The Danger of Misconceptions: What I Learned from a Hard Conversation

My wife and I have been together for nearly 30 years, 21 of them married. That’s a long time to know someone. You’d think by now, we’d have each other entirely figured out, that there would be no surprises, no misunderstandings, no gaps in communication. And yet, just the other day, we proved that even after decades together, it’s still entirely possible to misread each other in ways that matter.

We recently had a hard conversation. You know, one of those discussions that sticks with you, that lingers in the back of your mind even after you’ve stopped talking? I withdrew to process it on my own, which is my usual way of handling things. But while I was sitting with my thoughts, something unexpected crept in: frustration. I found myself wishing my wife would engage with me more, talk to me about what we had discussed, show me that she cared. But she didn’t—at least, not in the way I had imagined she should.

And that’s when the little voice in my head started whispering: Maybe she doesn’t care as much as I do.

Turns out, that was dead wrong.

When we finally talked, like really talked, openly and candidly, I learned that she had been holding back for a completely different reason. It wasn’t that she didn’t care; it was that she was afraid that engaging too much, saying the wrong thing, would make things worse. In her mind, staying quiet was a way of preserving the conversation and preventing further upset.

So, while I had been sitting there believing she didn’t care, she had been sitting there believing that if she spoke up, I’d be upset. Neither of us was right, but because we hadn’t communicated, we both filled in the blanks with our own (incorrect) assumptions.

That realization hit me harder than I expected. It’s one thing to recognize miscommunication in passing; it’s another to see, in real time, how deeply false beliefs can shape our perceptions, even with someone we’ve loved for decades.

Misconceptions in Business and Life

As I sat with this revelation, it occurred to me how often this same dynamic plays out in other areas of life, particularly in business.

In real estate, I see it all the time. A seller believes a buyer is lowballing them because they don’t value the home, when in reality, the buyer may just be stretching their budget as far as it can go. A buyer thinks a seller is being unreasonable on price, not realizing the seller is emotionally attached to the home and sees every offer through that lens.

The problem isn’t just the miscommunication itself, it’s the meaning we attach to it. In relationships, whether personal or professional, we fill in the gaps with our own narratives, and more often than not, those narratives aren’t rooted in truth.

Learning to Clear the Air

So what do we do about it?

If there’s anything this experience reinforced for me, it’s that direct and candid communication is the only way to combat the assumptions that creep in when silence fills the space between us. It’s easy to assume, to let frustration build based on a story we’ve told ourselves, but more often than not, the truth is far less dramatic than the version we’ve created in our heads.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is simply ask. Clarify. Engage.

And if you’re someone like me, someone who's prone to overthinking, sometimes quick to assume, occasionally guilty of withdrawing, then maybe the next time frustration starts bubbling up, it’s worth considering whether you’re seeing the situation as it is or as you fear it might be.

Because if decades with my wife have taught me anything, it’s that even the best relationships still require work, still require effort, and still, after all these years, require a little bit of good, honest conversation.

And maybe, just maybe, a little less overthinking on my part.

About Jeremy

Jeremy Bryant is a Realtor? and the Founder of The Bryant Group with Keller Williams. He has been serving residential real estate clients since 2020. Before transitioning to real estate, he held various sales, operations, and leadership roles in corporate America for technology companies.

About The Bryant Group

At The Bryant Group, we believe every client should feel confident, comfortable, and empowered in their real estate journey. Whether you’re a first-time homebuyer, a seasoned investor, or looking to maximize the value of your sale, you deserve a team of experts in your corner every step of the way. Our client-centric process focuses on exceptional outcomes and is supported by the best technology in the business.