The Darkness of the Mind

Wow today has been a loaded day today so far, very colourful.

An interesting group session this morning, talking about personal responsibility, our part in creating situations & more besides. Then some work I had has stopped, due to the organisation's budget changing & now mine too as a consequence. Hearing about a lovely looking, successful young lady who has taken her life, which saddened me. It made me stop for a while. I didn't know her personally, but from the outside looking in she had a good life/ She was in the limelight, well known & well liked, very pretty & yet there it is. Did people know? Maybe, maybe not.

Then, reading some powerful posts here on here, so much so that I've shared two of them One about the lack of response from the medical profession in Ireland while a woman waits to know more about her cancer diagnosis, wondering if she's dying. In her post she was bleeding out, asking for help. I thought things were bad here in England, seems it's far & wide right now.

The other post about mental health & the stigma that still exists around it, & it does. It's like some people think they'll catch it if they engage with someone who's experiencing it. The mere fact that this reaction occurs says a great deal,

they're open to it just like the other person, they fear it, & that's the truth. No-one is immune, no-one. Things can happen at any time, life can be brutal at times.

Having been at the receiving end myself many years ago, I know first-hand how unkind, lonely & exclusive this can be, thus exacerbating the horrible feelings that person is most likely already experiencing. I know how clever people can become at wearing a mask, to pretend & hide what's really going on, to detract those kinds of responses from the outside world. I could have won an Oscar at times.

I don't know what the answer is exactly, otherwise I would give it right now. What I do know is, my experience was over thirty years ago & while we're talking about it more, things really do need to change much more than they have. If someone around you told you they had cancer, the likelihood is that you would offer an ear, listen & have some compassion. If someone around you told you they were hearing voices, experiencing anxiety because they wanted to end their life, would you do the same thing? Some would, but many wouldn't.

I realise that some of this is borne out of fear & not knowing what to do and yet, some of it is also a lack of interest, an attitude of, it only happens to certain kinds of people and not me & also, a lack of care. This has to stop, for it is getting worse, among young people, men & women, so across the board.

How do I manage when life hits the fan & rattles my centre?

I've learned to look at what's happening, not hide or run from it.

I've built up my inner strength & resilience to trust that I can, & I will find a way through. I choose to believe that there is always a way.

I write things out, I pray, I laugh, I shrug my shoulders & start over.

I dance around, scream & shout if I need to, I let some of the angst, out.

I practice Qigong & Tai Chi, Yoga & go outside. I look & listen to the wonders & the lessons that Mother Nature provides.

I might share what's happening with one or two people, if I choose to, or maybe just go through it by myself, for I am my own best friend. The two of us work well together, me & my best friend. ???Sometimes we let someone else in, if we need to & choose to.

Ultimately, I stop & let what's happening pass through me & out the other side, because things can, & will change. Something has to leave for something else to enter in the door.

I chose to live many years ago, as opposed to the alternative & I have & will honour that promise to myself, no matter what. Is it easy? No way, sometimes it's far from easy. Life can be brutal, life can kick you in the teeth & other places & still, life can also be beautiful. It is a precious gift if you hold it as one.

No matter the amount of money you have, or the status you think you have, the following or the adoration of the outside world, none of that matters when the desperation of depression, the pain of overwhelming anxiety & the idea & intention of suicide cloud over you & overtake your very existence.

It's a cloud that bursts into torrential, everlasting rain, a hurricane of tormenting thoughts & desires, no matter the age, the sex, or the abilities of the being it's hanging over.

They say we need to be kind. I think it goes way beyond that now. I think we need to learn more, to listen to those who have actually lived it & not just learned about it from books & in trainings. To actually open up to the reality that it IS a world-wide problem & that it could happen to you, to anyone.

To not be frightened of being frightened about it. Look beyond what someone is saying to you. Look at their behaviours. When someone is acting the clown & keeps messing up, which you may find funny because they're entertaining, maybe they're suffering underneath. Ask, be mindful.

When someone is always striving & achieving, thinking that this is all that's important in life. When the stakes are so high that the bar keeps rising for them, maybe they've had enough. Maybe they cannot go further or struggle on. Look, see & ask, what's going on here'?

Maybe there's no time to stop & ask, you have other things to do & places to go.

Maybe that's it! We need to make time, to find time, as well as being kind!