Day 16. You reap what your sow

Many people believe in a just world.

That those who behave badly will have their comeuppance & those who are kind, treat people well will be rewarded in some way.

This belief maintains the status quo.

Those in power maintain their control, with those who are oppressed and subservient unable to challenge.

As you read Elizabeth’s story consider how the shame has impacted on her feeling able to process what has happened & move forward.

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Elizabeth?

Elizabeth was born in 1968. She lived with her parents, two brothers & her grandfather who moved in when his wife died.

They were a deeply religious family & much of their free time was spent with their church community.

They were financially comfortable, but their wealth was shared with those who had fallen on hard times. Elizabeth spent much of her time with her mother cooking meals in the church hall & doing home visits with her grandfather, to those who couldn’t get to church due to a health problem or mobility problems.

Elizabeth enjoyed those?outings, seeing inside other people’s homes, learning how they lived & the warm feeling of knowing their visit had been a happy time for that person in a long & lonely day.

Her relationship with her grandfather was confusing & complicated.

Whilst he did things she instinctively knew were wrong at bedtime, she knew that he was a good man too. He told her his love. for her was so special that he needed to show her. Everybody admired him. He was highly respected & loved by every member of her family, so it felt confusing for Elizabeth.?

She convinced herself that he missed his wife’s affection & she was her replacement.

When she left home to go to university, she began to realise what had been happening.

She read books fiction & non fiction to help her understand.

Being away from home helped her to see clearly & she reassured herself that her grandfather would be punished in his next life. Telling her parents would only harm her family, their reputation.

She held on to that hope & when he later died, that belief gave her comfort.

Elizabeth is now in her late 50’s.

Having observed the world around her, she realises predators rarely get punished. When they do many people blame their victims and say 'why now, why not when it was happening?'

If only it were that simple.

She feels guilty that she kept quiet. What if there were other children? She will never know.

The constant internal wrestle leaves her unable to sleep, settle, constantly worrying.

The self blame tells on her body & mind.

She holds onto her secret, saying the words out loud will only make it feel real.

Written by Carrie

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