A daily struggle: The Implicit Perils of the Black Professional

“Be kind to each other.” Over the last couple of years, few phrases have been echoed more than that. But it's difficult to exercise kindness where we don't meaningfully appreciate each other. Our kindness can reach new heights where we acutely understand what others go through. Below is a brief account of how instances of anti-Black violence can strip us of our joy and flood us with insecurity and sadness.?

Wednesday, April 13, 2022?

5:00 p.m. Tonight should be a good night. I get to go for dinner and drinks with some of my brothers at a trendy West Hollywood restaurant. It's been too long.??

7:30 p.m. *Just finished work.* Ah, man I’m going to be late, we have dinner reservations for? 7:45 and it’s a 25-minute drive. All good, I’m amped to get outside today - the weather’s gorgeous!?

8:00 p.m. Finally arrived. I love Los Angeles but the parking and traffic can be exhausting.? This place looks trendy. I’ll have to add it to the list of regular visits.?

8:15 p.m. what a time to be alive. Five Black brothers, all attorneys, sitting together and having dinner. I love to see it. This is wild. It’s a unique experience navigating the legal profession. Regardless of your background, it's a difficult endeavor. But for historically disenfranchised attorneys, we have to slip and slide through additional hoops.?

8:45 p.m. The atmosphere is electric. The mood is light, the ambiance exceptional and we’re all laughing. Amidst the laughter, someone asks “Have you guys seen the Grand Rapids video?” I hadn't. None of us had but given the tone, I suspected that it wasn’t a pleasant video. While accurate, I wasn’t prepared for what it was.?

An unarmed Black man, Patrick Lyoya, was shot and killed in the back of the head by a police officer during a traffic stop. The air, the soul, escaped the room. We began scrolling through our phones looking for the latest updates. Some of us began looking for the video. I prayed that they don’t play it. Not here. The lack of media coverage over the killing produced resounding disbelief and bewilderment.?

9:20 p.m. The last half hour has been sobering. We’ve been here before. We’re a resilient bunch. So we know how to push through and continue the conversation and attempt to remain engaged. But the youthful effervescence that once filled the table is gone.?

And that’s so often what we’re robbed of. Each police shooting takes a piece of our soul. It’s a constant reminder that, in certain circumstances, being Black is a death wish. No amount of success, acclaim, and kindness can erase the racist hatred that festers in the annals of some.

As Black people, our connection to each police shooting is shaped by the victim. We may see ourselves, a sibling, a parent, or a grandparent. In any instance, empathy is quickly realized. Patrick Lyoya died at 26 - we’re around the same age and both African immigrants…damn. The night continued, and the mood lightened up but we never got back to that initial happiness.?

11:00 p.m. I’m home. I check my phone, and still no meaningful coverage?! What’s going on?! Hopefully, by the morning, give it time. It’s late, I need to get to bed.

I can’t sleep. Why does this keep happening? I was tempted to watch the video, but I didn't. These visuals - these events, produce real trauma. I’ve yet to watch the George Floyd video, but I’ve listened to the clip where he cried out for his mother. It still pierces through me in an indescribable way. I need to protect my energy. But I can’t. I need to protect my people. I need to get it together and focus.

Thursday, April 14, 2022

3:30 a.m. I resign to the reality that this is our reality.? But shortly before I do, I think to myself “maybe one day they’ll love us.”

4:30 a.m. My alarm goes off. Time to hit the gym and get the day started. I'm exhausted and mentally drained. I want to take it easy today, but I can’t. We have a deal that's scheduled to close and there are still some loose ends.

7:00 a.m. I’m back from the gym with my coffee. I scour social media accounts and reputable sources, why is there still such little coverage?! I can’t wrap my head around it.

8:00 a.m. The first substantive email of the day rolls in. Life goes on. And like that, a harsher reality sets in. I take a deep breath and pray for the Lord’s blessings. Time to saddle up, kid – there’s a deal to close.