The danger of "Should" and how language affects learners.

I find child psychology fascinating (though I am by no means an expert), with one aspect that particularly intrigues me being the effect of adults' language on children. In this article, I aim to highlight key phrases and comments I've encountered during my years of teaching and share some suggestions on how to support your students better.

While all intentions are good, the impact language has on students is remarkable.

"You 'should' know this..."

Consider this: during your induction day at any new school, you're taught how to use all school platforms, take attendance, send emails, write unit plans, set assignments—everything you might need. Since you're instructed on these tasks, it's assumed you "should" know how to do them.

But do you remember them all?

Then why do we expect children in front of us to do the same when they learned it in grade 6 and are now in grade 8...?

We need to offer our students more flexibility, understanding that while they might have seen this once before, they might have forgotten. Now, it becomes a focus for recap and revision. Teaching students to identify what they need to practice becomes almost more important than the content itself, especially if the new content requires prior knowledge.

"You have to meet them where they are."

These wise words of advice from Lucinda Willis resonate deeply, whether we're discussing curriculum design, pastoral support, or leadership. We can't expect people to simply rise to where we are when our life and career experiences are so diverse. It reminds me of our discussions about deadlines—I've been frustrated when some of my team miss a deadline, yet do I meet every deadline? No, I don't. I'm human, and occasionally things come up that need managing. So telling someone they "should know these things" or they "should have them done" will only hinder reflection and growth further.

"I'm an engineer; maths runs in the family."

Unlike hair color or height, maths skills aren't hereditary. They're not genetically determined, so even if your parents are math wizards, it doesn't automatically follow suit. Being "amazing" at math—what does that even mean? Is it about problem-solving, memorization, or quick mental math? I understand every parent wants what's best for their child, but this mindset creates unnecessary pressure.

Students "should be learning times tables" or they "should be doing spelling tests" (something Kevin M. Holder M.A. NPQLT encounters in English). But where do these expectations come from, and why do we think they "should happen"?

Here are some key strategies to address the overuse of "should":

• An easy one: adjust your phrasing with students. "I hope you might have remembered this" or "Hopefully, you remember some of these skills, but don't worry if not." This puts the student's mind at ease. After all, why would they seek help from a teacher if they believe the teacher thinks they "should" already know it?
• Work with parents. While I understand this can be challenging, and you won't win them all over, simply sending an email acknowledging a student's achievements, promoting positive reflection, and explicitly expressing care about progress and development can make a difference. I recently had a parent meeting where I asked a father to reflect on his own math learning journey. He said, "Oh well, my dad had a PhD in math, and then I failed it all. We're all bad at math. He should just study more." This prompted questions like "How did growing up with a PhD dad affect your confidence?" or "How do you think your child feels when you say he should know this?" Emotions have memories, and sometimes they need support too!
• Team observations. Enlist a colleague or a trusted team member to observe you and note how many times you imply to students that they should know something. Pay attention to the students' body language and how many of them ask questions once you use those phrases. You'll be surprised by how it affects the students!

Most importantly, coach the students to understand that it's about the journey of learning and that mistakes are perhaps even more important than correct answers. Helping students become more confident in tackling challenges and understanding that expecting to know everything is unrealistic. While they've encountered many concepts before, they shouldn't feel pressured to know everything.

Finally, I ask that you take a moment to notice the language you use around students regarding expectations and confidence. Telling someone they should know something will never make them suddenly understand. We don't enjoy hearing it, so consider how your students might perceive it.

Keep doing your best, I know your students and team appreciate it!

As always, I welcome your feedback on this topic!

Have a wonderful day!

Whitney Edmondson

April 30th, 2024