Day Eight!

I hope your December is bringing a bit of rejoicing and peace, oh, and joy! Never forget the joy! Here is a simple question: How do you know you are experiencing joy?

APA defines Joy as "a feeling of extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction. The feeling of joy may take two forms: passive and active. Passive joy involves tranquility and a feeling of contentment with things as they are. Active joy involves a desire to share one’s feelings with others".

As a caregiver, a 24/7 schedule it taxing, exhausting, and takes a toll on the psyche, the body and the mind; anima, animus, et spiritus.

How can we bring the joy back right now, in this moment?!!!

Here is a overly simple answer, and before you grimace at me, I will elaborate in a moment. The answer is: you choose it.

Now, when a caregiver is exhausted, feeling as if they can't breathe, and often feel alone, choosing joy may seem similar to climbing Mt. Everest without training. In many ways, unsalaried caregivers are experiencing this sensation. Suddenly, your mother or father, a loved one, or friend, are needing immediate care; like, RIGHT NOW! There is no time to think, plan, prepare, home proof for safety, or even take time off work, make room in your home, and on and on and on. I think you get my point.

Still, I am suggesting joy can be found in the moment, even while reading this.

Stick with me a bit and you too fill be able to make this choice.

As a psychologist, I always ground myself before seeing a patient or client, by touching my feet and/or hands to something sturdy; barefoot on the floor, leaning on the fall, and feeling the senation of that study structure. Then, I take inventory from my feet to my head, noticing how my body feels touching that item; noticing aches; noticing where my breath is halting. Then, I do a short 4-2-6 breathing (the numbers are not so important. What is important is the slow breathing and breathing out longer then inhalation).

After a few minutes, I feel ready.

As a person of faith, I will admit freely, that I cocoon myself in all that is Holy.

This is my Grounding. IT WORKS!

I love giving caregivers lists to write out. A list for Redirection Activities (as my discussed in earlier posting), a list for ways to relax, a list to express gratitude. And, I like to add this one as it is incredibly powerful: a list of our dreams and wishes (desires). Of course, if you are 5'2 and wish to be a 6' linebacker, well, there may need to be a bit of realism in there.

Choosing joy in the midst of trauma, tragedy, or chronic exhaustion, can be made. Yes.

If we take the APA joy definition literally, we can find five items that we are grateful for right now, in this moment. Just five items of gratitude. When we do this, without going into the neuro mechanics, your brain begins shifting, you begin lowering your blood pressure and serotonin is releasing. What is this sensation??? It is healing. It is joy.

Then, perhaps we begin to find the "funny" in life and situations. I bet if you tried, you could find five funny happenings in your day.

Here are mine today: I was dancing to the music in my head taking the rubbish out and my neighbor noticed; smiled. I put the washing detergent in the refrigerator instead of the dishwasher and turned it on. I starting singing made up words to White Christmas movie (inappropriate words...haha). Well, this is what I have today.

Again, this topic is actually a three hour course. Doing my best to abbreviate.

The next time your loved one with dementia does something potentially irritating, trying your patience, find the humor in it. Share the laugh with them. Smile at them. Even though Alzheimer's impedes communication, a smile and laugh are infectious.

Try these and if you like, let me know how they work or share your own ideas and thoughts.

Wishing you the greatest joy in the world, the one we choose.

Much love,

Dr. Holzner

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