In darkness even your shadow is not with you

Your shadow self is the sides of yourself that you keep hidden from most people. In essence it is often your truth of who you are. The reason this is being hidden is because it is painful to look at aspects in ourselves that we do not like or are ashamed of. This is a very big misconception. The cause of the shadow self is the false belief that we must be perfect and if we are not we are bad people and feel shameful. How can we feel ashamed by our shadow selves when they are all just a result of our life experiences?

As you begin your spiritual journey you will undoubtedly start to look at your shadow self. By practicing self awareness you can start to become aware of the shadow self and begin to journal about it. When you first start doing this you may feel some judgment or shame around it. In the past you may have denied the shadow or not paid attention to it. It likes to operate from the subconscious mind, which is the reactive mind.

The reason it is stored in the reactive, or subconscious mind is because something in your life has happened that caused you pain and your brain automatically stores painful memories in the subconscious mind so it can help you in the future by reacting. As you practice self awareness and start to notice where you are having strong reactions. It is in this noticing that great changes take place. Each time you remember a past painful memory, you move it from the subconscious, where it is constantly reacting, to the conscious, where things are much more understood and thought out.

In learning this little thing you can release your judgement and shame because now you understand that your life experiences are causing your reactions in your day to day life. All those outbursts and things that you do that you really want to change, but somehow fail to, that have caused you to be judgmental of yourself, were only happening because they were trying to prevent you from further pain. The subconscious mind store all of your painful life experiences and your subconscious mind is very quick to react to prevent further offenses.

Journaling daily and having gratitude for yourself for noticing areas that need improvement is the most powerful change you will ever make. When you notice, things move, they actually move to the conscious mind. Little by little you empty out that reactive subconscious and you become much more mindful and begin to love yourself in a whole new way. If you shine a light on the shadow self it will be understood as a necessary illusion of the ego mind. My shadow self has been looked at, turned every which way, upside down and inside out. I finally observed the truth that it only exists in my mind as a depository of errors in thought and actions. These have been seen for what they are — the hellish arm of the thought/emotion machine called the ego.

The fake shadow self can be absorbed, integrated and observed. It can be held for a moment and then released to go on its merry way. It is just like any thought or emotion. Welcome it and then let it go, It pretends to be me but it is the not-me. It is part of the “I” (ego self) not “me” (true self.) It cannot be pushed way or ignored, that only feeds it. Be the neutral observer and the shadow will vanished in the light of understanding. What is the Shadow Self? The shadow self lives in the subconscious. It is like a basement when we have put the emotional stuff that we can't handle as a child and the hurtful stuff that we don't want to face as an adult.

Just because we don't remember what we've put in the basement doesn't mean that it isn't affecting us. Carl Jung on the Shadow, the brilliant psychologist and researcher first coined the term the shadow. He writes, "When an inner situation is not made conscious it appears outside a fate." This is because we project out on to the world that which we push into the subconscious. Then we meet it in the world and can think it's fate. He goes on to write, " Anything unconscious dissolves when you shine the light of consciousness on it."

Over the last 25 years I have been developing a process to bring the shadow to light and the hurts of the past to love. I call it Pre-Cognitive Re-Education because the work needs to be done at the subconscious or precognitive level. It is re-education because the work reminds us of who we truly are underneath the shadow, where our Light is consistently bright. This is our Essential Self. This is certainly a deep-seeming subject, but is it? I have purposely not yet read the other, I am sure, pretty great answers, for the purpose of looking closely at what comes from myself. Where is light or, in other words, love, missing? Once we can shine our light of awareness and love upon all aspects of what we believe about ourselves, we then will live free of the pain the shadow.. ignored, denied.. devalued, did inflict upon our lives.

My shadow is the part of me that hides behind the objects I have placed in front of the..or my light, and I have allowed them to stay right there in front of,, my light creating a shadow (a place to put beliefs unseen or ignored, hated). The object blocking the light (our light of awareness or consciousness or love) can be any distraction, any procrastination, any person, fear of consequence or fear of losing love, fear of maybe hating yourself. My light-blocking objects are being afraid or avoidant, over-consumption of study, thought, contemplation, procrastination, self-sabotaging, codependency, empathy, helping others..and more even. There, behind all the distractions, are where painful beliefs, shame (mine and implanted), worthlessness, hate unexcepted, blame, unforgiveness, self-loathing, belief of doom, a belief of being unworthy, guilty..and more.. so much more.

The shadow is the unconscious beliefs we hold deep down.. about ourselves..hidden behind conscious distractions. The dwellers (things we don’t want to face or look at..admit) in the shadow are just like children who are locked up all day and ignored, some like the children of the corn, lol. They will disrupt your life to get your attention. They will take you from your show, your work, your sleep. They mess up your affairs, your home, your bank book. They scream and moan for your attention. Those ‘monsters’ lurking in the darkness I create are only beliefs…unswerving beliefs of fear. But if I hide them..they torture me until I let them out to be seen..heard..illuminated and released. They are there for a reason..so seeing them takes courage, I have that courage, I know why I seek them..so I am taking the objects away and shining the light right on them.

We have to look at ourselves, that is all.. we think it will hurt but love only elates and heals… the lack of love…or darkness, is what hurts. I..or we have to allow the deep-seeded damaging beliefs about ourselves which are surely controlling our lives to be ok that they are, they go back into darkness if they are judged as not there or not important enough. Pay attention to feelings and when and why..don’t stick them back down in the dark with a distraction. Self-abandonment makes the darkness grow darker, and the monsters within expanding. Once we allow ourselves to stop the distraction show and pay attention to what the darkened belief is..all we do not want is hit by light or awareness…and dissolved. There is no darkness within awareness.

When a thought comes into my mind that is uncomfortable.. we have to allow it. Recognize it as a thought and a clue to life-saving self-awareness. Give gratitude for the thought.. and it will go away. Instead.. we may deny we feel that way.. or avoid listening to ourselves.. those are the unloved apparent monsters that create our shadow self. I was impulsive and free, obstinate and untoward. You loved me and reveled me mutually..and I did not care. I was every person you wished you could be for 5 minutes and that you were ultimately grateful that you were not but..You wouldn’t have found a more devoted friend and you are still my friend and loved by me to this day. Who am I today? I am everyone that I ever was, just muted to a large degree.

The more we truly accept and see ourselves..the smaller and smaller the shadow becomes until all beliefs within us can live and flourish in the light. That is healing..the light…the truth…awareness. As the shadow self becomes lit..in your powerful light of consciousness or ..love, all unwanted and destructive beliefs will just vanish.. replaced naturally by love and its beliefs. I would like to add here.. what we feel, whether we give it attention or not.. determines our life experiences. I know the more beliefs we can shine the light of love upon.. our beliefs become those of beauty and abundance.. hope. Love and Light.. all is well within them.

His beauty is such that the very stars pause to gaze upon him. Nightmares follow at his heels like obedient puppies. Night herself bends to his will. He is mesmerizing and terrible, and my mind’s most horrifying monster. His name is Astor, and I’m so in love with him. His pride was the first thing that got to me, a decade ago. I decided that arrogance was the root of all evil. I barely remember what it was like, but I remember feeling like I was drowning in a pool of self-imposed modesty. I took no credit for my achievements, accepted no praise, and slowly lost my self-confidence. And he whispered to me, “I am a Prince. I am special. My subjects worship me.” And I told him that no one deserves to be worshipped and that all people are equal. And he laughed at me, as though the idea of universal equality were preposterous.

He requested that I build him a palace. And so, I did. I built him a beautiful palace of black stone, with gothic architecture, covered in gargoyles and chimeras and grotesques. It was in a beautiful, misty valley, inhabited by a small village of empty shades that had the potential to become people. Astor liked his palace. Whenever someone had the audacity to offend me, he would sit on his throne and shriek to his servants.

The dark expanse of his palace was a place for him to rage endlessly, expecting to be pampered and reminded that he was special. Sometimes he would strive through the streets of the tiny, decrepit town that would become the city of Night haven, and relish the veneration of the shades that would become his subjects. And on it went, the endless cycle of me getting offended and then either becoming a horrifying monster or regressing and acting like a spoiled child, until the dust settled.

I imagine that in his world, mothers warn their teenaged daughters not to go out after dark, because the Prince of Shadows would come for them on his dark wings and ravish them or suck out their souls. He would defile them with the knowledge of dark things, if nothing else. He was so beautiful, they wouldn’t be able to resist him when he came for them. He was an incubus. And that definitely isn’t surprising. He’s made me into a woman. His sweet whispers and soft touch and protective presence have kept me from feeling lonely for the last seven years. Most people’s monsters sleep under their beds; mine sleeps in my bed. He wraps me in his dark folds, and I feel safe. I fell in love with him.

Eventually, the little town became the city of Night haven, inhabited by Shadow-people who had lives of their own, and the palace became less a dumping place for awful emotions and more like Astor’s own personal playground of debauchery. He indulges in more hedonistic lusts than I care to imagine. At least he had “friends,” or a posse of lovers at any rate. He wasn’t alone within its walls anymore. And I thought everything was fine.

Then I discovered that the imaginary tyrant I’d fought against for most of my mid-teens, and projected onto every authority figure, with my ridiculous “I would rather die than obey you!” attitude… that imaginary tyrant was me. I was so obsessed with the preservation of my free will. That’s because it was me who wanted to subjugate others, to dominate and enslave, to rule a kingdom with an iron fist. Of course. It should have been so obvious. Inside of the idealistic freedom-fighter was an evil overlord. That’s who he had been this whole time, with his arrogance and decadence and lasciviousness. The Dark Lord.

And after I realized that, he whispered, “You know, my subjects have no real free will. They only have free will because I let them. Because you want them to. You could take it away, at any second. You could rip their lives from them and toy with them at your whim. Free will is an illusion.” So, even when I think he has nothing more he can throw at me, he pulls the rug out from under me and makes me question my entire existence. I still love him very much, and I’m usually at peace with him. He’s kinder now, and more mature. He tries to make me feel better instead of throwing a temper tantrum every time I get upset. Maybe one of these days, I’ll let him run wild and stop feeling guilty about my darker fantasies. There’s no reason to feel any guilt for sins I haven’t committed.

Which voice is worse? My Shadow, who indulges in all my vices, or my conscience, who tells me I’m a horrible person for having that part of myself? For more on Astor: Who whispers in the corridors of your mind? (Original version of the above answer) Sarah McLean's answer to Have you ever wanted to be or identify yourself with any of the characters you have created in your books? What character is it? And why? Shadow Work "To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light." --Carl G. Jung

David Richo, Ph.D., an excellent a psychotherapist, teacher, and writer also writes wonderfully about the Shadow Self in an article called Befriending the Shadow where he suggests befriending both the Positive personal shadow and the negative personal shadow. To do so, he says, we use the five A's (Acknowledge, Allow, Admit, Make amends and Become aware) which are all forms of sending love to our shadow self. By loving our shadow self instead of resisting or judging it, we incorporate that part of our self in a healthy way into our full self image.

One emerging way that people cast shadows is the shadow self they create on the Internet using social media. The images of ourselves that we create using selected information about ourselves on social media are shadows of our whole selves. We only share some information on social media — usually the information we think makes us look the best. I think I was a little too forthcoming about the complexity that is me. I’ve decided to cast a lighter shadow — a prettier and more publicly pleasing shadow. I can’t say exactly why, except that maybe I’m not as depressed as I had been. But it also has to do with it becoming a more public place, and I don’t want to make it so easy for people to jump to whatever conclusions they might jump to.

I tend to use social to talk about some of my unhappier experiences in life: depression, suicide, loneliness, unhappiness, feeling misunderstood, and all that. Some people appreciate it — mostly those that feel similarly. However, I think it leaves a lot of people cold and uninterested, since a lot of people want to have an impression of a happier person — someone they don’t have to expend much energy to be around. I’m not such a person. If you’re around me, it’s not going to be sweetness and light. I like to see things that I see and talk about them, even if they are not socially acceptable topics. I’m interested in what I’m interested in, and if people don’t like talking about that stuff, I will spend my time with people who are interested in it. So if you don’t like digging down into the psychological muck, go see someone else. I won’t be interesting to you.

Of course, a lot of people think shadow means the dark side of the self. Dark is just a label, though. I make no presumptions about things being dark or light, happy or sad, good or bad. In fact, I don’t like using judgmental terms as generalizations. I know what I like and what I don’t like. But that doesn’t mean anything for anyone else. I respect that other people like different things. If you don’t like me, that’s not something either of us need to spend time thinking about or apologizing for.

There are plenty of people in the world I can enjoy spending time with, people who enjoy thinking about what I enjoy thinking about. It’s not good or bad. It’s just a matter of preference. But my presence on social media and online is just a shadow of my real life self. There’s just no way I can express everything that I am in words. You have to experience me. The best way to do that is to make music with me, and have a meal with me, and talk about suicide with me. If that isn’t your cup of tea, no big deal. But if that sounds like a hoot, hit me up! Cheers!