Data & Analytics News: Today’s Headlines

1. Doctors Fear Rise of Event-Overload Syndrome

April 1, 2022?-?As the Coronavirus pandemic winds down, doctors are now warning about an explosion in illnesses resulting from over-exposure to in-person events.?

Called Event-Overload Syndrome, the illness is marked by unusual giddiness about eating airplane food, taking Uber rides, wandering cavernous exhibit halls, and sitting through endless presentations.?

“We’re concerned that people will overbook themselves before their minds and bodies are fully acclimated to the stresses of event attendance,” says Wade Aminit,?head of the American Medical Association.?

Industry analysts are particularly vulnerable since they typically attend 20-40 events a year. “I’ve got 10 weeks of back-to-back vendor conferences scheduled,” says E. Gerbever, a data management analyst at Forrester Research. “I also plan to spend every weekend in Vegas–that’s where most events are anyway.”

2. New ML Algorithm Detects Vendor Hype

A new Google Chrome plug-in last week sent tidal waves of fear through the software vendor community and set the stage for a huge legal battle.

The plug-in, created by NYC high school student Donna Fulmi, uses machine learning (ML) to detect marketing jargon and exaggerated claims on web pages and auto-deletes the offending text.

Worried that their websites will be blank, a bevy of heavyweight software makers, including MicroZon Inc. and Orasoft Corp., have asked a federal judge in NYC to block the distribution of the plug-in.

In the past two months, the popular plug-in has been downloaded 5.5 million times. “This is the best software ever created,” said the head of application development at a major financial firm who wished to remain anonymous. “It’s accelerated our product evaluation process.”

3. SnowBurst receives $1B to Turn Data Exhaust into Stardust

SnowBurst stunned the investment world when it raised $1.05 billion last week, becoming the biggest analytics unicorn in history.

The investment is jaw-dropping considering SnowBurst was incorporated just a month ago and consists of three guys in a Palo Alto garage. The company’s stated goal is to turn zettabytes of corporate data exhaust into stardust that can be used to reverse global warming.

“It’s just an idea right now,” says 22-year old SnowBurst CEO, Jason Whittlesbee. “But we’re glad for the funding since our garage costs $35,000 a month to rent.”

Investors who got locked out of other recent analytics unicorns bid up the price of SnowBurst. “We didn’t want to miss out again,” said Eric Fomo, general manager at Sanity Investments, which was one of the lead investors along with DreamBig Holding Co.

4. Experts Favor Data Slabs Over Data Mesh

Data and analytics are moving too fast for decision-makers to keep up; it’s time for data teams to consider the pros of slowing down.

“If you’re going to deploy a strong stable foundation upon which to build analytics applications, a data slab is far better than a data mesh,” says Ino Alot, a data architect expert from Alaska. “Mesh can be flimsy for industries that are used to concrete legacy systems. Executives are rightfully concerned about data slipping through the gaps.”

In a slab set up, data is crushed together to form a solid platform, making slab solutions convenient for those looking to reduce the volume of their data or who are concerned about storage capacity. No need to worry about row versus columnar processing anymore, either, since the slab efficiently compresses data into a single, dense unit. Once an organization’s data is compressed into a slab, its analytics applications will run slowly enough for the executive team to keep pace with the insights being hewn from the slab.

If a data slab sounds like the right solution for you, current leading slab providers are data.rock, Grannitte, and MarbleOps. Pioneer provider Slab.io is rolling out a new product, Pumice Slab, a more buoyant slab solution that offers slightly faster processing for those organizations with data-savvy decision-makers.

5. Coat Made of Data Fabric Takes Fashion Week by Storm

Software company IBN teamed up with avant garde designer, Charlie Yorkading, to set the world of haute couture ablaze this season with a bold new jacket crafted entirely from data fabric.

The parka–which retails for $250,000 a year, or more for the enterprise edition–promises to keep the wearer warm with enriched semantic layers.

Asked what inspired the unorthodox collab, a spokesperson for IBN replied “Everyone knows wearables are the next big thing in computing, and the beauty of data fabric is the number of use-cases it supports, so when Charlie approached us, we figured ‘why not?’”

The coat is just the latest piece in Yorkading’s line of “techstyles.” Previous projects have included a bathing suit for swimming in data lakes, a poncho to keep off rain from hybrid clouds, and hiking boots for data migrations.

6. Data Governance Team Eyes Office Decor

What does a successful data governance team do once it’s properly governed all enterprise data assets? It seeks to tidy up office cubicles.

The five-person data governance team at FastFriendly’s, a discount retailer, has won national awards for its data governance prowess. But faced with ultra-clean and trustworthy data, it realized it needed to expand its mission to keep pace with corporate culture.

“Our CEO is neat-nick who gets anxious when he sees how slovenly some employees keep their cubicle spaces,” says Les Loth, head of data management and governance. “That gave us an opening.”

The team is developing policies and standards to ensure personal photos are properly framed, manilla folders are properly labeled, stickies are replaced with chalkboards, and Dilbert cartoons removed.

“We’ve got a great plan,” says Loth. “But change management will be key to get employees on board with it.”

We Got You!

At Eckerson Group, we love a jolly joke and a fun pun, so we wanted to practice our sense of humor in hopes of raising a few smiles on April Fools Day!

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