Date with my Ex Boss: 11 lessons that changed the way I do business.

When I was 19, my first office job that lasted two years before I got married at 20 - was that of a Marketing and Sales Executive for a local logistics firm. My salary was merely SGD 1400 a month, which I can barely live on. Other than that, I had a difficult boss causing me to tender my resignation four times. Three times, he had called me back and for some reason I thought he had valued me and changed. But I was wrong. I permanently left the job at some point and went on to get married, and migrated to Australia.

The only thought I carried of him is how bad of a boss he is, and I hated every minute I was there working for him.

I was ready to move on to my next phase of life. Lived in Australia and became a stay home mother of three children. At some point in 2010, I became desperate to earn extra income for my family and eventually started a small business from home. Without enough corporate experience, business network or business acumen, I struggled a lot trying to grow a business to earn for my family.

Read related article of the first business I built from home called Bebebows.

Then I had flashbacks.

I was reading a lot of business articles but I do not seem to get anywhere with business. I am earning some money, but can't seem to develop myself enough to grow the company. I started thinking of the only corporate experience I had - which was with my ex boss. I recalled the memories of events that made me hated him. Only this time, I saw it from a different perspective. This time, I understood the lessons he left behind for me to learn. I started to appreciate that he made time to break me in order to groom me. And that lessons stayed on deep inside of me, now really to be unleashed.

Suddenly, I felt grateful for he mentored me.

It's actually because he cared and know I won't stay long with the business, which is why he was hard on me. He've always told me "You are a diamond inside a stone, and need to be polished." I never understood what that meant, hey, I was only 19. But nine years later, I started to believe him.

Date with my ex boss.

I called him after that many years, and re-connected with him. For the next few years building the business, I met him just so I could learn again from him. And I've collated his pearls of wisdom in a book "Date with my Ex Boss" to remind me the impact he left behind. Even though he does not seem like the best boss, but sometimes people groom you differently. And if you look beneath, there is also goodness out of something that looks bad.

Here are the 11 lessons he left with me. In my book, you'll find the stories of the circumstances on how he actually groomed me to learn these lessons.

• Learn a new skill for the opportunity to know something new, not second question if it brings you immediate monetary return. He once taught me making coffee, because it's the simplest to make a client feel comfortable. I remembered resisting it, but realised that all businesses deals I closed were initiated by similar small kind gestures like this.
• It does not matter what you feel for the job or the person, the main objective is perform your best in executing a task or presenting yourself. So this way, you dictate what they think of you as an impression and that's your upper hand to win another kind of game, another day. Your work is not just a representation of what you know, but your work ethics are spelt all over it. People may dislike you but they can't deny how good you are.
• I had arguments with my colleagues and came complaining, he told me if you can't win the war in here - how do you plan to win out there? Learn to turn strangers your customers, and enemies your best friends. Master that, and you'll live to conquer.
• The aim is not to earn income for the day or for the month. No matter how much you think is enough, always target to sell the future. Do sales and find business everyday to earn you for as long as you can. One day, you'll be thankful to have earn your future sales income way in advance before you live the future. Furthermore, the more you do business - the more effortless it will be to earn.
• When you want someone's business, its not offering them what you have but offering them what they need. Your job is not to poach a hundred options, but to make the time to learn what they do and think deeper in their shoes of the circumstances they are surrounded with even if they don't directly tell you. Analyse their potential problems from clues they give in their conversation, and eliminate 98 of your proposals to offer your best TWO solutions to fit them. Naturally, there is no way of losing. Offer less, but offer right.
• People can choose to give you business the same way they can take away business from you. People have the power to make that decision, so to be successful is all about winning people. Business is not necessarily an open deal, the best business deals are ones that are hidden. You can only see this opportunity if that person allows you to, so it's how he/she feels about you that can make them open doors for you. Before you ask people for business, start a friendship by giving value that builds up trust in them and in time, naturally people feel the inclination to make sure they repay you with the opportunity you need.
• Always work with people who are recommended to you. If you are looking for a provider, partner, employee - choose those who came to you as a recommendation. Someone who knows about your business, and someone who someone else are willing to vouch for. Simply with that chain of assurance, you get the best of the people who came to you instead of those you go to.
• Keep important work your importance - There are many aspects and departments to a business. But while you delegate and pass on work to people of better expertise, there are some parts of a business that should be handled only by you. These are the more serious work like managing relationships with your stakeholders and stockholders. You would not want anyone in the business to jeopardize this relationship that sustains your business as a whole, so while everyone you hire do the work for the business - you focus your time and attention to preserve these important relationships.
• Never park your eggs in one basket. It's nice to earn a good income from a channel, but many factors come into play (most beyond your control) to make a channel long term sustainable for you. Because of fluctuations and change of these factors, it will naturally impact your rice bowl and when it does, it gets painful. By parking investments elsewhere (money or time) to earn from various channels, you earn regardless if one channel gets cut off. So while you have a skill, utilize that skill to earn you in various areas and capacities through other ventures. Make more within the same period of time, on the same skill you already have.
• The law of attraction is still the most effective way to win attention, before you can sell anytime. By being presentable, punctual, well-mannered are important traits to win people to start giving you their time. People want to be around someone they are comfortable with, and one who respects their time. Once you get that attention, your conversation with them after will be more valued.
• Be direct. People will appreciate you later on if they never beat around the bush. Tell them straight, no matter how harsh but in a non- condescending way not to hurt them but to make them understand what they can improve. Giving constructive feedback is always positive, so tell them the truth and tell them straight up. By not telling people direct, the same matter will keep coming back to haunt you. If you want something to end, tell them there and then so it ends. No one really loses because since it's never a good match, its actually a favour done now that both parties can move on to find opportunities that fit them individually. You are setting them free, instead of holding them back to something that might not happen.

Hope these lessons impact you in some way as you deal with people, do business and achieve greater heights.

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