Day 16: Why your relationship is not optimal?

Day 16: Why your relationship is not optimal?

Every single person, scratch that every single man Has their own Story what they go through in a relationship, but the most important thing is to know that you're not unique. Throughout your Story and everything that you go through, you create a sense of wall or a mask to keep us hidden for my optimal truth.

Every single man in every relationship no matter how tough they may seem and no matter the type of mask they wear, they go through the same thing a sense of vulnerability. Each person has worn a variety of different masks to fulfil a set of expectation that the world has Off them and expected to live up to these standards or else they are not "men".

Your manhood within a relationship is very much optimal as it must live up to a standard portrayed by society. That standard is part of a fantasy that no ordinary man can live up to; therefore, we rely on using a mask to hide behind the truth, which is vulnerability.

Fathers looked at as heroes; they have no bound, husbands looked at as providers to all family, sons looked at as Big Brothers and protectors.

What is the common theme in all this?

All these expectations are placed upon them never chosen by them. That is why we remain in this constant loop, pleasing others, protecting others, providing for others while neglecting our own needs within a relationship.

Now we have a double-edged sword that if we don't live up to the standard, we hurt the ones we love. If we do end up living up to the rule, we hurt our own identity, and now we're stuck in a cyclic loop of misunderstanding ourselves and misrepresenting who we truly are. Lewis Howes spoke in his book the mask of masculinity and disclosed the nine different masks that ALL men wear.

He begins to breakdown what each mask consist of, but I want to focus on three primal masks they tend to resonate very well, and I used that concept to enlist into the people that I work with of how to counter it and find the best way possible to live a life of meaning and satisfaction:

1) The stoic man, the heroic fearless "badass", Lewis calls it in his book with the tough exterior that relies on little to no expression of feelings. It is a sense of strength that you present to prevent The World from seeing you for who you truly are, hiding behind the vulnerability through your heroic mask. But every hero has kryptonite, and every hero has a weak point, and the weak point that we have if used against us, we become crippled by our limitation.

So, when I teach my clients on how to deal with that mask, I helped them uncover a sense of ownership as an individual rather than the mask that they wear, but it all begins with identifying yourself through an honest reflection. The funny thing is the heroic mask only comes along when the woman in your life or the family who you were trying to protect. Then that same mask that you wear, became your own downfall as you become emotionally distant from the same people you tried to protect and love. So the mask that once got you the girl and the family, is the same mask that destroyed your relationship and minimises its optimal capabilities.

Learn acceptance, which is not to value the mask that you wear, but rather accept that you are much more than the role that you take. Because your value surpasses any possibility you have ever placed on yourself.

2) The materialistic mask- Many men believe that the material world defines success. The fastest car, the most beautiful house, the most delightful rooms, the shiniest accessories all of that defines you and your success, and that's a misinterpretation.

The problem with that concept is that no matter what you get, you'll always be short when you compare yourself to other people with the same successful lifestyle. Therefore, you are never satisfied with the lifestyle or the material lifestyle that you created, so now you are anchored, by your misguided thoughts about what success really looks like. The problem lies with this concept is that every time you have financial gain, you do attract the females that validate your success so now you end up going from meaningless sexual encounters, unfulfilled relationship and unsatisfied self-worth.

You begin to spiral down, hoping that the next project, the following income and the next uprising in your material gains magnetise happiness. However, as it says in the book Ego is the Enemy “whatever success you are after, keep in mind as someone has already had it, hated it and deluded themselves into thinking that just a little more will solve their problem".

So, you begin to justify every single action, every single interaction and every single material object that you obtain. This helps you close the void left inside of you. During our work, We focus on how to gain some sense of fulfilment and reach an optimal level in a relationship by gaining a sense of satisfaction with who you are as an individual.

How do you do that?

An honest reflection of where you belong and defining what success truly looks like in your life.

3) The Alpha mask: - This is where the rubber meets the road, the Alpha male is what defines almost every single man That has ever walked this earth that wants to appear tough. You want to create a sense of dominance to everyone that surrounds you, that dominance is based on control appearance of confidence and a sense of assertiveness so nobody can mess with you.

Alpha Male usually comes from the reverse upbringing where they have lacked control, had no voice; unable to speak up for themselves and now they overcompensate by creating a sense of illusion That they are in control and they want to rule the world. The exciting part is that when we work together on that concept, what is the most common theme that everyone shares are that; it is tiring; lonesome and extremely excruciating maintaining this mask.

It takes energy, extreme dedication to maintaining a facade that is not worth preserving. Don't get me wrong there are areas and times where you need to have those masks on. Creating dominance within your household to protect the ones that you love, sure enough, that is acceptable to an extent.

Alpha males no matter where you go in the wild, there's always a team standing behind the alpha male that emphasises, reassures and validates the Alpha male. So, the Alpha male is created due to a tribe or community that you must protect, but when danger is no longer present the mask is no longer needed.

You will find yourself more open to things, experience and people if you ease up on the mask. You become more adventurous; you become spontaneous; you start to let things go to enjoy the ride in your Lifestyle. You begin to embrace the journey towards satisfaction, and now you live in no obligation no standard and no expectation living but rather a carefree sincere emotionally connected lifestyle where everyone is together, and everyone helps one another to grow.

A vulnerability within these relationships is crucial to understanding yourself of who you truly are and remove the need for a mask that holds no obligation to you and serves you no purpose. Still, it does delete honesty sincerity and truthfulness within your relationship, and that's the only way you able to reach an optimal level within your relationship, you owe it to yourself and your family and your partner to give a chance to yourself once again.

#lovejourney #lovedoctor #metanoiaacademy