The Dad dilemma

I saw a clip on Insta the other day where someone was rattling off their rules in life in order to be successful.

The short version of what they said is "you can't be successful if you're only working 40 hours a week". I roll my eyes at this a bit but depending on the context you put on the situation, the type of work, the potential rewards for extra work, it can be somewhat true.

It also heavily depends on what your version of success is.

I was working in a recruitment agency when my first child was born and the way that commission structure works, I had always been willing to put in extra hours as it often led to more money. I wasn't doing this to buy fancy cars, watches or go on big holidays as I think people often assume anyone in a sales role is there for.

I'm one of those grew up poor kids. I was born into housing commission to very working class parents.

So I look back at when I was a kid and what I wanted from my Dad and honestly, it wasn't about wanting more money. It was about time. And interest.

My Dad was a shift worker, so there could be weeks where we didn't even cross paths in the same house. But then when he wasn't working, he preferred to bet on horses rather than come to my basketball games.

Even the most amateur psychologists could understand how this would then impact on what sort of Dad I want & try to be and I'm not sure that type of Dad is possible if I'm working 70 hour weeks.

Sure, I could be super vigilant about the hours in my day, waking up early to work before the kids wake up and make sure that the time I spend with them is quality.

But what I struggle with is stopping my brain thinking about work. It's not just the hours I'm at my desk or on the phone, it's the hours that work occupies my headspace.

Here in lies the dilemma; should I focus on work to provide the kids with all the things and opportunities I didn't have?

Or focus on spending time with the kids to provide all the time and support I didn't have?

Or it's super easy and you just do both? Work 60 hours a week and be in Super Dad mode every other hour of the day.

Then we haven't even discussed where the time to be a good husband, have a six pack, buy the right stocks, have good friendships & hobbies comes from. Oh and 8 hours of sleep. I forgot also 3 litres of water and your supplements.

Depending on who is reading this, what a successful career means to you, what your priorities are and also, what sort of Dad you have/had, the answers to this are all going to be very different.

There's not a right or wrong answer in my opinion and I think that answer will also change during the different stages of your kids lives. When your kids are 4 years old and you are their world is going to be really different to when they are 14 and everything you say and do is wrong and embarrassing.

Happy Fathers Day to all the Dad's out there! I know it feels like the whole world is on your shoulders a lot of the time. Be nice to yourself and the other Dad's in your life.