The dangers of victimisation

In the last couple of decades, the workplace has become a lot safer and more intolerant to bad behavior such as discrimination, abuse, harassment etc. This is an on-going focus now in most companies. Much progress has been made, much progress is to come.?

Logically, when there’s a perpetrator, there’s a victim.?

Today, declaring yourself a victim is OK, people are encouraged to speak up. Victims are protected by processes, governance and the law. Well done us.

However, we all know that too much of a good thing is not always good! So while there has been an undeniable step in the right direction, I can’t fail to notice that victimisation is becoming a trend that is spreading through the corporate world like fire, and it has a high cost worth discussing, both for victims and others.?

What is victimisation?

Well… it’s when a person thinks that something negative that affects them is 100% someone else’s fault. When this person thinks that their part in the story is one-dimensional: To suffer.

By encouraging people to speak up when they’re a victim of some kind of misbehaviour at work, have we crossed to the other side of the mirror and made it appealing for people in the workplace to look for the wrongdoing of others and declare themself ‘innocent victims’??

My take is that, apart from extreme cases (we all know them and hope that they’ll become a thing of the past), it often takes two to tango.?

Let me give you a very basic example of victimisation:?

• John sent an important email to Martin about a project they’re working on
• Martin has not responded
• John waits, he feels ignored, his feelings are hurt
• John mentions to his boss that Martin is unresponsive and difficult to work with. John’s view is that the project stalling is Martin’s fault.?

John does not think about possible reasons why Martin did not respond to his email:?

• Is Martin working on something big and urgent that’s temporarily taking all his focus??
• Was John’s email unclear, too long, unstructured?
• Maybe Martin is sick with COVID!

What John could do, before declaring himself the victim of the story:?

• Check on Martin
• Organise a quick meeting with Martin about the email and the project
• Ask Martin if he needs more info in order to respond
• Chase Martin, with a clear ask and a firm deadline.?

Why is victimisation dangerous?

Victimisation is becoming increasingly common. I hear more and more of it through my work coaching leaders. I think this way of thinking (seeing yourself as an eternal victim can become a default-setting) is dangerous in the workplace due to 4 things victims tend to do:?

1. Victims stop feeling: They become un-empathetic. Being a victim often means you’re focusing on your own suffering. In no time, you could convince yourself that you're the only one who suffers, or the one who suffers the most. Such a conclusion stops people from feeling empathetic towards others who (they think) “do not suffer as much as I do”. The problem is that when people think they’re experiencing the most suffering, they become oblivious to others’ experiences and feelings.?
2. Victims stop learning: They are perfect. This leads to a lack of reflection and self-analysis. While there are of course cases where the victim is 100% a victim, many instances demonstrate a share of responsibilities. In the case of John/Martin, there’s a myriad of things John could do because concluding that he’s a victim of Martin. If John thinks he’s 100% the victim of the story, he’s unlikely to look at his own responsibility and to think about how a different approach could have brought a different outcome.
3. Victims stop doing: They don't have to fix the problem. Victims are busy licking their wounds. No one’s going to ask them to clean up the mess. So by declaring yourself a victim, what you’re also saying is “It’s the other person’s role to fix all this, I am waiting”. We all know that the world does not work like that. Very often, victims must take part in the fixing, it’s therapeutic and it ensures their version of the story is heard. Most victims have a role to pay in the re-establishment of order. Victimisation de-empowers the victim.?
4. Victims are lonely: They become untouchable. Once labelled a victim, a person can be perceived as a liability by others. Others can be scared of a victim, thinking that they are at risk of being accused by this person next time something goes wrong as the victim’s ways are now the victim’s default setting. No one wants to be in the role of the perpetrator, so when they spot a recurrent victim, they tend to run in the other direction! Victimisation pushes people to tip-toe around the victim and could in time become completely isolating.?

So you have it, the explosive mix of victimisation:?

• “I suffer the most, I don’t need to concern myself with anyone else’s feelings”
• “It’s not my fault. There’s no learning here for me”
• “I am not responsible for fixing any of it. Finger pointing is my only contribution”
• “Being a victim becomes my default setting, in time it isolates me”.?

I help leaders overcome victimisation by accepting that feeling solely like a victim is de-empowering. Empowerment comes from accountability and responsibility.?I also help managers deal with people in their team who start to show signs of automatic? victimisation. I help them stop the trend from spreading throughout their entire team so the victim can receive the right amount of support in their development.?

By (rightfully!) paying more attention to victims and protecting them, there’s a risk we cross the threshold and call upon ourselves the era of victimisation. While our noble intention is to defend the weaker party, we should be careful not to create an environment where portraying oneself as a victim becomes a way to get the upper hand and a reason to stop learning, doing, belonging or feeling.

How can leaders balance protecting colleagues, and letting a negative mindset settle?

Share your thoughts and experiences dealing with people in the workplace who see themselves as eternal victims. How do you support them? Or maybe you've been in this situation yourself. How did you make the shift, regain empowerment and re-create trust?