The Danger of Undermining Your Peers—Including Your Boss

Workplace dynamics can be tricky. When disagreements arise, it’s natural to feel frustrated or even tempted to voice your concerns in ways that might cast others—your peers, or even your boss—in a negative light. But there’s a fine line between offering constructive criticism and undermining someone’s credibility. Crossing that line doesn’t just hurt the person being undermined; it can damage your own reputation, erode trust, and disrupt the team’s morale.

Undermining, whether intentional or unintentional, can take many forms: subtle comments that discredit someone’s ideas, bypassing your boss’s authority, or sharing grievances with others instead of addressing them directly. While it might feel like you’re advocating for better outcomes, it often leads to unintended consequences that ripple through the workplace.

Let’s explore why undermining is so dangerous, the long-term impact it can have on your career, and healthier ways to handle conflicts or disagreements.

Why Undermining Is Dangerous

1. It Erodes Trust

Trust is the foundation of any successful team. When you undermine someone—whether it’s a peer or a leader—you chip away at the trust between you and that person, as well as the trust others have in you. People may start to question your motives, wondering if you’ll do the same to them.

Example: If you openly criticize your boss’s decisions in a meeting without offering constructive alternatives, team members may see you as someone who prioritizes personal grievances over collaboration.

2. It Creates a Toxic Work Environment

When undermining becomes a pattern, it can foster a culture of distrust and division within the team. Instead of focusing on collective goals, team members become preoccupied with protecting themselves or navigating conflicts. This toxicity can lead to decreased productivity and morale.

Example: If you consistently bypass a colleague to go directly to their manager with concerns, it creates resentment and makes others wary of working with you.

3. It Damages Your Reputation

Even if your intentions are good, undermining behavior often backfires. People may see you as someone who lacks professionalism or respect for others. This perception can follow you throughout your career.

Example: If you publicly contradict your boss’s decisions without discussing your concerns privately first, you risk being seen as insubordinate or untrustworthy, which can hurt your chances of promotion or leadership opportunities.

4. It Undermines Team Goals

A team’s success depends on collaboration and alignment. When you undermine a peer or leader, it creates fractures in the team’s unity, making it harder to achieve shared objectives. Instead of solving problems, you create new ones.

Example: If you criticize a peer’s project plan in front of stakeholders without discussing your concerns internally, it undermines the team’s credibility and can stall progress.

Why It’s Tempting to Undermine Others

Understanding why we sometimes fall into this behavior can help us avoid it. Common reasons include:

• Frustration: You disagree with someone’s decisions or feel they’re not pulling their weight.
• Lack of Confidence: Sometimes, we undermine others to make ourselves look better.
• Perceived Injustice: You believe your contributions are undervalued, or someone else is getting undue credit.
• Conflict Avoidance: It can feel easier to vent frustrations to others rather than address the issue directly.

While these feelings are valid, acting on them in a way that undermines others often creates bigger problems.

How to Avoid Undermining Behavior

1. Address Issues Directly and Constructively

If you have concerns about a peer or your boss, address them privately and constructively. Focus on the issue, not the person.

Example: Instead of saying, “Your plan won’t work,” try: “I see some challenges with the plan—can we discuss how to address them?”

2. Seek to Understand Before Criticizing

Sometimes, undermining stems from misunderstanding someone’s perspective or rationale. Take the time to ask questions and understand their decisions before jumping to conclusions.

Example: “Can you walk me through your thought process for this decision? I want to make sure I fully understand it before sharing my thoughts.”

3. Offer Solutions, Not Just Criticism

Constructive feedback is much more valuable when it’s paired with actionable solutions. Instead of pointing out what’s wrong, focus on how to improve it.

Example: Instead of saying, “This process is inefficient,” try: “I think we can save time by automating this step—what do you think?”

4. Respect Hierarchies and Processes

Even if you disagree with your boss, respect their position and the chain of command. This doesn’t mean blindly agreeing with everything, but it does mean addressing concerns in a respectful and appropriate way.

Example: Rather than bypassing your boss to escalate an issue, discuss your concerns with them first: “I have some concerns about how we’re handling X. Can we set up a time to discuss it in detail?”

5. Vent in the Right Place

We all need to vent sometimes, but be mindful of where and how you do it. Avoid complaining about peers or leaders in public or to mutual colleagues. Instead, confide in a trusted mentor or coach who can help you process your frustrations constructively.

What to Do If You’ve Already Undermined Someone

No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. If you realize you’ve undermined someone, it’s important to take steps to repair the relationship and rebuild trust.

1. Acknowledge Your Behavior

Take ownership of your actions and apologize if necessary. This shows maturity and a willingness to learn.

Example: “I realize my comments during the meeting might have come across as undermining. That wasn’t my intention, and I apologize if it caused any frustration.”

2. Clarify Your Intentions

Sometimes, people misinterpret your actions as undermining even if that wasn’t your goal. Be clear about your intentions and reinforce your commitment to collaboration.

Example: “I value your expertise and want to make sure we’re aligned moving forward. Let’s figure out the best way to approach this together.”

3. Rebuild Trust

Consistency is key to rebuilding trust. Show through your actions that you’re committed to supporting your peers and leaders, even when you disagree.

Conclusion: Collaboration Over Competition

Undermining peers or your boss might feel like a quick way to resolve frustration or push your agenda, but it’s rarely worth the long-term consequences. Instead, focus on fostering trust, collaboration, and constructive dialogue. By addressing issues respectfully and seeking solutions rather than blame, you’ll not only strengthen your professional relationships but also contribute to a healthier, more productive workplace.

In the end, true leadership isn’t about tearing others down—it’s about lifting everyone up, even when disagreements arise.

Do you want to become a better leader? Check out my book, Lead form Any Seat.