The Day I Was Actually in Photos

I did something outside of my comfort zone for Mother’s Day.

I separated from my phone.

On Saturday I called my mom to wish her an early Mother’s Day, and when I went to bed that night I turned off my phone and put it in a drawer with the determination to not turn it back on until Monday morning. 32 hours later.

This “trial separation” is one step of the 30-day detox in “How to Break Up with Your Phone” by Catherine Price. (I’ll write a post with my thoughts on the full detox after I finish it)

But for now, I’ll tell you how my Mother’s Day went…

Saturday–bedtime:

• Turned my phone off (honestly took me a minute to figure out how; it’s been SO long since I’ve done that)
• Felt nervous I was going to miss something important. Reassured myself that (A) my mom knew about the separation and (B) my husband still had his phone on him.

Sunday:

• Woke up and immediately checked the time on my Kindle because I hadn't purchased an alarm clock (as had been suggested in the book). It was about 5 mins after I normally set my alarm
• Relished in a slow morning getting ready for the day and eating breakfast with my family. Inner monologue: “This is great! I’m not missing my phone at all.”
• Then we left for a day trip to Sausalito. The separation from my phone went from a few feet to 30 miles. My anxiety also increased exponentially.
• Inner monologue: “What would people think if they were wishing me a happy Mother’s Day and I didn’t respond? Was I being selfish? Should I have sent more Happy Mother’s Day wishes the day before?”
• When we started walking around Sausalito, anxiety was replaced with gratitude. I was fully present with my family. I noticed the scenery around me. I wasn’t so easily irritated by my 4-year old’s incessant questions because I wasn’t distracted.
• I’ll admit I thought about my phone more times than I can count. Once I even reached into my bag before remembering it wasn’t there. I’m also a compulsive Yelp-er and when my husband took us to a restaurant, I was surprised by how uneasy I felt. Instead of knowing which dishes were the most popular, we asked our server for suggestions and picked what sounded good.
• With full bellies and exhausted legs, we got back into the car to head home. The kids immediately passed out, my husband drove, and I had nothing to do but just be for 45 minutes. I can’t remember what I was thinking about on the drive, but it was nice to just be lost in thought rather than doing something “productive” on my phone.
• That night we put our exhausted 1-year old to bed early and played a board game with our 4-year old. I noticed how much more patient I was (all you parents of young children know the challenges of playing a simple board game without losing your mind!)
• After the kids went to bed, my husband and I ate dessert and talked instead of watching TV. We had conversations while making eye contact rather than one of us perpetually answering texts or looking something up online.
• It was super easy to fall asleep at night. This could be due to the phone separation… or because we’d walked 12k steps that day… or (most likely) both!

Monday (today):

• Woke up at my normal time on my own again
• Started getting ready for the day and found myself feeling anxious, not knowing what would be there when the screen lit up. I didn’t want to turn on my phone. I didn’t feel ready to get pulled back into the virtual world. This reluctance surprised me. I had thought I’d feel major relief turning it back on.
• When I did turn on the phone I felt very loved by the messages I’d received from friends, but I felt a sort of indifference to my phone itself.
• In those first few moments, ***I viewed my phone more as a nice-to-have tool, but not something that I want to be so reliant on.*** And that is the perspective I want and will try so desperately to hold on to. That is the relationship I’d like to have with my phone.

So here are my takeaways:

• I’m going to start wearing a regular old watch so that I can lessen the habit of “checking the time” on my phone (which is an excuse to also check my phone for notifications)
• While there were periods throughout the separation where I felt anxious, my overall feelings were present, relaxed, and grateful
• I want to be intentional about the relationship I have with my phone

Photo cred: My husband, who captured all the pics of our Mother’s Day since I was phone-free. Which means I was actually in the photos. Which is how Mother’s Day should be, right?!