DAY 88 OF 100 DAYS SELF-REINVENTION SERIES: INNER CONVERSATIONS, SELF TALK & INTERNAL DIALOGUES

“And to him that orders his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God” – Psalm 50: 23b

Taking charge of your inner self-talk is one area that mastering could really alter your life in a big way. I encountered the power of what mastery of inner conversation could do when I was past 50 years of age. It is not fun to begin the process of death when you are past 50. It is a really painful one. My mentor taught me to notice all the negative thoughts that come up inside me as they come and that I should replace them with loving conversations. When I left the class, I felt I might find a few once in a while. Boy, it seemed to me like everything was rotten; I mean, it looked irreparable. I could scarcely believe that I was even this bad.

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It was sometimes in 2015, I have fallen into the delusion that the President Buhari government policies was making my business go South, and the more I believed this lie, the more I was broke. I borrowed money from whoever I could borrow money from – brothers, sisters, in-laws, outlaws, friends, enemies, and whatever you could name. If my neighbor’s dog was willing to loan me money I would have even borrowed from it. Somehow, I avoided four persons that are pretty close to me. One evening, I was lying on the bed with almost no money to buy fuel the next day, and the names of these four persons ran across my mind; my subconscious immediately came forward and said you know these persons don’t loan money even if you say you are dying. But my coach told me to reject all such negative self-talk about people. Internally, I said God, this will be hard. I know these persons, and changing my internal beliefs about them won't move any pin. Well, like Peter, I decided to try. I followed the pattern that my coach had taught me. He said, “Re-create the relationship.” I took my laptop and pulled out my BEING CREATION DOCUMENT, and I started typing;

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I recreate my relationship with Onome. Onome is not mean to me. Onome is such a great guy. Whenever I ask Onome for money and he is really in a position to give it to me, he does.

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As I typed these words it was like this is the greatest lie I have ever told myself. Yet, logically, I believed that I was doing the right thing. I reckoned that it was my subconscious pulling out my stored beliefs about Onome and it was in serious conflict with my new instructions. I called Onome and told him I was in serious need of money. He said he was boarding a flight from Lagos to London and he would see what he could do. As soon as he gave me this response, my subconscious came ranting like a vampire, “That is what he always says; he is a liar; the next thing he will tell you is that First Bank is down.” On and on, my subconscious continued to spill these junks. Well, I was too hungry and chose to wait for the promise of his a flight touching down in London before I will get money to leave the house. I struggled to hold a positive image of Onome all through the waiting game. It was difficult, but I was enjoying the fun of just realizing that my personality was this corrupt. I am now facing the monster of instructions that I have given to my subconscious over the years about people. I never really knew it was this bad. I began to see how habits as simple as judging people INTERNALLY were undoing me. That day, I sent an SOS message to the remaining 3 guys, not believing that they would do something really dramatic, but even the art of asking them and not being as negative as I would previously be was just a miracle for me. Personal Development is something I really truly enjoy. It is 10pm and none of these persons have sent me any money. I went back to my document, read what I had written about these 4 gentlemen, and went to sleep. It was one of my best sleep in a long while. I slept hungry but I was really thrilled to witness my corrupt and bankrupt self-talk. I looked irredeemable, but the learning was new and fun for me. I have taken tons of affirmations over the years and learned a lot from the Church and personal development seminars. None of these really brought me face to face with my self-talk, like my new course on CREATING BEING.

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By the morning of the next day, I got a N500k alert from Onome. I was almost in tears. In nearly 13 years of friendship, this is the fastest time and the biggest amount of money I will get from Onome. To add to this surprise, the text message said this money was not a loan but a love gift. Trust me, no angel can convince me that this was anything other than a change in my internal conversations about Onome – A CHANGE IN MY WAY OF BEING. My mentor had told me that affirmations don’t work when the soil of the heart or subconscious has rocks. He had read the bible verse to me where seeds gave different returns – some 30 fold, some 60 folds and some an hundred fold. He said the seed was not the problem. It was the same seed planted but some soils had rocks. He said I would need to take out all the rocks, but he quickly admitted that I must be patient as going to the depths of the ocean to pick up the debris there was not an easy one. By this, he meant that the process of even discovering the rocks in my beliefs buried deep in my subconscious was a bigger challenge. He told me, some I may never know even till death, but as I daily inspect my internal conversations and rectify them, my entire life will be lit up. By the evening of the second day, all the other 3 friends have sent me monies that I requested as loan without my calling them. To be honest, I mean really honest, this has never happened to me this way. I may not know everything about the spiritual world, but I am 100% convinced that my change of inner conversation brought about these miracles that I was experiencing. I can tell you story after story of relationships that improved when I started deleting evil conversations in my heart about friends and relatives. Have I deleted all evil conversations about people in my heart? Not at all. Hundreds or maybe thousands may still be lurking out there in my unconscious. What I do know is that whenever I meet these individuals and these internal dialogues come up, I will immediately use this tool to fix the connection. I may not have even fixed some unproductive conversations about these 4 persons in other areas of our relationship. Borrowing money from them isn’t all the interactions that I have had with them in nearly 15 years. You can only make course corrections when the blockade in your subconscious comes to the surface.

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The psalmist says when you order your conversation aright, you will see God’s salvation. Your subconscious can’t be more bankrupt than mine when I started creating a new me, so don’t be bothered when you begin and see a can of worms. As you begin to daily inspect the negative conversations that have taken their own lives in your subconscious, you will be getting WHOLE every day. When your subconscious begins to see that you’re inspecting unproductive thinking patterns, it will itself begin to remind you of some unproductive thinking patterns as they show up. In the first month I started CREATING A NEW ME, my subconscious stopped me on several phone conversations.

I was in a conversation with a friend and he started asking me about a client of mine whom I previously cursed internally for being too stingy. As soon as I went the normal junk conversation, my subconscious stopped me. It said to me, DO YOU WANT TO EXCLUDE THIS COMPANY FROM YOUR NEW WAY OF BEING? I quickly said NO. I wanted to tell my friend that this company was no longer like this, but I could not, then he hung up. Immediately my friend hung up, I said to myself, Coca Cola Nigeria isn’t a bad client of mine. They are good and always love that I make profit from whatever they have me do. Not good that I could not correct my first talk about Coca Cola to my friend, but I knew that was the last time, I will speak evil of Coca-Cola, whether internally or verbally.

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