The danger of a fur-lined rut

It is far better to feel miserable than it is to feel ‘ok’.

I recognise this is a controversial opinion, of course no-one wants their day to day life to be miserable. But for those of us with options, there is a positive side to misery. You can’t tolerate it for long.

It galvanises you into action.

Far more dangerous is the insidious problem of tolerating a situation that isn’t great but isn’t actually terrible either. Years and even decades of progress and joy can be lost living a life that isn’t bad enough to change, but, if you are honest with yourself, isn’t actually good enough either.

I’ve coached people who have come to realise the burden of tolerating work that isn’t enough is far greater than they consciously realised. Like a stone in your shoe that doesn’t seem too bad at first, over time the consequences become greater, as your confidence is slowly eroded and you realise you’ve ended up on track to live a life you don’t actually want.

The problem is of course, it feels hugely risky to make a change.

I used to joke with my friends about being stuck in a fur-lined rut. It was the fur lining that made it so dangerous. The good salary, lovely benefits, the illusion of security. For a long time, it seemed like a painful but reasonable trade for joy.

Until one day it didn’t. For me, it hit me suddenly. Nothing changed except I was overcome with a feeling of dread and misery on my way to work. I would have the urge to get up from my desk and walk out of the building and just keep going. My inner guidance system had hit the ‘enough’ button. I switched from ‘ok’ to ‘intolerable’ and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

The fear of a mediocre life had become greater than the fear of change.

Misery led me to make changes that very quickly moved me to a life unrecognisable to my former self. Full of excitement and interest and fun and genuine happiness. Looking back, I can see how long I wasted, stuck in a bog of uncertainty, when everything I wanted was actually within touching distance all along.

I count myself lucky, that some wisdom from within pushed me to the point of change. The misery part was grim, but the alternative, of sticking with an ‘ok’ life forever would be far worse.

“We are kept from our goals, not by obstacles, but by a clear path to a lesser goal” - Robert Brault

If you recognise any of the following, you may be stuck in a fur-lined rut too.

• When people ask how life or work is going you say something like: ‘It’s fine. I mean, it’s not that bad…’
• You rely on distractions like food, alcohol, media consumption or exercise to feel ok. You are surviving, not thriving.
• You know you want to make changes, but you are certain you can’t without losing what you already have. Somehow it is never the right time.
• You don’t feel much. You aren’t exactly miserable, but you don’t regularly experience joy and excitement either.
• You can’t remember the last time you felt energised, inspired or truly motivated.

Escaping the rut isn’t necessarily easy, but it is 100% possible. And it is probably a whole lot easier than you are imagining. If you recognise yourself in the above, here are some actions you can take today to move forward:

Make a list of what you are tolerating

Getting it out of your head will make it seem more manageable. What feels like an impossible challenge can start to become actionable when it is reduced to a list of words on a page.

Set a deadline

If you genuinely believe things might get better on their own, set a deadline for how long you are prepared to continue tolerating the current situation. Mark the decision date in red in your diary. Write down the things that need to be true at that point for you to continue as is, or make a change.

Identify one small action you can take now to turn towards your desired future

Research courses. Review your bills and work out exactly how much monthly income you really need. Book an appointment with a marriage guidance counsellor. Whatever it is, take that one step today.

Allow yourself to believe your desired life is within reach

If you can’t believe it, pretend you believe it. Ask yourself what you would do if you knew that was true.

“You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.” - Meredith Willson

I am creating a community for people who want to get more from their work. If you want support on your journey to escape the fur-lined rut, or just to hang out with other people who inspire you, sign up here to join the waiting list: https://conscious-engineer.ck.page/2c3c45fc9e

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