Cutting through the noise

In a time when there is so much uncertainty, it seems like we are a world full of noise. Everywhere we turn there are experts giving advice and setting rules and standards. Competing ideas and approaches try to pull us in. I’m feeling exhausted by it all, how about you?

Likewise, as we all face more difficult and complex choices than ever before, we too often need to influence and persuade others over a course of action. As we live and work through these complex times, we’re all having to work even harder to be heard.

How do we choose who to listen to and who we should believe? How do we ensure our voice is heard by others in this world full of noise?

Eight ways to get heard

‘Messengers – 8 ways to get heard’, written by Stephen Martin and Joseph Marks, draws on sixty years’ worth of research exploring the traits of communicators of whom people are most inclined to listen.

They share that frequently we tend to judge an idea not on its merits but according to how we judge the person putting it forward. The messenger becomes the message. The audience is making judgements not only about the validity and coherence of the message, but also, we’ll be thinking, can we trust this person? Do they know what they are talking about? Are they genuine? Do they have the relevant expertise or experience?

We form judgements of a person within seconds and that is linked to our perception of how accomplished someone is at communicating information. In general, if we respect and feel connected to someone then we will be more inclined to listen.

Martin and Marks propose that there are two broad categories of messenger; hard and soft, each with identifiable traits. They argue that by recognising the traits of messengers we can influence who we listen to, what we believe and who we become.

The hard messenger 

Hard messengers seek to win influence by getting ahead of others. They are more likely to have their messages accepted because audiences perceive they have superior status. They are likely to have some of these traits: socio-economic position, competence, dominance and attractiveness.

Socio-economic

People with senior titles, a higher profile or who are known in their industry, are seen to be in a higher position or have relative standing in the group (based on the level of attention, importance and respect given to them by others in the group). We can see this played out in all forms from work, to sport, to celebrity culture and then in social groups.

However, we know from the research shared by Matthew Syed in his book ‘Rebel Ideas’ that always deferring to the most senior person in the room does not create the best ideas or encourage creativity and innovation. It can actually hold back a team and its capacity to innovate and deliver the best results. When you are listening to a senior figure and you spot a tension or opportunity, will you act on it or will you let it pass? Syed shares stories of groups who deferred to the leader when they could see issues around them, and this caused significant errors of judgement and negative impact on people and performance.

Competence

Messengers who are perceived as competent or expert are seen to possess the know-how, experience, skills and knowledge that will help them achieve their goals. We automatically trust those we think have the expertise in a subject we want to know more about. We can sometimes see confidence as an example of competence and expertise, as our minds can link the two together.

However, if we are communicating with confidence, we need to make sure that what we are sharing is accurate. If we share something that is found to be false, then we can lose credibility really quickly. We can see this currently playing out with the UK government’s handling of the Coronavirus and the decisions they make. With all the facts and the experts, and the conflicting advice and opinions, how do we work out which facts are the ones to believe? Often our judgement of competence is only shown to be incorrect when other facts come to light. 

Likewise, not all of us are extroverted communicators. How we perceive confidence and what comes with it might be as much a part of who we are and how we prefer to take in information and act, rather than being about the person communicating in front of us. Forthright confidence might actually be a turn off for some people. How we project confidence is as much about knowing our audience as it is having confidence in our own ideas and abilities.

Interestingly, research has found that being confident, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t show some uncertainty. Studies have found that by sharing some uncertainty, the brains of our audience are more likely to trust us.

Dominance

People who are perceived to be dominant or who display dominance over others can enhance their perceived status. However, these dominant types tend to be selfish, self-obsessed and less likely to make sacrifices for others. They are focused on ‘winning is more important than how you play the game’. You’ll notice these people because they are focused on what they need and not focused on empathy or caring.

Equally, we can notice dominance in a messenger’s voice. In a previous post I talked about how many women in high profile positions have taken lessons to lower the pitch of their voice. This is because lower pitched voices are generally considered more dominant. (Think Margaret Thatcher, and more recently Theresa May as female examples). 

If you want to feel more dominant and powerful when you have an important presentation to deliver, the ‘power pose’; arms on hips, chest puffed out and a small smile will all exude pride that can help to change the physiology in your brain. Equally, wearing red is seen as a sign of dominance and so wearing this colour for an important presentation can help you to get noticed.

As we work in a more hybrid world and more virtual at the moment, I hope that this won’t lead to silos or the increase of bad behaviour. Bullying is a form of dominance and usually occurs when a person is trying to create some dominance over another or a situation. The bully is looking for increased status and greater influence. As we work remotely, people may feel unable to create the dominance they might usually drive more easily face to face in the workplace. This might lead to the delivery of messages that aren’t received well. Lack of collaboration and care over how the message is given can lead to disengaged people who retreat full of mistrust. Ultimately though, this poor behaviour results with the messenger having even less dominance as the people around them disengage and avoid contact with them.

Attractiveness

For most of us not blessed with model good looks, you’ll be relieved to know that the trait of attractiveness is more about how we behave. While good looks can get you so far, attractiveness also relates to people who are likeable, warm, and create goodwill in how they operate. Studies have shown that we actually prefer those who have ‘average’ faces as these apparently signal health. One easy way to be seen as more attractive (and influential) is to smile. Therefore, it’s less about what you look like and more about how you make others feel. Do you bring the positive good vibes and lift others up?

Notice yourself, are you swayed by people who have similar view points and look similar to you? Is it about what they look like rather than by the content of what they are saying? Research shows that we can be swayed by items of prestige (a nice car, expensive clothes etc) and listen to these messengers above others we perceive to be less prestigious.

Soft Messengers

Soft messengers win acceptance through their messages because they are perceived to possess a connectedness with the audience. They are likely to have some of these traits: warmth, vulnerability, trustworthiness and charisma.

Warmth

With all the authority and seniority in the world, if we don’t take care over others, we can quickly find we lose the trust and respect of those around us. While a hard messenger usually comes from a place of authority, this on its own is not enough to influence and persuade people. We want to connect with others and understand them, and know that they understand us to really be able to listen and follow them.

Soft messengers seek benevolence, and if they have warmth, it can signal care and kindness. They show respect, friendliness and an interest in others. Taking this approach encourages great benefits of reduced conflict and increased cooperation. According to a 2018 survey by Ashford, Wellman Sully De Luque and De Stobbeleir, CEO’s who genuinely attend to their employees have a team that feels more valued, with a more effective top management team and with enhanced financial performance. 

Broken down, warmth can be found in three ways; positivity, social reward, and compassion. Managing your messages to others in a positive way (where appropriate), approaching challenges and difficulties with a focus on improvement rather than what will go wrong, and showing compassion for others can increase our likeability. Showing warmth enables us to connect better, creating greater opportunities for influence and creates the positive outcome of enhancing our reputation.

Vulnerability 

When we are able to reveal some weakness or insecurity that might show some vulnerability it makes us more human. It enables people to connect with us. We can build closer relationships and stronger connections. It’s about revealing an appropriate amount of information based on who we are with and how well we know them. This can help to evoke feelings in others and build opportunities for greater understanding and encourages those people to take more interest in us, listen to us and follow us.

Vulnerability has to be shared at the appropriate time. Many people don’t share vulnerability for fear of being seen as weak or unable to cope. However, sharing concerns over what might go wrong, admitting errors and sharing some personal struggle can help people to connect better with us. We connect better with those we can relate to.

Particularly in these times, we know that things are uncertain with new challenges occurring every day. Recognising the challenges and relating to them can help us to connect better with those we are trying to influence because it demonstrates we understand or are trying to understand. In my experience the leaders who have shown a little vulnerability have connected better with their teams. It also makes them more approachable, and to be seen as trustworthy.

Trustworthiness

Possibly the most important trait of them all. Trust is important because it influences how a messenger relates to others, how they are perceived, and how strong their relationship is. Trust helps us to collaborate, and build opportunities with others that we would find hard to create alone. Trust is built by relationships, though trust requires us to put our trust in a person when we first meet them, it can take a long time to build but it can be easily broken.

Consistency of behaviour and message helps people trust us because consistency helps people predict how we will behave in the future. The more we trust each other the greater trust grows. The greater the trust the more people will listen to us, help us, and make allowances for us.

The messages we are sending to our people in the current climate are so important to maintain trust. With all of the conflicting recommendations and changing guidance, it’s never been more important to drive consistency, simplicity and regularity in our messages. People need to feel safe and supported to be able to feel confident and deliver their best work. The importance of employee trust in an organisation in this uncertain environment has never been greater. This isn’t just the CEO or HR team’s role! It is for every manager and employee to ensure that they are communicating and sharing relevant information to facilitate a positive and consistent working environment.

Charisma

Charisma is a difficult trait to describe. It can be shown in many different ways and not all at the same time. Traits such as self-confidence, expressiveness, energy, optimism, an ease with risk taking, creativity, and challenging the status quo are a few examples.

People with charisma help to create a sense of belonging. They can articulate a collective identity and vision that helps people to feel part of something bigger that they want to connect with. Using stories, anecdotes and metaphors are useful ways of creating a meaningful visual and emotional connection. Stories help our messages to be heard and remembered. They can connect into all of our senses. Even if we have to imagine it, a story or metaphor can draw us into the message and remember it long after we have heard it.

What are the stories that you and your organisation can share to keep connected and facilitate connectivity and belonging? What are the stories that can help to drive your business strategy and focus forwards?

Surgency

People with charisma often have a positive outlook, with a high energy and a strong desire for rewarding experiences. They tend to be more emotionally expressive and able to engage their audience at an emotional level. This positive outlook is infectious and creates a positive emotion in the audience causing them to pay attention.

Equally sharing these positive outlooks via how we express ourselves can also create a greater connection. Hand movements communicate the messenger’s emotions to the audience where they can recognise the messengers surgency. I know lots of people who are self-conscious about using their hands when speaking. However, moving our hands around has been found to help people to connect with us better because it represents the emotion and content of what we are saying. The movement can be what ensures the audience is attentive, listens and feels prepared to take action.

Interestingly, charisma is not associated with intelligence, but charismatic messengers are able to think quickly and decisively. They can assert themselves, lead a group and have presence in the room, but can also get along with others and make them feel comfortable. They have dominance but not in a way that makes people uncomfortable. Charismatic people are able to be a messenger who has a level of dominance but their warmth results in it being received less as domineering or aggressive.

It’s not just what you say but how you say it

It’s not just the content of our message that gets us heard, but how we say it. The ‘how’ can be the difference between being heard and trusted, and being ignored.

When we are delivering a message, the traits we choose to use are very much dependant on the context of the situation that we are in. It is wise for us to understand our own style and develop some traits we are less comfortable with. It is mostly important that we take time to assess the situation we are communicating in and the person or people we need share information with and deliver accordingly.

Some people find it very difficult to flex their style, others are able to understand the needs of the audience and adapt. If we can identify the sensitivity of a situation and adapt our style within it we can pitch our message a little more effectively.

Self-awareness of our own style, and of what we value most in others (which will impact who we listen to) will help us to see where we are drawn in by messengers.

Understanding how we can utilise traits and approaches to be heard, and how we choose to take in information, can help us to get clear on why we might listen to or discount certain messages. With this understanding we can start to make more effective choices about how we deliver our message and who we choose to listen to. These traits after all can influence how we are received and who we become.

How about you?

How we deliver a message and the content that we stand behind has never been more important in this world full of noise. Now that you are aware of the different traits that influence how messages are delivered and received, how might you seek to adapt and use these to improve your delivery? How might these traits make you consider more deeply the people you choose to listen to and ultimately believe?