The Dateline Rule

Getting feedback to improve while you have the chance?

The Background?

There is nothing more fun on a Friday evening than a blanket, a beverage, and a good old-fashioned murder in the heartland (although I am not a proponent of murder). I’m such a fan of Dateline that Keith, Andrea, Dennis, and Josh have become staples in my home. There is something about the mystery and the unique stories that keep me coming back week after week to find out who was killed, who the prime suspect is, and what happened next.??

While each week a new story is presented, the structure of the show is always consistently predictable. There is always someone who was murdered (and in rare occasions, other crimes), there is always a suspect, and it’s almost always the spouse. Even though it is predictable, it’s such a great show to unwind after a long week and see if the producers will try to throw any twists and make you think it is going one way and then pivot quickly to another.?

So why the Dateline Rule? Because one of the consistent things you will hear when you watch this show is how amazing the victim was. They always lit up a room when they entered. They always had a smile that would take your breath away. They knew no strangers and had no enemies. There is this fascinating effect that death has on the perception of a person. We remember those who passed in the most positive of lights, often enhancing their characteristics with every discussion. You never hear a victim on Dateline described as “despised by many” or “friend of few” or even “he was just an average guy with a few friends.” No, you will always here the most flattering descriptions imaginable.??

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The Rule?

I call this the Dateline Rule because while you will most likely be remembered fondly in death, its’s critical to know what people think about you in life. Professionally, this comes through the form of feedback. When you are in a position of authority, most people you lead will be pleasant and agreeable to much of what you say and ideas that you have. However, most people have secondary and more accurate opinions of you, your style, and your decisions that aren’t reflected in a face to face encounter.??

One of the best things that you can do as a leader is to provide anonymous ways to solicit feedback about you, as a leader, from your staff. By creating an anonymous survey, you can provide your staff a chance to share things with you that they may feel uncomfortable sharing with you directly in a face-to-face setting. Digital, anonymous surveys provide your employees with a secure space to share things that they want you to know without recourse. By doing this, you can gather much needed information to improve your performance as a leader and ultimately, your team.??

Before you do this, there are some things I have to warn you…?

• Be Mentally and Emotionally Prepared?

• Those people who love you and laugh with you when you see them, may say some pretty mean things. There may be comments that are personal or cut deep. You have to be ready for this. While anonymity provides a space for candid feedback, it can sometimes provide an opportunity for poor social dynamics to emerge. You have to enter into this process knowing that this has a high likelihood of happening because at the end of the day, you are dealing with people.?

• Keep it anonymous at all times?

• I’ve seen situations where the survey began anonymously but because of what was said, the leader turned into Sherlock Holmes, knocking on every door and chasing every clue to figure out who said it. It’s easy to try and guess who it might be, but sometimes when you find out, it wasn’t who you expected at all and the relationship suddenly changes. By keeping it anonymous, you can take that feedback and use it for self-reflection and improvement.?

• Be open to self-reflection and change?

• If you are looking for a data set to support how great you are, don’t survey your staff. Most of the time, there is always some data point that you won’t agree with. Rather than looking at the comments, some leaders will try to explain away the response and make no changes to their behavior or actions. When you do this, it diminishes the opinion and value of the employees who took the time to give honest and open feedback during the survey process. Ask yourself why they may have said this or what ways you could change things up a? bit.??

• Communicate your plan?

• It’s vital that the feedback remain anonymous individually, but it’s fair to share with your staff changes you plan to make based on feedback. One time, I had staff share that they felt out of the loop on things and that I didn’t share information. Instead of getting upset about it, I implemented a weekly email where I would share the things going on in the organization so that they were always in the loop. During a team meeting, I made it clear that based on the feedback I received, I would be making this change to better meet everyone’s needs. This was not for a pat on the back or a bigger gift card on Bosses Day, but it was about letting them know that I heard them and I am taking action. When the people you lead see you take action, it builds trust and makes your future requests for feedback even more meaningful.??

The more you engage in the feedback process, the more you will begin building a culture of continuous improvement and honest communication. If you’re not sure where to start, consider a Start-Stop-Continue survey, one of the easiest surveys to create and distribute. What is one thing you’d like me to start doing? What’s one thing you’d like me to stop doing? What is one thing you’d like me to continue doing? These three simple questions can yield some powerful open-ended data for you to begin improving as a leader.??

The Application?

I worked with another manager Geoffrey at a previous organization. We had similar roles but in different departments. When I took over a new team, I knew I wanted to get feedback on how I was doing because I was filling in some big shoes and there had been a lot of transition. I did the Start-Stop-Continue survey and got a lot of information about things I needed to do differently that ranged from big changes to small tweaks.??

Over lunch one day, I was sharing with Geoffrey how effective I thought it was. There were some things on there that had remnants of hurt from some people, but I knew it wasn’t personal and that there was something I could learn from it. I shared my plans for making some changes and how much I thought the team would like them (spoiler alert: they loved the changes).??

Geoffrey got so excited by the idea that he decided he wanted to do it to. Similar to my warning to you earlier, I told him that it wasn’t for the faint of heart. I tried to give alternate ways to get feedback for the first time because I knew that there were many strong personalities on his team that did not like him and were very vocal when Geoffrey wasn’t around. He didn’t listen and just did the survey anyway.??

As you can imagine, the results were less than flattering. Geoffrey spent days trying to figure out based on the sentence structure, grammar, and style – who had said which things. Eventually, he called a meeting with his staff and pulled up each response to ask who had said it. No employee said a word or took credit for their comments. Instead, it turned into an awkward and uncomfortable meeting for everyone involved. Instead of discussing trends and actions, it turned into a jury trial with only the defense counsel present. This meeting became legend in our organization. Several people transferred or left and eventually Geoffrey didn’t survive with the organization.?

He wasn’t ready to receive critical feedback. As a leader, you must prepare yourself for this type of feedback and if you’re not, don’t ask. If you never ask, you can never grow and you’ll never know the truth and be left with a potentially unhappy and less productive team. Don’t be stuck with an inauthentic Dateline description of your professional self. Know the truth, be self-reflective and improve your practice in order to create a professional legacy you can be proud of.??