Day 4: Know & Connect With Your Why. A 6 Part Series to Tame the "Busy" & Gain Peace of Mind.
Dr. Toni Warner MSW, MED, LCSW
The Mental Health Mentor for Driven Leaders & Parents Who Care | Complex Trauma Therapist | Speaker | Teaching Sustainable Success in Leadership + Parenting |?? The Reset, A High Achievers Guide to Freedom & Fulfillment
Welcome to DAY 4 of the 6 Day Series:
6 Practical Step Formula to Tame the Busy-ness, Boost Energy Levels, Gain Peace of Mind & Reduce the Mind Clutter!
If you missed Day 1, here are a few ways to tune in.
Day 1 Video: Take Back Control of Your Schedule
Day 2 was all about prioritizing self-care; access below:
Day 2 Video: Slow Down for Self Care
Today, we will talk about Knowing & Connecting With Your Why
Rather watch? Here is the video.
If you know and believe you belong, which we talked about in step 3 (if you missed it you can click here to access it) and you no longer have to prove something to someone for some reason, then you’ll need to get clear on what your primary motivations are.
Why do you choose to expend your time, effort and energy the way you do?
What is primarily fueling you to do “all the things”, even when it consistently leads you to more stress or unwanted busy-ness?
As an action-taker.
A go-getter.
A problem-solver.
Someone who helps and leads.
You are certainly motivated by something. Your aspirations matter to you for some reason. Often these reasons are highly personal and powerful.
My reasons to be a helper and an authentic leader, as a mom, as a therapist and now as a life coach, were all driven by my deep desire to help others feel seen, heard and loved, because I knew so deeply what it felt like, first hand, not to feel that way.
You have your reasons too.
Over time, however, what can happen is that those reasons can morph into being fueled by different motivators.
For example, when in burn out, a lot of people are no longer fueled by feel-good passion and inspiration to do their work. Instead, they are predominantly fueled by the desire to simply get through the day.
They are wanting to escape the toxicity or overwhelm of their work environment; their motivation becomes more about escaping the unwanted than about enjoying the wanted parts of their work.
Burnout and anxiety are growing experiences in our society, and they result from these kinds of motivational shifts. Many caring, hard-working, ambitious people do become more motivated by the negative and less inspired by the positive.
How about you?
- Creating goals and achieving goals.
- Checking things off your checklist, and getting things done.
- Analyzing what needs to get done, how and why.
- Doing your best to be super efficient, knowledgeable and productive.
But, do you ever find yourself feeling resentful about it all? Perhaps guilty? Frustrated? Angry?
Of course these are all normal feelings to experience, but if you’re having to battle with them regularly, there is an issue and it needs to be addressed to stop that cycle of stress and frustration.
Let’s take Karla’s story as an example.
Karla went into her field because she always wanted to help people. She struggled in her own way growing up and always knew she wanted to be able to help people who struggled like she did. She knew how it felt and she wanted to be a part of the solution.
I can definitely relate to Karla.
She worked incredibly hard to achieve her career goals so she could take on a leadership position and be a part of the change that she desired.
In fact, she worked so hard that she didn’t know any other way to work.
She hadn’t learned or practiced any sort of life work balance, because she always worked hard to push towards her next goal.
Hustle and hard-work was her style.
She was so passionate about her work, that she never said no.
She felt called to do the work she did, and she was good at it, so she gave it her all.
She did that for a while, until it became her life.
She wound up feeling consumed by it.
She lost herself within it.
She didn’t have time for fun.
She didn’t have energy for romance.
She didn’t have mental space to bring forth her other life dreams, like starting a family of her own.
Red-tape at work created barriers for her to do what she wanted there, and so she grew frustrated. Since work was her life, this frustration felt inescapable.
“Fighting the good fight” started to eat up all of her time and her energy.
She'd wonder things like, “How could I ever have kids when I can barely find time to get everything done for work?”
At some point, she had stopped doing the work because she loved it, and started doing it because she had to.
She stopped enjoying the work, and doing it from a place of joy, and she started doing the work from the place of force and a desire to “just get it done”.
It was no longer a passionate choice; it had become an all-consuming obligation.
She started experiencing compassion fatigue.She didn’t realize it, but she was no longer operating from a place of desire or passion.She was mostly doing what she “should” and what she “had to”.
She burnt out.
It wasn't until she and I began to dig into what was actually driving her choices (her motivational forces), that she was able to reconnect with her passion and the “why” that really mattered to her.
She was being driven by the “need” to save everyone from the suffering she endured, and therefore took on all of the responsibility for everyone’s pain. She was driven to be the savior for everyone, even those who didn’t want saving. She had something to prove and a world to fix, and she was going to do everything she “should” to get that done- even if it cost her herself, her health and the other parts of her life that she had dreamt of one day creating.
As we dug, we unveiled that she actually wanted to help empower people to make their own choices; she was not responsible for making those choices for them. She re-discovered that she also wanted to create a fun life for herself, not just a work-based life.
Reconnecting with her career path as a choice, rather than an obligation, gave her more freedom at work. This, in turn, gave her more freedom in her life. She was able to remind herself that she could choose to also create a life for herself, filled with more fun and joy. She ultimately gained more motivation to enjoy all aspects of her life- work, relationships, and more!
If you can relate to any part of Karla’s story, you are not alone, but you do not need to stay there.
A good place to begin is to ask yourself this:
What currently drives your goals, your choices, your lifestyle set-up? Why do you live the way you do? Are you satisfied with this?
You deserve to enjoy the life you are living in!
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Helpful & Relevant Resources from Dr. Toni Below:
If you’re wanting help to dig deeper here, I of course have a few options to help you:
One is a low-cost, high-impact resource called Motivation Magic?and the other is a premium level coaching support package. Check them both out in the links below, and see which is the best fit for you.
Today’s helpful resource is just $40: The Motivation Magic? a monthly membership to boost motivation naturally and effectively.
Want premium level, life-enhancing support for almost 50% off? Here’s the 30 Day Premium Coaching Course for Busy Professionals & Ambitious Leaders. Clarity, Motivation & Time Creation Coaching Course.
* Case examples are composites; no personal client information is shared without client consent.
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Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for the busy ambitious who're ready to crush overwhelm, tame the anxiety, effectively manage stress and delete burnout. She helps her clients to create meaningful balance in their lives without sacrificing productivity at work or quality time with loved ones.
Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.
Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.
Dr. Toni has been in the helping professions field for over a decade.
For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com
For transformational life coaching: https://bit.ly/drtonicoaches
***DISCLAIMER: All information provided is for information purposes only and does not serve as nor substitute for any professional advice or treatment. Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: [email protected] or [email protected]