relationships, hardships, success, Botox, everything. Secrecy breeds jealousy because the unknown makes us insecure. By having these conversations with each other, we empower our experiences, good or bad, and create a foundation of shared experiences that make us feel supported rather than alienated
4. Don't lift a woman up be tearing another woman down.
5. COLLABORATE - DON'T COMPETE - Competition thrives on insecurities. Identify those women you feel you're sitting across the table from and sit next to them. Find a common ground. Wanting women to succeed without jealousy is the definition of grace.
6. Strive to say more than 'Nice Outfit'. Remind the women in your life that the space they take up in your life and the world is not dependent on physical attributes.
7. Never miss an opportunity to facilitate moments of learning between men and women. It's easy to fall victim to stereotypes by saying a man 'is just being an a**hole' or 'it's the boys club' when helping women to cope with gender issues, whether in the bedroom, the boardroom, or beyond. Be an active ally for both genders by advocating accountability and a level playing field.
8. Hire women, train women, mentor women . Be the vehicle that turns a young woman with big dreams into the bad-ass women she is destined to be.
9. CARRY LIPPY, PERFUME and DEODORANT always - Save a sister and make a new friend

10. Step up to the spotlight. Do not just be an example for others but for yourself. Take every opportunity, challenge and risk that comes your way without questioning your worth, ability or place as a woman. And once you find your light, don't be afraid to be a little unruly

Ref from: Feminists don't wear pink and other lies - Scarlett Curtis