Dating ... Right? "Deal-Breakers" & "Red-Flags" vs. a "Real Connection"

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Dating ... Right?

So, what is perfect for you? I'm not looking for perfect, but it seems that many men and women are.

I'll settle for that old saying "Perfectly Imperfect, for me."

We all have things that we cannot live within a partner. Mine are pretty basic, just don't be mentally ill, a drug addict, alcoholic or dishonest.

The funny thing is how that changes over time.

For me it has become (I'm exaggerating below, to make a point):

If you're mentally ill, just be self-aware and on meds.

If you do drugs, please do not do it every day or at least don't do the hard drugs like heroin.

Okay, so you're an alcoholic ... just be one that is jolly and fun not the angry and unhappy type.

But Dishonesty is still dishonesty so that's still a no-go for me.

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How about you?

I believe in love and being loving. As a guy, those traits are shown through honor, respect and attention.

So, my bottom line are those 3 things now. Regardless of any personal issues they may have. Everyone struggles from time to time. Nobody reading this, including the one writing this, is perfect.

So, to dissect this further, if you find someone who you have that instant undeniable chemistry with but there are issues with money, distance, etc. You know ... the things that are more convenience over substance. What do you do?

I am far from an expert, if anything I have always "chosen" wrong. So maybe it's not a choice? Maybe all of our lists of red flags, deal breakers, etc. is just that? Maybe those keep us from that great love, the love of your life?

Recently I started trying to follow the path that is about the energy around me, some would say the path chosen for me. I fought this, by the way, my whole life.

I always felt that the perception of me vs the real me were very different. But once I accepted the perception and I actually flowed with it (energy) I discovered something very unique.

I discovered self-worth and a confidence in myself that was always underlying within me, but I suppressed it.

Think about that ... I suppressed the two qualities that are the most significant in determining our success and happiness. I guess that is what they call "self-sabotage," and I did it so righteously

I mean I believed that all my good qualities like being so nice, honest, loving, loyal, etc. was because I wasn't confident or self-aware. I know, dumb, right?

Anyway, to realize I could have been those two things and the others as well at a much younger age was a huge eye opener for me.

If you find someone who is not perfect, but they may be perfect (personality, spirit, character) for you and you felt a connection.... Go for it! Yours and their own moment of self-actualization and awareness may have already happened, or it will happen. But you'll most likely not find that connection (energy) again.

So, my list now is just .... Energy, or Chemistry as you would know it by.

Life is short, crap happens. Find the person you could be dirt poor with and build your empire, whatever that looks like for you. Maybe it is an actual empire or maybe it's living in suburbia or on a farm with 2 or 3 kids followed by 6 - 9 grandkids.

Just don't block yourself from love when that chemistry hits you. It's a rare thing, often overlooked and mostly regretted once it's gone.

My point is Chemistry is separate from all other factors. All the stuff on your lists, can be done and checked off together.

Don't hesitate if you find the connection, chemistry, energy or whatever it's called. Don't even worry about calling it anything because you'll know when you feel it anyway

For crying out loud, or for heaven's sake, as our grandparents would have put it, it can be, should be, nameless.

Because once you have it .... who cares to name it, just go with it!

So, do you believe in soul mates? chemistry? The universe picks your path and/or partner? Or something else?

Do you feel it? Or do you believe that you choose it, and you will find the person that checks every box and is perfect, regardless of Chemistry? And for those of you that have a list and chemistry is on the list .... oyvay, let us all know how that works out for you

Anyway, just asking for a friend.

Afterall, I'm just happy to be "perfectly imperfect" for someone, someday.

Written by Heath Anderson

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NOTE: Chemistry is different for everyone. It could be anything from intellectual to a feeling of home to sexual and all that is between. So, to find the person with the same chemistry type is rare enough. But then to actually feel it, with each other, is as rare as a winning lottery ticket. In a way it is the ultimate winning lottery ticket!