The Danger of Comparison

When I first started my coaching career in 2010, I often felt intimidated by other coaches' accolades on social media.

"Here I am speaking to 5,000 people in attendance!"

"Here is how I have attained my first million in my coaching business"

It seems that other coaches have made it and are thriving, while I am still trying my very best just to make ends meet.

Long story short, it got me depressed and on the verge of taking my own life in Apr 2017. Feeling lost and utterly useless in whatever career that I was trying to build, amidst my quarter-life identity crisis.

In 2022, Advertising Assistant Professor Benjamin Johnson (University of Florida of Journalism and Communications) conducted an online survey given to 163 adults who used social media extensively to investigate and understand the specific motives behind social media use to determine its actual effects.

The research revealed that making comparisons more often with those perceived as more successful on social media decreased positive emotions, causing users to feel worse about themselves.

Essentially, when users compared themselves to individuals perceived as more successful, it resulted in lower self-esteem.

Such a phenomenon is also known as the Social Comparison Bias.

What is Social Comparison Bias?

Social comparison bias refers to the inclination to feel negative emotions and competitiveness towards individuals perceived as physically, socially, or mentally superior to oneself.

Initially proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954, it suggests that people possess an inherent motivation to assess themselves by comparing with others.

Individuals engage in various forms of self-evaluation, with social comparison being a prominent method.

For instance, consider a high school student who has recently joined the band to learn clarinet. In evaluating his own progress, he gauges his performance against his peers in the clarinet section.

This comparison includes observing peers who excel as well as those who struggle.

Additionally, hey may assess his musical abilities relative to students playing different instruments, including comparing himself to the top performer in the class.

Social Comparison is NOT always Accurate

Festinger proposed that individuals should use social comparisons to assess their abilities, traits, and attitudes accurately.

However, when these comparisons are ineffective or inaccurate, it can lead to situations that exceed one's current skill level or complexity.

Here's an example:

When comparing yourself to your friends, you might perceive yourself as physically fit.

Therefore, you decide to register for a marathon, confident that you can complete it without difficulty.

However, on race day, you discover that you are surrounded by individuals who are much more athletic than you, leading you to realize that your initial assessment of your abilities was too optimistic.

Impact of Social Comparison Bias

However, comparing ourselves to others can have varying impacts too, depending on the type of comparison made—whether upward or downward - and if we are growth-driven.

For instance, if you're evaluating your basketball skills, you might compare yourself to a friend who plays on a school team, aiming to improve your game—this is an example of upward social comparison.

Conversely, comparing your skills to a friend who struggles to make a basket can boost your confidence—this is a downward social comparison.

In such cases, observing someone with lesser skills can enhance your perception of your own abilities.

You Are Good Enough

All in all, social comparison impacts not just our self-assessments but also our behaviours.

When comparing yourself to others, be mindful of how both upward and downward comparisons can shape your self-perception, confidence, motivation, and outlook.

Pay attention to any negative emotions that may arise from this comparative process.

For me, after attending several therapy sessions with a trained clinical psychologist, I began to understand that my self-worth is not dependent on other people's accolades.

Rather, as a human being, I am loved by others around and I am good enough to receive encouragements and healthy self-esteem.

Nonetheless, this doesn't give me the excuse to be complacent and play victim.

Instead, because I am good enough and don't have to someone else in order to be successful, I can grow myself and seeking to be my own best version every day.

I Am Good Enough to Be Successful in My Own Terms ????????

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