Dangerous assumptions.
One of my better friends is a person who gets very, very "hangry." I know this because I know her, and learned this about her when she came to work with our company and we shared an office. I began to notice that whenever she skipped lunch, she would lash out at people uncharacteristically all afternoon. (Which was a lot of the time because we worked in a busy office and skipped a lot of lunches.) Coworkers just called her bi-polar behind her back or thought she was just a nasty, two-faced gal, but I knew better and after I saw how people treated her who made assumptions, I started stashing snack foods to help get through the crazy times. She didn't even realize most of the time when her hunger would start affecting her. After she began snacking throughout the day, people began to think she was nicer and wondered what had happened. She didn't explain. We got a good laugh out of it-people making dangerous assumptions.
I have another extremely good friend who I realize is deathly afraid of physical intimacy. Pretty sure if he ever let his guard down he might cry in relief for a hundred years. Everyone he has ever dated thinks he is a player or a cheater or a narcissist or emotionally unavailable-they all make these dangerous assumptions. I try to encourage him not to take these views onto himself. He has just been cut too deeply and can't go there. I get it, because I know him. And it's okay. That's who he is.
Sometimes people don't want you to know and understand them, for their own good reasons. I try to listen to what people say and don't say. Because I really care about people. Not because they can do something for me, but because I really am interested in how other people feel and think. I can empathize because I am also not any where near perfect.
I worked for a boss once who thought she had everybody figured out. Except me. She couldn't quite fit me in any kind of behaviors box, so she figured I was either a liar, a thief, two-faced or something worse. She asked me all the time what my problem was, because she didn't recognize that I have an authentically caring personality, and she couldn't get her head around it. I was somehow threatening enough for her to actually deny me time off when my three year old child was in the hospital. Thought I was trying to take advantage of time off. Then karma put her in the hospital with the same illness as my child, and you will never guess who she reached out to for sympathy. And I was empathetic. Couldn't help it. I understood how she felt.
Sometimes it isn't always in my best interest, depending on the situation, to be so empathetic, but if I go through life only concerned with my own interests...and besides, nobody's communication style is going to be relevant all the time.
People communicate in as many different ways as there are people and so no two communication styles are going to be identical. You can try to train people to act a certain way, and try to get them to change their personality, but where then, is diversity? I'm pretty sure excellent communication skills include being kind and sincere and understanding and considerate. You don't have to be guarded and controlling to get your way with someone. Sometimes the point is to understand someone else's point first. Assumptions can be very dangerous.
Do we ever really know for sure what someone else thinks, anyway? I hear all the time that actions speak louder than words, but if the behavior is all we care about, what kind of person does that make you and me? I'd much rather a person act out of understanding, than fear. If I ever cause anyone to act out of fear, I would give myself a giant fail.