The darkest part of a 7 years journey

This is the realest and most sincere letter I ever wrote this year. And it's with anxiety, uncertainty, and joy that I write it. So, if it makes it out, enjoy it and learn from it.

The content in this article is extracted from Full Steam & Hard Left #39.?A?weekly newsletter on Personal development based on real-life lessons.

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Hey there.

I had quite an eventful week. I hope yours was pretty fulfilling, too.

To provide some context to the words I described my feelings with in the description above;

Anxiety - What I’m about to share is something I have been cagey about in the past.

Uncertainty - I estimate that sharing it would be liberating for me, inspiring for you or both.

Joy - That I can bring myself to share this from a perception of gratitude to God is something I’m grateful for.

I convoked from Obafemi Awolowo University this past week, graduating from the Department of Electronic and Electrical Engineering, and despite living in fear, anxiety and terror of becoming what I thought was the worst thing I could ever become and doing everything I knew to do to prevent it, after 7 years (2017-2023) I still became that thing. But now my perspective on life has changed because of it, and I dare to say, for the better.

One would think the university is a place to acquire academic knowledge and become more prepared for life and a career upon graduation. But that perception is largely false. It’s so much more. From my experience, it’s a place to be broken and reborn. To find yourself and prepare for life. But only if you allow it.

Depending on the fire you go through, you will get shattered and tested, but with the right decisions, you will be remoulded.

I may sound philosophical, but this would all make sense in a bit.

I’m the last-born child of the Fakomi family. I may not have had skills or expertise in many areas, but in terms of academic success lol, I ruled effortlessly.

I can’t vividly remember my Primary school days; maybe they were not so great, but I thrived excellently through secondary school. Best in this, Best in that, Overall second in this and all that jazz.

I may not have been the best at sports or any social skills, but being academically excellent was my thing. My strong point.

Now, what happens if the central part of your life where you have always been assured to succeed despite your weaknesses in other areas falls apart right before your eyes, becoming a formidable weakness that shifts your perception of self-worth?

This happened in my first year at OAU. The first time, I came to experience what people in my generation would fondly call “Depression” firsthand.

Based on my history, always in the top two in the class in secondary school, 290 score in JAMB. The odds were sure. I was either leaving OAU with First-Class Honours or a stupid strong 2. 1 (Second Class Upper). But very quickly, in my 100 level (first year in Electronic and Electrical Engineering), what was so sure and clear began to look highly uncertain and unattainable.

I felt like a failure for real. For the first time in my life, I felt broken, and I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was depressed. And that lasted for a very, very long time.

One would think that after putting in crazy hours reading textbooks and notes, trying to understand what was taught so I could pass excellently like I always do, that success was guaranteed. Some of my coursemates even started to call me “Night Crawler” because I was always out late, reading.

Everything went to shit when I saw my first semester results, and what should have been the easiest semester in my entire university journey became a big blow to my CGPA, which I never truly recovered from. I finished my first year with a 2.2 (Second Class Lower). A whole top boy from secondary. A whole NightCrawler.

I cannot begin to explain how deep and dark this went for me, but for the purpose of this letter, here are a few indicators:

• I was in denial for most of it because it wasn’t aligned with who I was.
• I couldn’t talk to family or friends about it because I was ashamed.
• I began to doubt my intelligence.
• I panicked consistently.
• I started to compare myself to others.
• and on and on like that.

This wasn’t a pleasant phase of my life, and I honestly would not like to re-live it. I never fully came to terms with it, nor was I able to tell my family about it until months later when they asked me how I was doing academically, at which point I could not lie.

One of my fears at the time was that they would judge me and conclude that I had become wayward and lost focus. I was wrong.

What do you think went wrong?

How are you doing?

Don’t worry, you will be fine.

God would see you through.

Those were the words that characterised the conversations I had with my family. The people I thought would assume the worst of me.

It’s worth mentioning that telling my family lifted the burden of shame quite a bit, so it was easier to ask my coursemate what I was doing wrong, and I gradually started to learn that I could not be self-sufficient and that I was playing the game wrongly. But this didn’t save me from my own judgement and devaluation of self-worth. I was still the most critical of myself.

I later picked myself up and started defining my life by other metrics besides academic success. I started to view life from a much larger scope because I knew that if this wasn’t working as I had hoped, then there should be something else that I could be excellent at.

So, while I worked tirelessly with friends and the right network to ensure the Department of Electronic and Electrical Engineering did not consistently deal me massive blows, I started working on other areas of my life where I could succeed.

• I started selling eyewear (glasses) as I started to learn that academic success alone was insufficient in the real world. This is a conclusion I would not have come to if I had succeeded academically as I had predicted. At least, I like to think so.
• In my second year, I knew that I needed a skill. My Dad had already laid that foundation by making sure I picked up some hands-on skills before university, but it was time to embark on this journey alone.
• I struggled with placing enough relevance on skill acquisition because I did not want to fail in school, and I thought that by focusing on skills, I would be digging an academic grave for myself. But that changed as I gradually started to redefine what success for me was after school.

1. I will still graduate with a 2.1 (was what I was working towards)
2. I will be job market-ready. My grades would not define my ability to provide value and get paid for it.
3. I would face my other weaknesses and make them strengths.
4. I would be successful on my terms.
5. I would redefine my belief that “To succeed in life, you have to have First Class or Second class Upper.”

So now, how’s it going …

• I finished with a 2.2 (3.43, to be precise).
• I enjoyed my time in the department. I really did. I have plans to merge Electronics Engineering with Product Design. My degree would not be useless.
• I found a skill I loved and started to earn from it. So, I’m not defined by what I graduated with. I’m not going to be using it anytime soon. I mean, I have a career.
• I became more extroverted and gained people and leadership skills. Because I knew that the grade wasn’t enough, but it would have been nice to have.
• I redefined my belief of what success looked like and went for it.

I still get that feeling sometimes when I feel like

“Damn, if only I had done this or that earlier, I would be on a 2.1.”

And despite knowing I wouldn't need it to survive, I wanted it, and I worked for it until the last day in school.

One of my fears about graduating with a 2.2 was it would become a stigma for me or something. LOL. “Na Una sabi ooo”. I choose not to hide from it but to wear it with pride. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to do because I have imagined this being written in another form many times…

I was shit before, but I still graduated with a 2.1

That would have been a nice story to tell, but that’s not the story, and it’s totally fine because I’m still a bad guy.

“E pain me sha, but I’m not defined by it."

And although my grade may not come up in most places that matter to me, it won’t hurt my feelings if it ever does.

Now, I would like to introduce myself.

My name is Idowu Ola Fakomi, a Product Designer with half a decade experience in design and a proud graduate from the Department of Electronic and Electrical Engineering of Obafemi Awolowo University.

Cheers.

In summary

• The metrics and conditions to succeed change with the environment. Learn what those are as fast as possible, and don’t attempt to do it alone.
• Whatever happens in life can be turned around as a success story. It all depends on how you handle it. Never give up.

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