The Dangers When Introverted Women Leaders Have too Much Empathy

Empathy is known to be the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and to get an understanding of what is going on for them and what their perspective is.

It is beneficial for understanding why people are the way that they are and why they act and behave the way that they do. ?Empathy is particularly beneficial in this current climate and what we have been through the past 3 years. It is needed in order to engage with your staff, better understand what they are going through and how to better support them.

As a leader, having this understanding means that you can take this understanding into consideration when making decisions, or making plans. For some people, empathy comes naturally, whereas for others, it does not. It is said that introverts have a heightened sensitivity to feelings, making them more likely to be empathetic. However, if empathy doesn’t come naturally to you, it is something that can be developed.

It requires self-awareness

Empathy requires being self-aware. Having the awareness to stop and consider what might be going on for other people. Open the door to their world and ask yourself questions that will enable you to self-reflect and gain a better understanding.

But can a leader be too empathetic? This is a topic that has come up a few times in coaching over the past few weeks. At what point does being empathetic become a problem?

When does it become a problem?

It can become a problem if you are disadvantaging other people as a result of being empathetic to one individual or group and making decisions that have an impact on others based on that. Being too empathetic can lead to you doing or agreeing to things that you would ordinarily not do. But because you ‘feel’ what the other person is feeling, you do whatever it is that they need to feel better about things.

It can be problematic if it affects the quality of the decisions or judgements that you make. Failing to have perspective on a situation and solely looking at things through the lens of those whom you are empathising with.

Too much empathy can lead to bias and treating one group of people or individuals more favourably than others. For example, you may find that you are clear about a decision, or action that needs to be taken, only for someone to give you their good reasons why it should be done differently. They may share the challenge that your way of doing things will have on them, and so you accommodate them without taking into consideration the perspective of other parties involved.

Research by Professor Paul Bloom of Yale University showed how empathy can distort judgement. He had two groups of people listen to a recording of a terminally ill boy describing the pain he was experiencing. ?In one group they were asked to empathise by identifying with the boy and feeling for him. In the other group, they were asked to be objective whilst listening and not get engaged emotionally.

When asked whether they would prioritise the boy for medical treatment, three-quarters of those in the empathetic group said they would move him up the waiting list for treatment. This went against the view of medical professionals and having been informed that it could put people whose illnesses were more serious than the boy at risk. Whereas, in the group who were asked to be objective, only one-third said that they would prioritise the boy and move him up the list for treatment. ??

If you are known for being too empathetic, you run the risk of being manipulated as people take advantage of the situation for their own personal gain. Their personal gain may not be beneficial for the greater good.

It can also be possible to take on too much of other people’s worries, concerns, and negative emotions that it becomes stressful for you. If this is not managed, it could eventually lead to burnout.

So, be empathetic, however, put boundaries in place and know where to draw the line. Know when to be compassionate as opposed to empathetic.

What has your experience been of leaders who are too empathetic? Let me know in the comments.

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If you want to be influential and impactful as a leader, how you manage yourself and your relationships is crucial. To do this effectively requires self-awareness. I believe that self-awareness is the key to opening the door to being a great leader.

In this episode I talk about the effects of a lack of self-awareness, how being self-aware benefits you, and share ways in which you can develop your self-awareness.

Additionally, it is the second anniversary of the Quietly Visible Podcast, and if you would like to apply to be a guest on the podcast, you can do so at bit.ly/QVPodcastInterview

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About Me

I am an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. Through my work I have helped 1000s of women across the globe to increase their confidence, influence and impact as leaders, and overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, improve speaking performance in meetings, get a promotion, and much more.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment?here .?

My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows you how to overcome them. It was listed as one of the 10 best self-development books written by women to read during lockdown by BeYourOwn. Get your copy from my website, and you also get access to module one of my online course UNLEASH Your Leadership Potential for Introverted Women where you will learn how to understand yourself better and how to stop letting imposter syndrome, a lack of confidence, and other self-limiting beliefs hold you back. Get your copy?and access to the module?here ?