The CyberCatCafé

There it goes, the last Macintosh that the bank has come to repossess. The plush velvet sofas are also gone, the rich mahogany wood tables are nowhere to be seen, and the fancy Italian illy coffee machines are probably on their way to serve clients somewhere else. After taking one more look at the empty store, heartbroken Andrea posts an "out of business" sign on the front door and slowly walks away, feeling as though she is carrying the weight of the world. The cats, on the other hand, couldn’t care less. They simply nap as they wait for her in the car.

Andrea started her first business when she was eight years old. She would personally deliver a custom-made martial arts class to anyone ready to hand over a shiny coin. She was far from an expert, though. Actually, she had never taken a formal course by that point. But she had spent numerous hours watching Daniel-san and Mr. Miyagi in the 1984 blockbuster The Karate Kid. She spent a year training her only two clients, mom and dad, before shifting her attention to promoting her talents as a gift card designer. Again, she found a market in her parents, who seemed to have a surprising need to send colorful greetings to others. Tens of other businesses came and went until Andrea, in her early twenties, came up with what she thought would be a revolutionary idea: the CyberCatCafé, a place to surf the web, sip fresh coffee, and hang out with furry friends.

Andrea, being the real entrepreneur that she was, didn’t hesitate to take risks. She approached a local bank, obtained a sizable loan to launch her business, and persuaded family and friends to join her. She wanted her shop to be top quality, so she acquired state-of-the-art computers, rented a space in the fanciest neighborhood in town, and hired an interior designer to give her shop a VIP feel. The first few years were a blast, with customers frequently lining up to have a unique experience. But then everything started to fall apart. Competitors popped up everywhere, driving down sales. Costs, on the other hand, remained high, making it challenging to keep the shop afloat. And the annoying computers were constantly devouring any money she made. Not only did the quick shift in technology render them essentially obsolete after a few months, but the ongoing need for IT support was prohibitively expensive.

The morning after The CyberCatCafé closes for good Andrea meets her dad to ask for his advice. A tall, muscular man in khaki pants, a red checkered long-sleeved shirt, and dark brown suede loafers knocks on her door. His square-shaped face makes him appear tough, but it's his deep voice that truly intimidates. He's strong-minded, decisive, and driven. It's no wonder that he frequently sets goals in his life that others may find impossible to imagine. “My beloved Dee Dee, you are too soft,” he adds as he sits at her kitchen table. “You must be strong, persevere, and push through until the end. That is how important things in life are accomplished.” “Be brave and bold. Don’t sell yourself short; believe anything is possible, and have faith,” he adds. “You’ll never know when you'll have a breakthrough if you don’t keep working at it.” “Only those dreamers who are daring enough to find out who they are and what they truly desire can achieve success.” He then takes Andrea's hand in his and says, "Never give up!”

Andrea feels all pumped up as he leaves. She’s now ready to give a good fight and conquer the world. “The CyberCatCafé is definitely coming back, and it will do so with a bang!” she tells herself. She merely needs to find new investors, pay off her debts, and rebuild everything from the ground up. Andrea spends the next few months trying to make things work, but she discovers that bringing her dream back to life is impossible. She can't get the money, people have free internet everywhere they go, and the cats don't seem thrilled to be with strangers. She wants to take her father's advice and never give up, but she's simply too tired and frustrated to continue.

On a particularly tough day, Andrea meets her mom for dinner. A petit, frail-looking lady opens the door. She's dressed in a vintage yellow-flower dress she acquired at a thrift store, a classic denim jacket with an embroidered peace and love symbol on the back, and bronze Havaianas embellished with Swarovski crystals (or so she thinks). She is naturally optimistic, and she always finds reasons to believe that everything happens for a reason. Her decisions are obviously influenced more by emotions than logic, yet she is highly persuasive. “My dear child, be happy,” she adds in a sweet, joyful voice. “We can't always get our way; it's a truth of life.” “Enjoy the moment and accept things as they are. Don't worry about the past or a future that may never come. Trying to get your way will only drive you mad,” she says emphatically. “But if you adapt to whatever life brings along, you will experience more, learn more and enjoy more." She then wraps her arms around her daughter and whispers in her ear, "Go with the flow."

Andrea is back at her apartment. She slips on her favorite flannel pajamas and crawls into bed, not before executing a Cirque du Soleil-style contortionist act to fit between the sleepy cats. "Never give up?” ... “Go with the flow?” … “What’s the right way to approach life?” she wonders as she closes her eyes.

I'm curious to know what your philosophy is. Both mantras appear to have advantages and disadvantages. Never giving up drives resilience, determination, and grit to tackle major goals and challenges. It's also an appealing concept since it elicits hope, no matter how dark the outlook appears. However, it can be quite costly, especially if we risk our physical and mental health, our income, our relationships with our loved ones, new opportunities, and, eventually, our happiness in order to get what we want. Going with the flow relieves us of significant weight. It also liberates our minds to look for possibilities along the way. It can, however, make us feel passive and conformist. I’m more of a never giving up person, but I realize that I need to be smarter about it because I frequently wind up feeling pressured and anxious.

Austrian psychotherapist, Alfred Adler, might have the answer to this conundrum. He proposed the concept of "The Separation of Tasks" in the early 1900s to help us navigate the allocation of control and responsibilities in our lives. In a nutshell, we must be able to identify our tasks and how they differ from those of others. This goes beyond recognizing which parts of the goals we set for ourselves or the obstacles we face are under our control and which are under the control of other people. It also entails understanding that as long as we live by the judgment of others, we will live to meet their expectations. So, separating tasks involves as well having the necessary courage to reject responsibilities simply to obtain recognition or validation.

To see this concept in practice, let’s go back to Andrea’s story. Her task is to launch The CyberCatCafé, create an inviting ambiance, and provide excellent service. Adlerian psychology tells us that this is her responsibility since she?will be the one to bear the consequences of her decisions (e.g., money and success). Now, her customers’ preferences are not for her to control. It’s their choice whether to get coffee on the go rather than at a fancy shop, and whether to access the internet via their phone rather than a computer. They are the ones who are impacted by the outcomes of their decisions (e.g., convenience, freedom). As things change, Andrea can only detect new patterns and decide whether or not to adapt. These are her new tasks. It’s not her responsibility to decide what her clients want. Trying to force her vision by wrongly believing she has more control than she does not only complicates her life but also leads her to frustration and misery.

Now that I think about it, cats seem to have this whole life philosophy thing figured out. They spend a big part of their life just going with the flow. Why bother when most things are not under one’s control? They take the time to be present and enjoy the moment. They accept the prevailing trends and adapt. Furthermore, they never sweat the small stuff; on the contrary, they know how to cope with tasks that are not theirs to handle — just ignoring them. But this changes substantially once they realize the tasks they actually control. In that case, they never give up (just ask anyone who lives with a cat). If we learn anything from them, may it be the wisdom to have a nimble life philosophy. Or as Alfred Adler once said: “Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”

Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. August 6, 2022.?