Day 86 - After 3 years of pain, this rare forgiveness hack worked for me after a bitter episode with my uncle (1,000 days content creation challenge)

In 1999, my uncles excommunicated me from my family because they did not approve a personal decision I took. They were bitter. I was shattered. This had deep repercussions because I was an orphan by then.

One of my uncles looked at me with rage in his eyes and said…

"If I had a gun, I would kill you"

This shook me to the core. For a 22-year-old university student, it was too much to take in at that time.

Mind you, this was someone I had a great relationship with before then. My father had looked after him in his formative years especially as a teenager. So, he was the last one among my uncles I expected to say such a statement.

For months and years, I was in pain. Then, something happened…

I was participating in an online course delivered over email in 2002 by Tom Pauley and one of the topics was forgiveness.

I had heard about the value of forgiving. I wanted to forgive my uncle but I did not know how especially given that it was a lot of pain to carry.

Besides all the advantages of forgiveness, I was keen on the practical aspect of all this. How to exactly do it.

The tool passed unto us as participants was called the FORGIVENESS LETTER.

The moment I learned this, I jumped onto it that same night following the advice on how to execute it.

I got a yellow pad and wrote the letter to my uncle expressing all the hurts this had caused me in broad and deep detail. At the end of the letter, I ended it with something along the lines of "This injury is over for me now. I forgive you unconditionally".

After that, I plucked out the sheets of paper from the writing pad and lit it on fire. As the paper and words disappeared amidst the fire, it's as if a weight load was lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter. The bitterness I had disappeared. I later felt compassion for him.

I moved on with life and luckily grew personally and professionally.

We later bumped into each other several years later and he was happy to see me. I returned the favour with warmth. I even supported one of his sons (a cousin of mine) through his university education.

I moved on. I doubt if to date he even remembers the painful words he said to me.

I never recounted the episode to him. I never told him about my choosing to forgive him because we were taught it's not necessary. Forgiveness is a gift I was giving to myself.

As I write this, I am totally free.

3 years of pain. One class. One evening of liberation.

I have shared this rare forgiveness hack with some of my private coaching clients and they have all reported relief.

Question - who do you need to forgive? When will you write the forgiveness letter?

Remember, it's just for your own benefit and the person you are forgiving doesn't even need to know. Please do not send it to the offender. Just burn it and enjoy the fruits of your freedom.

If you found this useful, I encourage you to share it with other people because almost everyone I know has someone who hurt them and forgiveness could be their ticket to freedom.

?