The Danger of Real Time Feedback

How good are?you at giving meaningful, constructive, thoughtful feedback on the spot? I mean, really good.

I thought so.

I ask this question a lot—usually in front of big rooms with lots of people—and I’m lucky if one, maybe two, raise their (virtual or IRL) hands.??I’ve never, in over a decade of leading workshops on the topic, come close to even 5% of participants self-identifying as being good at giving feedback on the spot (myself included).

Everyone tells us that feedback is better real-time, apps and research extoll the virtues of making sure we’re having these conversation right now, in the moment, before it’s too late. But the problem is that none of us are good at giving it like that.???

And for good reason.??Giving meaningful, actionable, thoughtful feedback on the spot takes skill, empathy, practice, and composure.?How are we supposed to summon all of that on a moment’s notice, without having time to think about how to organize our thoughts and deliver an effective message?

* * * * *?

The truth is this:?the only thing real-time feedback gets you is a “Good job!”??A well-intentioned (sometimes), lazy (often), inaccurate (too often) “Good job!”

Case in point: you walk out of a meeting and ask your colleague: “Hey Armon, how did that go?” And Armon gives you a thumbs up: “Good job, great meeting.”??Or, you send an important proposal out and ask your boss Sonia, after the fact, what she thought of the document.???“It looked great, thanks for sending.”

An in the moment “Good job!” is ubiquitous, and also dangerous.?First off, it’s an easy out—it doesn’t require any work on anyone’s part. It’s a default response too many of us respond with without any thought.?Second—it’s the social norm. ?The ultra-competitive workplace has long since been replaced with a collaborative environment—which is a good thing.?But if we favor being “nice” over being honest, then we’re in trouble.?People are (un)surprisingly polite when it comes to giving feedback in the moment.?No one really wants to be a jerk.

* * * * *

But what if the meeting didn’t go well???What if that proposal was rife with inconsistencies or missing information??Where’s the value in the “Good job!” then?

The singular goal of feedback is this: to make you better at your job.?Period, end of story.?It’s not there to make you feel good about yourself, or bad about yourself. It’s there to help you grow, learn, excel, challenge yourself, exceed expectations, succeed.

Too many of us have sailed through the year, hearing “Great job!” too many times to count, only to land in a performance review time at year-end to find out, oops, sorry, we’re not actually getting promoted, or getting a raise, or leveling-up as we had hoped.?

If you really want to know how you’re doing, if you genuinely care about continuous improvement, if you’re committed to bettering yourself and upping your game—then you’ll opt out of the Real Time Feedback game.

Instead, plant a seed in advance and tell your manager you’d love to get some feedback going forward. ??Ask him or her if she’d be willing to give you some feedback in a few weeks, after you’ve worked on a project for a while, or delivered an initial proposal for her review.?Then own the process—ask to schedule a time on her calendar, and come prepared with specific questions / topics you’d like to get feedback on.?Make it easy for your manager to give you thoughtful feedback on what you’re doing well and where and how you can improve.?That’s what this conversation is all about.

* * * * * * *

Got a story for me? I'd love to hear from you-- when did a feedback conversation go off the rails? Have you received too many "Great jobs!" which led nowhere? Or have you found yourself responding in the moment that way, because you couldn't think of anything else to say. Let me know HERE

?

?