Dad has Alzheimer’s. Mom asked me to take over the finances. Where do I start?

I just found out my dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. My mom called me and through tears asked if I would take over their financial affairs while she tends to Dad's care. I have no idea where to start, what they have, or where to find anything. I think they are fairly well off. They live comfortably and own a vacation property in Idaho that we all use occasionally. I have an older brother, so I'm not sure if I have the authority to do anything. She did say they have Wills in a safe deposit box, but I don't know how to access it. What should I do now?

Receiving news about a loved one's Alzheimer’s diagnosis is undoubtedly a heavy burden. It's challenging to process the emotional ramifications, and on top of that, your mother is reaching out for help regarding their financial affairs. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start, but you're not alone in this.

While this will be a profoundly personal journey, here are a few tips to begin the process of taking over financial decisions.

1.?Take a Deep Breath

First and foremost, give yourself a moment. It’s okay to feel uncertain and anxious. Closely managing the financial affairs of a parent living with Alzheimer's will require time, patience, and emotional resilience. You’re stepping into a role that carries a lot of responsibility, and acknowledging your feelings is the first step in managing them.

2.?Open Communication

Talk to your mother about her wishes and your dad’s care. Clear and empathetic communication is crucial, especially since she is navigating the emotional waters of her husband's diagnosis. Ask her for her thoughts about their financial situation and what specific tasks she needs help with.

Given that your older brother may also have a stake in the decision-making, it’s essential to include him in these discussions. If there are any existing agreements or understandings about finances, discussing these openly can help in maintaining family harmony.

3.?Gather Information

To begin managing your parents’ financial affairs, you’ll need to collect essential documents and information:

• Create a Financial Inventory: List all known accounts, including banks, investment accounts, insurance policies, and retirement funds. Get an overview of monthly expenses, including mortgages, bills, and any recurring charges.
• Locate Important Documents: Since your mother mentioned Wills in a safe deposit box, find out which bank holds the box. You might need access to it, potentially requiring her to go with you, or you might need to have her power of attorney in order to get access.
• Identify Professional Help: If your parents had previously appointed an attorney or financial advisor, reach out to them. They are familiar with your parents' assets and can help guide you on next steps.

4.?Understanding Your Authority

Your ability to manage their finances heavily depends on whether your parents have designated you as a financial power of attorney (POA). If they have executed a POA, it should detail your authority over their financial matters. If not, your parents will need to make those arrangements, particularly before your dad’s cognitive ability may decline further.

It may also help to consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law. They can guide you through understanding any legal papers your parents have, including their Will and POA documents.

5.?Establish a Routine

Once you have an inventory and understand what documents you have, create a timeline for handling them. Set aside specific times to tackle one part of their financial affairs at a time. Keep communication open with your mom and brother during this process—sharing what you discover will foster transparency and cooperation.

6.?Be Proactive About Future Needs

As your dad’s Alzheimer’s progresses, his needs may change. This requires being ahead of the curve. Explore long-term care options, such as assisted living or in-home care solutions. Understanding their costs and how they will be funded is vital in order to prepare a financial plan.

7.?Self-Care Matters Too

Amidst the challenges, remember that your emotional and physical well-being matters. Managing your parents' finances and navigating their care can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to take breaks, seek support from friends and family, and consider speaking to a counselor if you need to process your feelings.

8.?Educate Yourself About Alzheimer’s

Understanding Alzheimer's disease will help you empathize with your parents' experience. Look for reputable resources about the disease to understand its progression, care options, and how it will impact your dad’s day-to-day life. This knowledge also provides some foundations for better family discussions and decision-making in the future.

It’s daunting to be put in charge of your parents’ financial affairs, especially during such a challenging time. However, by taking a structured and empathetic approach, you can ease some of the burden for both yourself and your parents. Remember that you’re not in this alone—seek out information, support from family, or professional guidance to help navigate this journey. Your ability to offer stability during this turbulent time is a powerful gift, both to your parents and to yourself as you navigate these complex waters together.

Reposted from Wealth and Honor