Dare to be Yourself

Authentic. Genuine. Traditional. Accurate. Convincing. Which word would you choose to describe how someone is being authentic? As my friend Matteo Rizzi says, “there is only one version of the truth.” So how do we find it?

I am embarking on a physical and digital journey of finding my authentic self, in hopes that it also reveals to me a better definition of “What is my identity?”.

There are photos of me online, on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram (it’s new, and here’s a shameful plug to follow me @biasmlopes), where I look perfectly happy. Edited. We all live in this world of “uploading the pretend” -- with filters, hashtags and captions of what we are wanting to portray… but, is any of this real? Seriously, we live in a world measured by likes, and chasing influencer status. What the hell happened to us all? Are we that afraid of being alone?

A couple weeks ago, I posted about the Fear of Success, how can I be fearing success of my new adventures but still look so happy and joyful on the outside. All the time… hey, don't get me wrong, I am really happy gal, smiley for no reason 99% of the time.

How many people do you know that truly fit the description of authentic?

In the world there are many means to “authenticating” something. There are professionals who dedicate their life to authenticating artwork, sports memorabilia, precious jewels, documents or other. But, what is the means to authenticate a human? We have no such method as there is for authenticating an original Monet painting when we look to authenticate the person standing next to us.

Most of us are often too caught up in our self-image (mostly thanks to the constant influx of social media), that we often over-inflate the amount of fun we have on weekends, or stretch the truth of the responsibilities we have in our jobs. A human’s sensitivity to what others think of them is standing in the way of a person’s ability to be authentic.

How Can We Influence Our "Influencing" to Change?

We can look at many different relationships that exist where authenticity plays a major role. Think about the relationship between a manager and their direct report. What if these two individuals, both struggling with their authenticity, are trying to engage in an effective relationship to better their careers and the company they work for? This can be seen as one of the largest impediments to successful relationships. Two individuals struggling with their own authenticity likely won’t experience a thriving relationship and therefore their work and professional growth will suffer. I've been there, trust me…

Radical Candor

Unlike my Instagram plug, this isn't a shameful plug for the Radical Candor book, but I truly believe it is the only way people can begin to find their authentic selves in the workplace. I like to think that I practiced radical candor with my teams before reading, but the book or me solidified the need for authenticity. A manager cannot successfully give feedback, or the other way around if both parties are pretending to be something they are not.

Innovation and the Pressure on CEOs of Emerging Tech Companies

Another interesting take on the authentic self can be seen in the CEOs of emerging technology companies. The CEO somehow has to pretend that they are like a future teller and tell a story about how their tech, their new way of doing things is the future because of some reason or another, whether or not they truly believe in it.

All eyes are on this CEO; they have to pitch, convince, and create a sense of safety that the user can trust and want to use their product.

If the CEO is an authentic self, they will appear comfortable and confident when speaking and pitching their product and its values or problem solving capabilities. But, does confidence naturally go hand in hand with being authentic? Or, are we all just pretending to believe in the CEO, assuming that they know what they are talking about?

Or, can we look to a CEO, and challenge his entrepreneurial and innovative spirit to validate their act of self-authenticity? Validating a CEO becomes an interesting task in this case. When someone is trying to sell you something, or sell you on an something it becomes difficult to look past their behaviours in attempting to create a false sense of authenticity.

This isn't to say that all CEOs are falsely projecting authenticity based on the confidence they portray, I’m just saying it becomes more difficult to determine the truth.

Finding yourself

I have done some research on tips for finding my own authenticity and in doing so came across a great lesson that I think is important to share with all of you…

“It’s the exceptional individual who seeks authenticity. Much of the problem lies in the fact that being genuine is devalued in our culture, while success, achievement, and avoiding criticism are highly prized. Our prevailing cultural imperative does little to value authenticity. This goal appears nowhere in the curricula of our education. If our primary education provided coursework that taught us how to achieve emotional intelligence and the skill set of genuine communication, we might realign our priorities accordingly. The competitive spirit honors the winners, not the most sincere. And within that motif there is a belief that being authentic may impede success. Yet one need not preclude the other. If you untether yourself from insecurity and fear, you can set the stage for a self-empowered life. Freeing yourself from the tribulations of worrying about what others think of you emboldens you to be genuine.” - Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W.

Be authentic. Try to find the real you. Or better yet, create your true you. It's the greatest gift you have to the world. Besides it's darn exhausting to pretend to be someone else. - me