The Day the Earth Stood Still

A day of deep reflection, September 11, 2023...

Recently, I watched the NatGeo documentary on 9/11, and it transported me back to a day when I personally endured shock, tragedy, confusion, anger, and hopelessness. For those reading this article, I was employed at that time with eSpeed, the electronic trading platform for the global bond market, which was owned by Cantor Fitzgerald. Our office was situated on the 102nd floor of the North Tower, and I was on my way to work when the world changed.

In the years that followed, I rarely discussed the full extent of the events of that day. I kept my feelings to myself, occasionally sharing with family and close friends what I experienced, the anxiety, and the physical effects that persisted for months and years afterward. I hope that by sharing my story, I can provide insight, encourage personal and professional introspection, and shed light on the positive aspects that emerged amidst the darkness of this immense tragedy.

The morning of September 11th, 2001, resembled today - a beautiful September morning with clear skies, cool temperatures, and the typical hustle and bustle of a Tuesday morning in New York City.

I lived in Brooklyn Heights near the promenade and was heading to work via the R train to the Cortlandt Street station, located by the Millennium Hotel, just across the courtyard from 1 and 2 WTC. I recall rushing to the subway and narrowly missing the train that pulled out of Court Street station. I thought to myself that I could afford to be slightly late, grab a smoke while crossing the courtyard, and still reach the office shortly after 9 am. As I arrived at Cortlandt Street, a surge of people came running down the stairs, shouting, "The WTC just exploded!" Others said, "I think a plane crashed into the building!" I remember thinking that if there was an explosion that reached the subway tunnel, we would all be engulfed in a fireball. The best course of action, it seemed, was to get above ground, out of the tunnels.

As I sprinted up the stairs and streams of people rushed down to catch the train, I distinctly remember seeing paper debris floating down from the sky, blanketing the courtyard and streets. At that moment, I gazed up at the tower and saw thick black smoke and orange flames shooting out. I muttered to myself, "What the F&$k?!"

It was at that moment that a whirlwind of thoughts entered my mind, and I began to question what I should do. I didn't fully grasp the gravity of the situation. Should I still try to go to the office? Should I attempt to contact my boss and explain what was happening? What about my friends who worked on the trading floor? Should I reach out to them to find out what was going on? And what about my cousin, a police officer in the 1st Precinct, who would surely know what to do?

The state of confusion, coupled with an instinct to take action in adverse situations, created an inner conflict and eventually left me in a state of paralysis and shock. Simultaneously, while I was attempting to assess and determine the right course of action, the second attack occurred, and chaos erupted in the streets of downtown Manhattan.

I won't delve into the specifics of what I witnessed from the initial attack leading up to the second attack and the eventual collapse of both towers. However, I strongly encourage you to watch the documentaries if you haven't already. Everything documented therein is representative of what thousands of people witnessed and experienced. It was a somber day, but we must always remember and be reminded of the tragedy that unfolded on September 11th, 2001.

There will always be a profound sadness when reflecting on 9/11, but I want to share some of the positives that emerged and the lessons I've come to embrace, hoping that they have had a positive impact some 22 years later.

The Positives:

1. Walking from downtown to 3rd Ave and 19th Street to gather at Paddy Maguire's Ale House and reunite with the close friends who have made a profound impact on my life. I remember walking into the bar and seeing the local community of regulars, the staff - Dympna McDonald, Phil Smith - and the owner, Paddy Maguire, offering unwavering support and assistance to anyone in need.
2. Seeing my family for the first time after the events and realizing how much they meant to me, understanding how fortunate I was to have them in my life.
3. Receiving a voicemail message from my close cousin, an NYPD police officer stationed at the 1st Precinct and present at the towers throughout the events at the WTC. He knew I worked in 1 WTC at the time, and although we couldn't connect, his message was unforgettable, filled with profanities, yet only conveying his desperate need to confirm that I was still alive.
4. Volunteering to assist in the recovery efforts at the site of the collapsed towers, driving down the West Side Highway, and witnessing the lines of New Yorkers cheering for the first responders and volunteers from all over. They were helping to search for survivors and offering hope in a time of great despair. This moment was surreal, and it still gives me goosebumps when I recall it.
5. My colleagues from eSpeed, who were also fortunate not to have made it to the office at the time, came together to rebuild the Tradespark electronic trading platform in the recovery center. We used whatever servers and equipment we could assemble. Luckily, our core components were developed on JAVA platforms, allowing us to re-implement on high-performance PCs and restore the trading platform, serving the financial community.

In conclusion, I want to reflect on how I believe I have changed both professionally and personally through these experiences. The examples of people coming together for a common cause during tragic events, demonstrating what can be achieved when people genuinely care and support one another, are lessons that seem increasingly distant in today's world. With the advancement of technology, self-promotion, and information overload, it's easy to lose sight of the importance of unity.

I still smoke like a chimney, but I believe that pausing and not always being in a rush, sometimes being a bit late, can help regain focus on what truly matters and what we aim to accomplish in life.

On this day, as we remember the tragic events and the losses people endured, let's take a moment to consider what we, as individuals, can do to support those in need or offer a kind gesture. September 11th, 2023, is a day to reflect and to strive for a more compassionate and connected world.