Day 5: Managing Emotions. A 6 Part Series to Tame the "Busy", Gain Peace of Mind & Reduce Mind Clutter.
Dr. Toni Warner MSW, MED, LCSW
The Mental Health Mentor for Driven Leaders & Parents Who Care | Complex Trauma Therapist | Speaker | Teaching Sustainable Success in Leadership + Parenting |?? The Reset, A High Achievers Guide to Freedom & Fulfillment
Welcome to DAY 5 of the 6 Day Series:
6 Practical Steps to Tame the Busy-ness, Boost Energy Levels, Gain Peace of Mind & Reduce the Mind Clutter!
If you missed Days 1, 2, 3 or 4, here are a few ways to access them:
Day 1 Video: Take Back Control of Your Schedule
Day 2 Video: Slow Down for Self Care
Day 4 Know & Connect With Your Why
So far in the series, we have covered the first 4 key pieces to creating effective balance. so that you can tame the busy and de-clutter your life and mind in a way that feels good, yet productive for you.
We covered:
- Take Back Control of Your Schedule to Take Back Control of Your Life
- Slow Down For Self-Care
- Believe You Belong
- Know & Connect With Your Why
Today we explore feelings the feelings. Here is the video if you'd like to watch!
It’s probably pretty clear that you are someone who likes to get things done and get them done well. You like to be efficient, above proficient and effective; but do you know how to deal with your emotions? Or do you tend to minimize, suppress, distract or otherwise ignore the challenging emotions, for as long as you can… until you can’t anymore?
Do you tend to shove your feelings down, or approach them head on?
Do you struggle to find time to manage your emotions, or do you regularly acknowledge and process them?
Do you know HOW you feel?
Do you know WHY you feel the way you feel?
Do you have any idea WHAT to do with overwhelming emotions, or do they feel more like an annoying inconvenience?
This area of “managing emotions” is consistently one which I see even the most outwardly successful people struggle with. This struggle often happens in silence, which makes it even more difficult.
Remember that time your partner said that thing to you that really got under your skin, but you didn’t say anything about it. Perhaps, because they wouldn't get it, or you weren't sure how to explain it, or it seemed silly, or maybe because there was just no point or no time?
What about the other time when a colleague made that snide remark?
You kept quiet, but passive aggressively showed your annoyance.
Do you tend to feel better after these kinds of exchanges, or do you tend to feel worse?
Over time, shoving down how you feel builds up.
It gets compounded.
The emotions don’t just go away.
That doesn’t mean you should just hand over the steering wheel of your life to an intense emotion, but it does mean that taking time to acknowledge and process the emotions is worth it.
Otherwise, you might wind up with what feels like an avalanche of emotions. That can result in lashing out regrettably, or numbing yourself further, so you don’t have to deal with the build up.
Here’s a simple, common life example that many can relate to:
Justin had been irritated for a while because he had been wanting to talk with his partner about the garbage. Every time he forgets to take out the garbage, his partner gives him the cold shoulder. He’d been letting it go for a while, but it was causing him to feel so stressed.
Justin had an important job, and the more pressure he felt from work, the more he’d forget to take out the garbage at home- it had become a cycle. He figured he’d keep quiet about it because it was a silly thing, plus he knew he needed to remember to take out the garbage more often anyway. He wanted to talk about feeling hurt when he got the cold shoulder from his partner, but he kept convincing himself it wasn’t worth the effort or the time, because taking out the garbage was something he just needed to do anyway.
The thing was, every time he’d look at the garbage, he’d get bothered that his partner would give him the cold shoulder for hours, sometimes even a whole day, over something so small. Especially because he would forget to take out the garbage when he was already feeling additional pressure from work. The cold shoulder didn't help; it just made him feel worse. So, he’d see the garbage and he’d feel spiteful. As a result, he’d put off taking out the garbage for as long as he could, just to prove his point.
Except, the longer he’d put it off, the more frustrated his partner got. The more frustrated his partner got, the more stressed and hurt he got, and so the cycle continued.
No one was talking about how they felt, yet everyone was getting hurt and doing things that were hurting the other person.
After a few months of this, the two of them had built up so much frustration and resentment with one another that things got intense. The emotions had snow-balled.
Justin didn’t feel comfortable sharing any of his thoughts or feelings with his partner at this point, so he just kept them bottled up. His partner had become so annoyed that the cold shoulder and passive aggressive treatment, now extended into multiple days.
Eventually, Justin exploded and told his partner how disrespected and unsupported he felt. He worked this high stress job and didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Of course, his partner retorted back with similar sentiments.
This type of cycle happens all of the time. It happens at work, it happens in relationships, and it even happens within our own relationship with ourselves.
This happens because not taking the time to acknowledge how you feel and why, means you’re not taking the time to understand and communicate your own needs. When you are not communicating your needs and boundaries effectively, they are not heard and can’t be adhered to by others.
Although this can happen at work, at home, and in relationships with yourself and others. Usually, if it’s happening in one area, it’s happening in another as well.
It wasn’t until Justin learned how to feel the feels, without minimizing or ignoring them, that he and his partner were able to change this cycle. He had to learn how to listen to and manage his emotions differently.
If you can relate to the challenge of feeling all the feels and managing them in an effective way, then here are a few questions you can ask yourself to begin to explore this area more:
What’s one example of a time you did share how you feel, and what’s one example of a time when you denied how you feel?
What do you notice?
Which do you prefer?
Today’s resource is access to a limited time, free masterclass where I walk you through each of the 6 practical steps LIVE. If you miss it live, you can still gain 48 hour access to the replay, so there’s no excuse for not diving deeper here if you’re ready to up-level your life, take back control and gain more peace of mind.
Sign up for the live class here. It's free!
* Case examples are composites; no personal client information is shared without client consent.
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Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for the busy ambitious who're ready to crush overwhelm, tame the anxiety, effectively manage stress and delete burnout. She helps her clients to create meaningful balance in their lives without sacrificing productivity at work or quality time with loved ones.
Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.
Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.
Dr. Toni has been in the helping professions field for over a decade.
For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com
For transformational life coaching: https://bit.ly/drtonicoaches
***DISCLAIMER: All information provided is for information purposes only and does not serve as nor substitute for any professional advice or treatment. Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: [email protected] or [email protected]