Daughters, Boardrooms & Bedrooms

One of the most important responsibilities for a father towards his daughter starts at her birth, her first diaper change, her first recognition, her first word and her first step.

The words and step will have major influence on the road-forks ahead eventually leading to destination of ‘boardroom or bedroom.’ Ideally, both!

My daughter was born 2 hours before February 29, 2000, obviously, serious issues would arise in having a birthday every four years during the ‘pre-teen and teen pressure-packed times.’ In hindsight, the uniqueness of her delivery time has road-mapped the unique choices she has taken so far and for me.

She has grown up in the shadows of her big brother, the six foot student-athlete: 2350 (out of 2400) on SATs, number 3 in graduating class, captain golf team, studying a semester in Prague and travelling on weekends to Berlin, Budapest, and so on. 

She is 4 fee 11 inches and doctors have said she will not be much taller. She is an average student. She has short attention span. She is not an athlete. We had to move her from school to school, as compatibility issues with girls in her class. 

But, she is a ‘bunny’ fighter, her nickname, and has a heart as big as the outdoors. These are ‘tests’ and, as with all tests, you learn about your DNA make up and resiliency. This is another form of ‘tough love,’ but love of yourself.

There is a saying, ‘its not the size of the dog, but the fight of the dog.’ No, my daughter will probably not join MMA, as she is scared to flying insects buzzing by when we play one-on-one basketball. Its usually she and I versus her brother, he gives us a lead and we foul him incessantly, but we still lose. But, most importantly, it’s about bonding! 

Having worked for multinational companies, Dow Jones and Thomson Reuters, and then few start ups, including Zilzar, travelling to over 35 countries (mostly emerging markets), presenting at conferences globally, etc., you realize very few women, absolute numbers or percentage of workforce, are present or represented at decision making levels.

I am sure, that I, like many fathers (and mothers), want to give their daughters all the tools to do better than their mothers, aunts, cousins, etc. And, lets not use the selective interpretation of Islam (or another faith) and culture luggage to maintain the status quo plight of girls/women. 

They are the most important change agents in families, villages, cities, countries, and, eventually societies. There are numerous examples, supported by many World Bank and other credible organization studies, that show when women are empowered (having an income) or educated, their children are on the path of escaping the continuous gravitational pull of poverty and illiteracy.

Now, a source for ‘children armies,’ in selected places in Africa, but that is a different story for another day. 

There is a saying, ‘give a man (or woman) fish, and he (she) is fed for the day, teach him (her) how to fish, he can feed himself (herself) for life (or make a living).’ 

May daughter has had many challenges in her 15 years, but every obstacle can be overcome with the right guidance, attitude, and determined execution.

Here are six (C) lessons for daughters: 

-Confidence: there is difference between smart (book smart) and having self-confidence. Confidence does not generally come from books, it produces knowledge and develops the imagination, but exposure, experience and explanations are keys, as it's a rough world out there.

Most importantly, explaining allows them to understand ‘why people behave as they do.’ I believe this is probably most important attribute, as it allows for them to undertake analysis of situations (say, where to work and moving up the ladder) and people (say, whom to friend to whom marry). This is the essence of all meetings and negotiations!

Be conscious: there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, former is welcomed and latter is shown the exit door.

-Choices: Every day we make hundreds, if not thousands, of choices, some, without knowing, attribute it to habit. Choices are made not only by having access to information (evidence), but, more importantly, the ‘gut feel.’ The gut feel is a function of both experience and confidence. Is woman’s intuition a ‘gut feel,’ as no such thing as ‘man’s intuition.’ Query: Are choices made by women decision makers more second guessed by staff, colleagues, reporting executive Board, media, etc., than male counter-parts?

Be conscious: choices have consequences, as there few ‘re-dos’ in life. Sometimes choices are not in your control, hence, ‘gotta play the hand dealt, not what you wish was dealt. 

-Content: We all know shallow people, male and female, and they typically all arise to their level of incompetence at companies. But, substance produces content. Content goes to above-mentioned exposure. For me, the most interesting meetings are when I learn, get introduced to another way of thinking, an insight, or even corrected. The above has happened to me with women colleagues and staff. But, I have found that educated women convey it in way that is more diplomatic without undermining senior’s authority. As a general rule, you, from CEO to GM, will listen to people with content.

Be conscious: content is king and it’s not just for websites.

-Communication: The art communication, especially thinking in your feet, turns ordinary person to persuasive orator. The social media has made the ‘thumb and index finger stronger,’ but has also weakened the vocabulary with slang and shortened terms. People can inspire by mere words than 140 characters.

For example people waited in lines to hear Steve Jobs and then the announcement.

For example, beauty/looks eventually fade and someone younger is always around the corner, but having a ‘woman’ of substance is like a diamond, forever!

Be conscious: be the person that can ‘make words sing,’ but no need to memorize the dictionary. 

-Continuity: The follow-up after the meeting, the call, networking session, etc., on a timely basis shows professionalism. One of the most important lessons in building and growing business relationships, network effort, is people remembering you. When people remember, it implies you have made a positive imprint and will be given an opportunity, and, more importantly, the benefit of the doubt when things are not working out accordingly.

Be conscious: continuity will land you the next deal.

Closure: The counter-party and your team will generally remember those who close the deal, and they are invited to the press event with the photo-ops. Obviously, that's not the end goal, but by-product, but you want to be the one that team looks to close deals or can rescue a deal that is foregone conclusion.

Be conscious: it’s not the start the race, but the finish that matters.

The above characteristics result in a daughter that may delay marriage, as career driven. Or it may result in finding a person that appreciates those qualities and can further enhance and take advantage of it for their own benefit.

Behind every successful woman includes guidance, exposure, and their dad (and mom). Behind every successful husband will be the wife, someone’s daughter!

Who you were does not mean you will be that.

Nurture complimenting nature.

My daughter will cast her own shadow! You can find her on Instagram.

What advice do you give your daughter? 

Rushdi Sddiqui, Co-Founder & CEO, www.zilzar.com and www.zilzarlife.com

@rushdisiddiqui