Dangerous Old Women.

W.O.W The World of Women. Victoria Sarne

Dangerous Old Women: The Best is Yet to Come

A disclaimer up front for which I make no apologies - I am writing intentionally from my own bias as a much older woman and I am hoping that scattered amongst my words in future columns I will have the wisdom of other women’s voices to share. To quote a poem by Rudyard Kipling “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be; the last of life for which the first was made. See all nor be afraid”.

To be called fierce, or dangerous are not pejorative terms to me, they simply mean I have the will and energy to continue living a productive life. Unfortunately it is still necessary to dispel the irrational social construct that we have outlived our usefulness once childbearing is done or looks have faded and we are assigned to a role that means being “less than” knowing that this dismissive illogic is not applied in quite the same way to men.? Knowledge is wisdom and we have acquired it with all the multi-faceted aspects which make up the kaleidoscope of our lives. These years tell us that we have the power not only to nurture and provide in our traditional roles, but if we want, to take our place where important decision-making is made. Over the decades, too many impediments have been put in our way - a deliberate scattering of nails in the road designed to shred tyres and we have allowed ourselves to be shredded, figuratively speaking, for far too long and in too many cases.

Dangerous? I’m not sure what that means to others but to me it is to explain that with the years, we arrive at a kind of “no-holds-barred’ way of expressing ourselves. Because, with accrued loves and losses, triumphs and disasters or giving away too much and losing our boundaries in misguided attempts at peacemaking, we finally accept that chronologically time is running out. If we want to seize that time for ourselves, for our own singular purpose in life, we have learned and earned the right to be exactly who are meant to be; to take our place, to take up space that we may have been squeezed out of far too frequently.

We no longer want to ask nicely to be included because it hasn’t been consistently or sufficiently effective.? Why should we have to ask at all in a just society? We relinquish? our power far too often, follow the dictates of a male-dominated hierarchical society; the status quo. Why? Because it seems to take a very long time for many of us to realise that in the big, wide world of life or commerce, it’s a power game. And humans, just like in the animal kingdom, rarely relinquish power voluntarily. It has to be taken. And I mean by firmly asserting our right to exist expecting equal treatment without resorting to violence. As women, we have mostly never learned how to play the game or we misguidedly assume that it somehow detracts from our femaleness to be fierce in going after what we want or should have. Yet if we look back in history female warriors and leaders abound although most of us have probably never heard of? them unless we studied ancient and modern history in school. Even then, safely put in “our place”.

Although written in a different context by Karen Blixen the author of “Out of Africa”, this quote is still relevant. She was a very independent, purposeful woman who also had a great love affair in her life. The attitude she describes resonates with me; the expectation that our needs or desires whatever they are, will be secondary and we are “real women” only if we are compliant. She said “It’s an odd feeling, farewell. There is an envy in it. Men go off to be tested, for courage. And if we’re tested at all, it’s for patience, for doing without, for how well we can endure loneliness.”?When younger I visualised myself in later years with a silver knobbed walking stick.? I haven’t yet acquired one, but metaphorically it could come in handy for those who use and/or abuse us; even be of use should we occasionally need something to lean on when weary; alternatively, act as a deterrent to those who would interfere with our forward progress.

Victoria Sarne