The Dangers of Connected Loneliness

I spent Canadian Thanksgiving alone this year.

I was working on assignments in my room, with no turkey or companions in sight.

I respond to Facebook messages, scroll through my Instagram feed, and like LinkedIn posts and articles.

I felt an extreme pang of loneliness, and then it hit me:

What am I doing with my life?

Because I was not accepted to the University of Toronto's MD Program, I was forced to re-evaluate what I will be doing for the upcoming academic year as well as my ultimate career trajectory. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to participate in the 2017 IRIC Next Generation Awards program this summer because it felt like an extended workcation: I was able to immerse myself in the field of G-protein-coupled receptors (GPCRs), learn novel wet lab techniques, make new friends from all over Canada, and tour multiple places in the city to boot.

This past July, I was recruited by two labs for the MSc in Systems Biology program via the 2017 IRIC Student Recruitment Event. However, I had already received an acceptance from the Biomedical Discovery and Commercialization (BDC) program for the one-year course-based Master program back in March. Thus, I had a difficult decision to make: remain at McMaster in the same program as my third and fourth years of undergraduate studies, or embark on a new adventure at IRIC. After thoroughly weighing the pros and cons of each program, I ultimately decided to stay in Montréal as a calculated risk, and I can only hope it pays off in the end.

All that being said, I will be the first to admit that I am feeling lonely. Even though I am only six hours away in the same country, this was the first time that I moved to a brand new city by myself. Plus, I had no choice but to resurrect my broken French after lying comatose since Grade 10! Because the majority of the new friends I made over the summer were other English-speaking interns, my small network of contacts in Montréal has shrunk even further. I am now attempting to build my network here through the scientific community of IRIC, other professionals in the area via LinkedIn, and plain old serendipity. Despite my current circumstances, I still travel home from time to time if I have any conferences or other events to attend in the Greater Toronto Area, which gives me ample opportunity to visit family and friends.

While growing up, I only experienced one significant move when my family relocated to Hong Kong after spending the first couple years of my life in Mississauga. Following my return to Canada when I was five, I was privileged to have stable living arrangements throughout my childhood and adolescence. It was only when I finished high school that I moved away from my home in Mississauga to Hamilton for my undergraduate studies. Even then, I still frequented home while attending McMaster as the bus ride was merely 45 minutes long.

My plight is not unique, as my anecdote is trivial compared to the stories of millions upon millions of immigrants who settled in various countries worldwide, including my own parents. Descriptions of uprooting their previous life, seeking better opportunities, fleeing persecution, providing their children with a brighter future, and selfless sacrifice populate these narratives. Even with regular communication with loved ones back home via phone, Skype, FaceTime, and the like, they may be prone to loneliness in their new, unfamiliar environment. I have seen this firsthand, as I have encountered many international graduate students during my tenure in past and present research labs.

I now better understand and empathize with those who make a major move in their lives.

I intentionally inserted an oxymoron in the title of this article because I feel that we are simultaneously connected and lonely, and this problem will only worsen if we do not take preventive measures today. With the advent of telecommuting and rise in popularity of flexible work schedules, this means that we can theoretically work from anywhere at anytime. However, we can observe that work is ever encroaching our personal lives due to the underlying assumption that we are always available with our devices and Wi-Fi. In the past, when one clocks out of the office and physically removes themselves from the workplace, that usually signals the end of all work-related activities for the day. Nowadays, managers may be inclined to pile on additional tasks or projects, expecting employees to get the job done whenever they have extra time, which generally signifies evenings or weekends. What many do not realize is that they are exacerbating the loneliness epidemic, and this increase in social isolation is taking a toll on our mental health.

Here are three ways I believe that we can maintain genuine human connections and reduce loneliness, even when people seem to be glued to their devices:

1. Engage in non-work banter and water cooler conversation, and not only on Slack. In-person chats about favourite pastimes and cool ideas are a good way to de-stress from the pressures of work, especially by physically removing yourself from your desk. Nevertheless, there are three things that one ought to avoid during this time: 1) complaining about work, 2) gossiping about others, and 3) discussing emotionally-charged topics like politics or religion. Doing so will more often than not degrade once meaningful conversations into a cesspool of vitriol. I must add that camaraderie at the workplace is vital to fostering a positive and productive organizational culture. It is easier to strike up these types of conversations with friends than with mere acquaintances or strangers. Nothing is worse than trying to make small talk with the latter; awkward silence usually punctuates what little discussion actually occurs.
2. Attend or organize a local LinkedIn Meetup. These events are a fantastic way to meet many of your virtual connections in person and forge new relationships with others within and outside of your industry. I am sure that you have come across an invitation to a Meetup in your LinkedIn feed, anywhere from New York City to Sydney. Go to one in your city with a group of peers! If no Meetups exist in your area yet, find some trusted colleagues to plan one. Personally, I will be attending the first-ever Toronto LinkedIn Meetup, where there will be two panels on LinkedIn and blockchain - two innovations I believe have a bright future ahead of them! A Montréal one is currently in the works as well.
3. Deliberately schedule in time to spend with family and friends. As the cult of busyness continues to engulf our lives, it is imperative that we do not forsake our relationships with our loved ones. At the very least, I would encourage you to have a delicious family feast during holiday celebrations (e.g. Christmas, Passover, Lunar New Year) and go out with your friends once in a while to do something active (e.g. cycling, bowling, skiing). Nothing beats quality time with those closest to you. Cherish and love them as if it is your last day alive.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how can we combat the loneliness epidemic; please share them below!

This article is my contribution to both the #LetsGetHonest campaign and #StudentVoices community.