The dangerous habit leaders need to break: Answering ‘fine’
Corrinne Armour CSP
Keynote Speaker | Trainer | Author of ‘Leaders Who Ask’ & ‘Developing Direct Reports’ | Coach | Fearless Leadership? - the courageous shift to engage in essential conversations that build trust and move us forward
How often do you ask ‘How are you?’ only to hear the same robotic answer: ‘Fine’?
Is that the connection you want as a leader?
No!!! Lame. Limp. Lazy. Possibly even lying! Because let’s be honest—you’re probably not fine.
When we respond to the simple question ‘How are you today?’ with ‘fine’, here’s what we’re really doing:
As leaders, we expect emotional intelligence from our teams. We ask them to tune into their emotions and regulate them. But when ‘fine’ is our default, what kind of example are we setting?
There’s a lot of buzz around vulnerability in leadership, and for good reason. Vulnerability builds trust, connection, and shows our humanity. If you’re feeling stressed, excited, anxious, or eager—why not say so? ‘Fine’ shuts the door on connection and leaves no room for meaningful interaction.
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‘Fine’ can be interpreted as shorthand for “I haven’t got time for this—or you—today.” And just like that, an opportunity for a genuine human connection is lost.
So, how are you really feeling today?
If you’re stuck for words, Brené Brown’s brilliant book Atlas of the Heart describes 87 human emotions and experiences. Spoiler alert: fine isn’t one of them. Read the book or download the free PDF summary from her website to get started on broadening your emotional vocabulary. It’s a small change that can make a big difference in your leadership (and possibly your life!).
As for me, thanks for asking… The sun is shining as I write this, and I’m feeling optimistic and creative.
Fearless Leadership isn’t just about guiding others—it starts with leading yourself. Next time you’re asked ‘How are you?’, take a risk. Reveal yourself. Show your team that you value being real, because leadership thrives on trust and connection.
Go Fearlessly - Corrinne
Stability before Agility | Embodied Leadership | Author, Speaker, Facilitator & Certified Coach
1 个月Did you know that The NZ Mental Health Foundation commissioned a study and found that on avg we say “I'm fine” 14 times a week, but we only mean it 19% of the time? We’ve been conditioned to suppress our emotions and hide our needs. For years, it’s been the norm to use catchphrase like “She’ll be right”, “Harden up”, Keep calm and carry on”—while at the same time expecting emotional intelligence. Brene’s book is great. So is Marc Brackett’s app called “How we feel”. But we also need safe spaces and permission to truly express how we feel… that’s the bigger challenge I reckon Corrinne Armour CSP!
The Resilience Warrior | Keynote Speaker | Author | Trainer & Assessor | Aircraft Maintenance Engineer
1 个月Great insights Corrinne, I think OK is another word that needs to be abandoned. Another way I like to think of these shut down responses, is us actually disrespecting ourselves, by not voicing our truth, where not really honoring ourselves, who we are or how were feeling. Ultimately we need to be able to show yourself the love and respect we deserve, before we can actually show it to others.