Dad guilt is real!

As I sit on my long flight of over 20 hours to get back home after being away for a week, I am relieved to be finally back with family and get to spend quality time with my girls. I have come to realize in a rapidly evolving world, the landscape of fatherhood has undergone a profound transformation. Gone are the days when dads were merely seen as providers and disciplinarians.

Today, we are expected to be active participants in every aspect of our children's lives – from changing diapers to attending school events. While this shift has undoubtedly brought about positive change, it has also given rise to a phenomenon known as dad guilt. Yes, you read that right – dad guilt is a reality too, and it’s a sentiment that's becoming increasingly prevalent amongst fathers such as myself.

My wife, Zaina, has been an incredible pillar of support throughout this journey of parenthood. Her unwavering dedication, love & understanding have been nothing short of extraordinary. She’s shown me that parenthood is a team effort, where both partners contribute equally to the growth and nurturing of our two children.

However, despite having an incredible partner, dad guilt can still find its way on a recurring basis. In the past, societal norms often painted fathers as distant figures who played a secondary role in their children's lives. The stereotypical image of a father leaving for work early in the morning and returning late at night is deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness. But as modern fathers, we strive to break free from these constraints and be present for the precious moments that matter.

The seemingly small moments, the ones that don’t make it to social media or the family photo album, can weigh heavily on a father’s heart. The missed school play due to a work commitment, the day you couldn't take off to nurse a fever, the times when you were physically present but mentally preoccupied – all these instances can accumulate and manifest as dad guilt. It’s a silent struggle that many fathers face including myself.

That said, navigating dad guilt requires a delicate balance. On one hand, acknowledging and addressing these feelings is crucial for emotional well-being. Bottling up guilt can lead to resentment, affecting not only your relationship with your children but also with your partner. On the other hand, it’s essential to recognize that perfection is an unattainable goal. No parent, regardless of gender, can be present for every single moment of their child's life.

What matters most is the quality of the time we spend with them and the love and support we offer. Over the last few years, I have focussed on being more present and taken small steps like working from home for meetings I can take on zoom instead of spending hours in traffic or make small changes to my schedule to accommodate the pick-up and drop from school, or to reschedule late night calls to ensure they are tucked to bed without distractions.

In a world that's gradually dismantling traditional gender roles, it’s important to recognize that both mothers and fathers can experience guilt, frustration, and the desire to balance it all. Dad guilt, just like mom guilt, is a genuine emotion born out of love and a desire to provide the best for our children.