Dancing in the Moment

A number of years ago my wife Loretta and I decided to take dance lessons.??Both of grew up in the generation where “dancing” was mostly swaying your body combined with moving your arms (usually) back and forth. You didn’t need to “learn” it, you just felt the beat of the music, watched what others did and followed along.??Nothing wrong with it-it worked in the60s and 70s and in some contexts still works today.

But where around twenty years ago we were going to go on a cruise and we knew that there would be dancing (more than just sway and move your arms variety).?And so, Loretta began looking for dance classes.?She didn’t find what she was looking for but she found that every Friday night at the Grange there was swing dancing.?There is an hour-long lesson followed by 2 hours of swing dancing. Most more accomplished swing dancers arrived at the ends of the hour-long lesson.??Both of us were a little clunky with the step-slide-forward backward rhythm, but we got by.?So much so that when I turned 50 years old, my wife threw a swing-dance party for me.?We hired the same DJ and he did the same thing—an hour of lesson and a couple hours of swing dancing.

Then later we decided to broaden our “expertise” and signed up for dance lessons at a local dance studio.?Little did we know that, instead of teaching a variety of dance moves, they taught and danced one style of dance per month and all the dance sessions were in that style.

Unfortunately, our very first month was the Tango.?“Fun!” we thought.?

Not so fun.

I could never get the steps of the tango down right and in rhythm with the tango music played.?The instructor kept coming over and trying to get me to make the correct moves and movement.?

But it was all for naught.?We ended our lessons after 4 weeks (the next month’s theme dance seemed just as difficult) and that was that.

Occasionally today, Loretta and I will grab each other in the kitchen when something with a swing beat comes on the Alexa, but even then, we can only remember the most rudimentary steps.

I tell that story to explain perhaps why I had such problems with what is a very popular phrase/metaphor in coaching: “Dance in the moment with your client.”

It was such a common phrase that in the PCC Markers for the old Core Competencies, Competency #4. Coaching Presence, the first PCC marker was “Is present and flexible during the coaching process, dancing in the moment.”

I’m supposed to demonstrate it to get my credential, but that’s bad because I didn’t know what it even really meant.

I knew that that meant to follow your client and move with them, but what does even that mean or what are some specific examples.

In 1995, ACTO (the Association of Coach Training Organizations) defined “dancing in the moment” as “being present and flexible in thought and action”[1]

Kim Morgan, MCC Says of “dancing in the moment” that

Coaching is a dynamic process and a coach must be able to respond to constant changes in the client’s goals, needs, thoughts, actions, beliefs, experiences and priorities. Every change in the client requires the coach to make an immediate adjustment to keep in step and decide “in the moment” which techniques, questions or approaches to use.[2]

Just as in real dancing, there is a leader and a follower.?To see someone go through the steps of a dance all by themselves may be informative and entertaining but rarely is it beautiful like a couple dancing.

Likewise, you can’t have two leaders in a dance.?They will always be struggling for which way the pair should go, and to do what move when.?You can’t really have two followers, either, because they may just stand there and look at each other, because the lead has one position when they come together and the follower has another.

In the coaching relationship, the client is always the lead. The coach is always the follower.?

That does not mean that the follower does nothing.?If you’ve watched couples dance, the follower certainly is not inactive.?The follower has certain steps in reaction to the lead.?

When Loretta and I would dance swing, just a squeezing of the hand would indicate a move that I was about to execute.?Letting go of her waist and moving it in front of her body means another. Raising the hand that held her hand was a definite signal of a move I wanted us to make. The follower must pay attention, and react to whatever or wherever the lead does or goes.

Hopefully the lead follows the rhythm of the music.??But the follower’s responsibility is to follow the pace of the lead.?If the lead dances quickly, the follower must dance fast.?If the lead dances slowly and leisurely, it is the follower’s responsibility to dance in a similar way.

So, in a coaching relationship we are to match the mood and pace of the lead. If the client speaks quickly or abrupt, the coach needs to (at least try to) match that pace.?If the client is slow, thoughtful and deliberate, the coach needs to try to do the same.

The last thing that I did in preparation for this podcast, was to go to through the current PCC markers (the ones released in 2019).?I was, frankly, amazed at how much the concept of dancing in the moment is seen in the PCC markers.?Let me run through them and see if can point out where I see them:

My home-made definition is “responding spontaneous to the statements, emotions or non-verbal clues given by the client to know ‘which techniques, questions or approaches to use’[3] to help the client move to a deeper place of understanding.?The coach moves where and when the client moves and moves at the pace set by the client,”

In the very first competency, “Demonstrates Ethical Practice” marker #2 says that coach is

2. “Is sensitive to clients' identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs”[4]

Notice that this is not just a wise technique.?It is a matter of coaching ethics that we are sensitive to the “clients' identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs” and respond accordingly.?We must dance in the moment and ready to adjust as we learn new things about our client.

In my first draft of this article, I started going though all 29 of the PCC Markers that I felt were to one degree or another an expression of dancing in the moment.?I quickly realized that doing so would make this article unnecessarily long.

And so, I am going to read the rest of the 29 markers but ask you to pause for a moment and think for yourself, ‘How is this marker an expression of “being present and flexible in thought and action”[5]

Under Competency #2: “Embodies a Coaching Mindset”

1.????Acknowledges that clients are responsible for their own choices

2.????Remains aware of and open to the influence of context and culture on self and others

5. Uses awareness of self and one's intuition to benefit clients

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III. Establishes and Maintains Agreements

5. Partners with the client to determine client-coach compatibility

9. Partners with the client to manage the time and focus of the session

10. Continues coaching in the direction of the client's desired outcome unless the client indicates otherwise

11. Partners with the client to end the coaching relationship in a way that honors the experience

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IV. Cultivates Trust and Safety

1. Seeks to understand the client within their context which may include their identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs

2. Demonstrates respect for the client’s identity, perceptions, style and language and adapts one's coaching to the client

3. Acknowledges and respects the client's unique talents, insights and work in the coaching process

5. Acknowledges and supports the client’s expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs and suggestions

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V. Maintains Presence

1. Remains focused, observant, empathetic and responsive to the client

2. Demonstrates curiosity during the coaching process

3. Manages one's emotions to stay present with the client

4. Demonstrates confidence in working with strong client emotions during the coaching process

5. Is comfortable working in a space of not knowing

6. Creates or allows space for silence, pause or reflection

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VI. Listens Actively?

1. Considers the client’s context, identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs to enhance understanding of what the client is communicating

3. Recognizes and inquires when there is more to what the client is communicating

4. Notices, acknowledges and explores the client's emotions, energy shifts, non-verbal cues or other behaviors

6. Notices trends in the client's behaviors and emotions across sessions to discern themes and patterns?

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VII. Evokes Awareness

1.Coach asks questions about the client, such as their current way of thinking, feeling, values, needs, wants, beliefs or behavior.

2. Coach asks questions to help the client explore beyond the client’s current thinking or feeling to new or expanded ways of thinking or feeling about themself (the who).

3. Coach asks questions to help the client explore beyond the client’s current thinking or feeling to new or expanded ways of thinking or feeling about their situation (the what).

4. Coach asks questions to help the client explore beyond current thinking, feeling or behaving toward the outcome the client desires.

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VIII. Facilitates Client Growth

1. Works with the client to integrate new awareness, insight or learning into their worldview and behaviors

2. Partners with the client to design goals, actions and accountability measures that integrate and expand new learning

3. Acknowledges and supports client autonomy in the design of goals, actions and methods of accountability

4. Supports the client in identifying potential results or learning from identified action steps

5. Invites the client to consider how to move forward, including resources, support and potential barriers

6. Partners with the client to summarize learning and insight within or between sessions

8. Partners with the client to close the session

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Conclusion

Coaches are dancing in the moment when they are being completely present with the client, holding their client’s agenda, accessing their (the coach’s) intuition, and letting the client lead them. When coaches dance in the moment, they are open to any steps the client takes and are willing to go in the client’s direction and flow.

In conclusion, I would say that the phrase “dancing in the moment” is a beautiful way to remind coaches that in the coaching relationship, we are aware of ourselves as we coach, we are aware of the dynamic between coach and client, but above all, we are aware of the agenda, the words, the unspoken facial and body movements of the client and are constantly adjusting our responses to be most helpful to him or her.

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Notes:

[1] Association of Coach Training Organizations (2005), General definition of skill level for each credential, p.3.

[2] Morgan, Kim. Dancing in the Moment.?Retrieved from https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/dancing-moment-kim-morgan/.

[3] Morgan.?Ibid.

[4] PCC Markers. Retrieved from https://coachingfederation.org/credentials-and-standards/performance-evaluations/pcc-markers

[5] Association of Coach Training Organizations. Ibid.