Darkness knocks at your door

By Robert Bauer MA, JD

Julie Ingram

Its 6 o’clock in the evening and there is a knock at the door.  Who could it be? wondered Julie Ingram. The kids are at soccer practice, John is at work on the evening shift at our local police department.  He is a Patrol Sergeant and manages 6 other officers. They are a tight knit group. I’m not expecting anyone. Maybe one of those church groups, they can wait, Julie thought.

I’m standing in the kitchen making cookies from scratch when I hear a knock on the front door. I wasn’t in a hurry to answer it as if it was a friend or family member they would come through the kitchen back door.  But I decided to wash my hands and answer it anyway. It could be a church group or a delivery.. Now as I was washing my hands I heard a second knock, this one sounded urgent. So I grabbed the kitchen towel to dry my hands and picked up my pace to answer the door.  As I pulled the door open I saw the Deputy Police Chief and the Police Chaplain standing there. My knees become rubbery, I could feel myself collapsing, the air in my lungs seem to be escaping as I fight to breath. I knew why they were here, something happened to John.  I think I heard the Deputy Chief say that there was a shooting and John was hit and we need to get you to the hospital. I was overwhelmed and I wasn't thinking clearly, but I think I heard the Chaplain say the neighbors would take care of the children. The next few hours are blurry.  What is happening? I feel like I am spinning out of control.

Deputy Chief

It’s about 5:10 pm, I am sitting in my office getting ready to pack up for the day and go home to spend time with my grandchildren.  I hear a lot of activity on the tactical channel of our police department. As I am getting up from my desk. I hear “shots fired, officer down.  Get me a effing bus here now..”  I grabbed my phone and immediately called our Patrol Manager , Lt. Ron Jackson, to get information on what was going on.  He tells me that the Sgt John Ingram's squad was responding to a domestic violence call when upon arrival the officers were ambushed by gunfire,  Sgt. John Ingram was hit in the head and it did not look good. I told the Lieutenant to get the Police Chaplain on the horn and have him meet me in the sally-port in 10 minutes.  I also wanted to be updated as to the condition of John and where they were taking him.

I had to call the Chief who was away at a conference in Washington DC.  My stomach has turned to mush, I hate making calls like this, all I wanted to do is sit here and break something and cry.  But I have to keep it together, I have to maintain my control for the troops.

Just got off with the Chief and gave him an update.  That was tough. It’s 5:20 pm and I just arrived to the sally-port and the Chaplain is waiting.  He obtained all the information we needed to make a family notification; he had the home address of John and all the pertinent information about John's family.  Sgt John Ingram is a 22 year veteran of the police force. He has been a Patrol Sergeant for about 12 years. He is married to Julie Ingram for 25 years and he has children; a daughter who is 19 and away in college, and twin daughters that are 17 who are seniors and play on the local high school soccer team.

The Chaplain reached out to the college PD to make the notification there and we have dispatched one of our police units to pick her up and bring her home.  The Chaplain learned that the twins are at soccer practice, so we have dispatched a unit there to pick the girls up with the help of the Vice Principal and bring them to the hospital.  The Chaplain has also learned that John was escorted to our level IV trauma center located at the local hospital by the Sheriff’s deputies.

We just pulled up in John’s neighborhood.  We parked across the street in front of a neighbors house so as not to cause undue alarm before we get to the door.  I asked the Chaplain to pray for us before we brought darkness to knock on Sgt Ingram's door.

Chaplain

It's a few minutes after 5 pm in the afternoon and the police dispatch called me and told me there had been an officer shot in the line of duty, his status was unknown, but the Deputy Chief needs to meet me in the sally-port in 10 minutes.  I started to head back to the Police Station and while en route I called the Patrol Manager to get more information about the officer who had been shot and his family. Lt Jackson was prepared to offer me all the information I needed and had taken steps to get the children who was away at college or at the high school soccer practice.  I learned the officer was Sgt John Ingram. He was a 22 year veteran of the force. I know him well, he is very active in the community and his family. He is always pulling picture out of his daughters. He is so proud of them. He is also a big advocate of the Veterans community. Whenever they encounter a homeless veteran he makes sure they get a hot meal and a shower, and slips them a couple of bucks when he can.

But now he is fighting for his life and we have to get his family there to help him rally.  I meet the Deputy Chief and I briefed him as we are headed over to Sgt. Ingram's home. The ride was silent, I know the Deputy Chief was pondering how to tell Sgt Ingram’s wife that her husband has been shot.  This isn’t the first time for him to make this type of notification, but when you do it, it's never easy. The Deputy Chief advises his driver to part away from the Ingram's home, he did not want to give her an alert of our presence before we got to the door.

As we step out of the car, the Chief turns to me and says, “Chaplain, pray for us before we bring darkness to knock on the Ingram's door.” I said a prayer and we began to cross the street.  We arrived at the front door and the Deputy Chief says.” here comes darkness” as he rapped his knuckles on the door.  We stood there for what appeared to be like an eternity,( maybe 5 minutes or so), and the Chief knocked again this time with that police authority.  The door swung open and Ms Ingram collapsed to the floor. I immediately moved in to catch her before she hit the floor.

Deputy Chief

When we arrived at the front door of the Ingram home, I took a deep breath and murmured “here comes darkness” and rapped the door lightly.  We stood there for a few minutes with no answer.  It seemed like a very long time. I reached up and knocked a little harder and louder this time.  The door swung open and Mrs. Ingram collapsed to the floor. The Chaplain reached in to slow the fall of Mrs. Ingram.  As she sat on the floor trying to catch her breath, I told her that we needed to get her to the hospital right away. I told her John had been shot and he needed his family there.  Mrs. Ingram mumbled something about her girls. The Chaplain told her that her girls were being taken care of by her friends and they were being brought to the hospital. We were able to get her on her feet and moved to the car.  It was about 6 pm and we were 10 minutes away. I instructed the driver to activate all the emergency equipment and step on it.

Chaplain

Mrs. Ingram is in the car and we are on the way to the hospital.  The Deputy Chief said hit the lights and let’s go. As we were traveling I called Dispatch to find out the status of the girls.  The girls at the high school had been picked up and were on their way to the hospital. We should all arrive the same time. The daughter away at school had been notified and our unit is just arriving to pick her up, she is about an hour away.  I looked over at the Chief and gave him a thumbs up. Mrs. Ingram was just to numb emotionally to notice, and the Deputy Chief just cradled her in his arms.

As we all arrived to the hospital about the same time (the Deputy Chief, Chaplain and the Ingram's), we walked through the emergency room doors and was escorted to the surgical waiting room, as John was in surgery to remove the bullet from his head.  As we moved through the hallways I could see the Ingram's were hanging their heads fearing making eye contact with those that were lining the walls, all they saw were black boots lining the hallway. These men and women standing in support of John and his family are friends, life-long friends as well as strangers who felt like family.  They are hurting as much a Julie and her kids.

Darkness hits the door

This scenario is not exactly the same every time, as it plays out differently after each event far to often across this country these days.  Darkness comes to the door at unexpected times on many doors in this country as law enforcement officers are being attacked and gunned down in the line of duty at an increased rate explosion all thanks to an agenda and click driven media.

Anger, fear, anxiety, ,betrayal, the feeling of being alone begins to bubble up to the surface in the lives of the surviving officers, their families and the community.  The feeling that could happen to them at any moment. And then the question is asked over and over again. Why?  Why did Sgt Ingram have to get shot in the line of duty? He is a good man that cares for his family, community and his fellow officers. Why did the couple that was fighting escalate to violence? Why didn't they just leave the house? Why wasn’t there more officers there?  It was a domestic violence call for God's sake, send the frigging cavalry. Then there is the shame with the “if only's; if only I was there to back him up. If only I didn't have an argument with him. If only's are the elements of false guilt.” The questions that cannot be answered.

Far to often...

In 2018, we have buried far to many men and women in uniform to early in their lives; from senseless accidents, hostile acts, illnesses and suicide.  Death seems so final, yet leaves gaping holes of uncertainty in those left behind. Aggression is scary, we can overcompensate out of fear or we can get to relaxed and ignore it. All of this resulting in PTSD setting in like a ghost; we don’t see it or recognize it till it begins its damage.  Darkness knocks at the door.

About the Author:

Robert Bauer is a retired law enforcement officer that has answered a heart calling to advocate for and minister to those battling broken hearts and carrying wounded souls within the ranks of those who are wearing, have worn or are supporting as caregivers. Robert acts as a compass for those that are trying to navigate through lifes minefields of trauma, shame and guilt.

There is no greater pain than to have a wounded soul and the feeling of isolation. Robert is the founder of Warriors Heart USA a Christ centered organization that builds community offering compassion, radical hope and forgiveness in the Washington DC area.

If you are dealing with unexplained anger, sleepless nights, nightmares, the desire to just stay away from someone. Reach out to a trusted friend and mentor.

Robert is available to talk with your groups, your churches and to hold workshops. Pain shared is pain divided. Remember " a man's soul is worth fighting for"