The dance we all do when entering a group

Article written in collaboration with Liesbeth Van Criekingen

Imagine it’s your first day at a new job. You are entering the office for the first time. You are minutes from meeting the people you’ll be sharing a lot with : a desk, tasks, meetings, targets, workshops, projects, lunches, coffees, the latest office gossip. You are entering a new organization. You are becoming a member of a new group. And you are dancing. Not literally, like in a musical. But on a social and cultural level, you are. In your mind, you are waltzing on an infinite human symphony entitled “How do I behave best within this group?”

Why do we enter this dance?

Joining a group triggers a complex dance, a universal human experience shaped by our social learning skills we put into use in life.

Historically, being part of a group determined our very survival as an individual. Despite huge technological advancements, our social brains have not evolved at the same pace, often making group inclusion feel like a matter of life or death.?

Our primal instinct for survival once depended on group inclusion, a truth that remains encoded in our DNA. Our ancestors relied on groups for protection, resources, and shared knowledge, setting the stage for our contemporary, but often unconscious, need to belong.

As such, our brains retain ancient mechanisms that perceive social rejection as a threat to survival. The result is that this evolutionary lag influences our emotional responses to being accepted or excluded from groups today, often amplifying the stakes of social interactions in our minds.

How do fear and desire manifest within group settings?

Within the intricate dance of entering and being part of a group, two feelings play leading roles: fear and desire. They can each be set at one end of a relational line. Based upon our own history, experiences, emotions, stakes, etc. we individually position ourself somewhere on that line.?

Both feelings are to be found in ourselves. As such, they can be defined as one (of the many) polarities we can observe in our human world.

These polarities (and how we relate to them) drive much of our behavior in group settings, often subconsciously.?

• Fear: Often stems from the worry of exclusion or rejection by the group. This fear can manifest as anxiety about meeting group norms, hesitation to express dissenting opinions, or even avoidance of group situations altogether. The fear of not belonging taps into deep-seated survival instincts, as social exclusion in our ancestral environment could literally mean death. As such, our brain can trigger the following fear responses according to the situation: to freeze, flight, fight or fawn. In modern contexts, this fear can lead individuals to conform, suppress their authentic selves, or engage in groupthink to maintain harmony and acceptance.
• Desire: Conversely, the desire to belong, to be recognized, and to form meaningful connections motivates individuals to seek out and engage with groups. We all have individual needs, emotions and dreams. We all strive to fulfill them. This desire can drive us to contribute, share our skills and knowledge, and support the group's goals. It encourages risk-taking for the sake of innovation, fosters collaboration, and builds the foundation for strong, cohesive teams.?

According to the context and how we relate to the group (as both an individual and group member), fear and desire can be pull and/or push factors in group dynamics. For example, the desire for connection can mitigate the fear into courage, motivating individuals to overcome personal barriers and engage deeply with the group. The fear of connection can lead us to clarify expectations, to set boundaries on roles and responsibilities, and to negotiate group rules.?

Being aware of these two polarities and how they influence group dynamics is crucial. It helps you to better observe what’s playing in yourself and in the group. By consequence, it also allows you to facilitate healthy group dynamics that can harness the positive aspects of fear and desire. A group that manages to create a safe space for its members to express themselves authentically, even if they express something that is not shared by the majority and/or the leader of the group, will also foster a strong sense of belonging and purpose. Such a balance encourages both individual growth and collective achievement, leading to a group that is dynamic, innovative, and resilient.

Conclusion

We all do an interactive dance when entering a group (and remain being part of one). Being conscious of how we move between the polarities of fear and desire, both as an individual and as a group, can help us to better relate to what we do (or not do). Understanding that this dance is rooted in our primal need for survival and shaped by human psychological dynamics, can empower us to navigate social interactions more mindfully. By recognizing the roles of fear and desire, we can strive for healthier, more fulfilling group engagements. As well as more fruitful relations, with ourselves, others and the world.

And that’s a perspective we are both dancing towards.

Would you care to join ??

Gabriela Bedinelli & Liesbeth Van Criekingen