Customer Service and Complaints – Who is Kidding Who?

Most interactions between the provider and the customer go perfectly; well 99.9% of the time.

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In a free, open, and competitive market, failure to satisfy the market can have immediate or long-term consequences that are both harsh and cruel. To the point of terminal extinction for the provider of the services or goods.

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We don’t live in a perfect world, anyone can get it wrong, or make a silly mistake. Some are purely innocent; others can be deliberate; disrespecting for example the other parties and assuming they are all idiots.

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As a backstop there is a failsafe mechanism, we call the Complaint Procedures.

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However, in the UK we do have a cultural problem with first, avoiding dissatisfaction in the first place, and second, having an effective complaint’s procedure to deal with the issue.

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I recall during my business career needing regular visits to the USA to restore my faith in delivering customer satisfaction. There, if they get it wrong there is an immediate reaction, as though they had committed a capital offence and will plead for redemption.

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In the UK it is different. If you do summon up the courage to offer a better way of giving that bit extra customer service, you are brushed aside, sometimes ignored, or tolerated as an irritating nuisance.

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When a transaction goes awry there is an ingrained defence mechanism when challenged, the perpetrator resorts to formulaic ‘corporate speak’ using meaningless phrases that neither resolve, nor achieve anything.

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Living in a neutral country like France I have come to realise that the difference in approach is cultural and not as you might think a European versus American mindset.

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Perhaps a few examples might illustrate this bold assertion.

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It is no accident that the Yanks are first into a recession, but the first out; one a deep dive and then the other a sky rocketing exit. They are already programmed for it in their DNA.

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Whilst on holiday in Palm Springs, having bought extra clothes, I needed another case for the return trip; a trolley-dolly would do. I went to an out-of-town shopping centre and walked into what appeared to be a warehouse. I stood bewildered by the mountains of cases whilst an enormous Alsatian kept a beady eye on me sat by the cash till.

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I had been in just two minutes before being confronted by a smartly dressed salesman, probably the proprietor. Then came a quiz much like the tv show Mastermind.

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Salesmen (S): “What is your specialist subject.”

Customer (C): “Cases.”

???????????????????? S: “Personal or Business, or both.”

???????????????????? C: “Both.”

S: “Do you carry a laptop.”

C: “Yes.”

S: “What case size do you want.”

C: “Trolley Dolley for trains and planes.”

S: “What airline.”

C: “Delta at the moment, but normally I go by British Airways.”

S: “What colour.”

C: “Black.”

S: “There are only two cases available in this place for you, follow me over here.”

C: “What’s the difference.”

S: “Same price, but this one can be pulled lengthways and the other, on its side as well, ideal for the narrow aisles of BA.

C: “I will take that one.”

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He must have known there would be no possibility of a comeback, but it made no difference. The Alsatian laid down as soon as we started to leave! I wheeled out the case in ten minutes.

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After Palm Springs we drove to Las Vegas to stay at the hotel Treasure Island. I had been a few times before on business visiting trade exhibitions. With five miles to go I warned my wife to get prepared and gather everything of value she immediately needed from the car, namely her handbag and camera. All hell was going to let loose when we stopped. She asked why, to which I responded you will soon see.

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Pulling to a halt the driver’s door was instantly opened and the latch for the boot released. Both of us asked to get out of the car and to hand over the car keys.

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In two minutes, we stood there on the pavement with just two tickets in hand, one for retrieval of our car the other for our bags. Our bags would be in our room within ten minutes. Then we were advised to perhaps have a drink at the bar and relax. We must be thirsty after a long desert drive. It all worked seamlessly.

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Unhappily during our stay, we received a telephone message that a close friend had suddenly passed away in South Africa and the funeral was the following day. Both of us went to the reception, explained our predicament through a stream of tears and asked if we could send a wreath.

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Other hotel guests must have assumed we had lost the family fortunes at the gaming tables. The only question was how much were we prepared to pay. The widow confirmed on our return home that a beautiful wreath of flowers with our personal message was delivered within an hour before the funeral service.

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That’s when it goes well, but what about when you are the problem?

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On the same trip, still in Las Vegas we were in Caesar’s Palace sat in a New York style diner. At our table with an enormous glass of soda filled to the brim with ice cubes I was throwing my arms around as usual whilst talking like some Italian. I knocked over my glass of soda and ice cubes went everywhere along the floor and under the other tables.

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I insisted, despite the protestations from the waitress, I would clear it all up. The waitress was the doppelganger of Bette Midler with the Brooklyn voice to match. When she arrived with the sizzler platter, she told me that it was very hot and before she would put it onto the table, I was to put my hands behind my back! When the dessert arrived in one of those jelly moulds you had as a family treat, I exclaimed that it was massive. The waitress responded by saying everything is around here and winked. Cheeky minx!

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So, a disaster was turned into a memorable humorous moment.

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It’s unique in the US to find poor customer service or a reason to complain, but in the UK, it seems a different story.

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On a recent visit, everywhere there were signs requesting customers not to be abusive towards staff. Even in a supermarket car park, the same notices but directed between customers!

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When I asked a patrol policeman in a takeaway queue, a South African by origin, why all these signs his response was, welcome to England. He complained of being filmed and interfered with when they are forced to step in to maintain the peace and civil order.

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That was just the start. Reversing my car into a parking bay at a fast-food restaurant I was blasted by a horn from the car behind for holding up line for the drive-in for no more than two minutes. I could see the woman passenger in a fit of rage mouthing off.

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Inside I couldn’t order the food on the electronic screen as all the numbered table plastic counters were either missing or broken. Turning to a member of staff on enquiry of how to work the system I got the full works, even saying she was scared to go home to look after her special needs son through customer intimidation.

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It continued in the café of a departmental clothes store. Although in my career I had acted as a retail consultant I hated shopping. My family know the best plan is to park me in the café on the first floor with a newspaper, large latte and a sticky bun.

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I picked up my tray, chose a bottle of mineral water and a pain au raisin and went to a circular counter where they prepared the coffees. First encounter on ordering, have you paid? No. You need to go the other side. Apparently, they can’t take the credit risk for the time between ordering your coffee and sitting down to drink it. I duly complied. As I returned to the coffee station, I asked on delivery of the coffee could I have a glass for the water. No, you will have to go the other side. But the glasses are just behind you! No luck.

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I did write to complain to Head Office along with other stuff I noticed, but no response. I also complimented the girl in the men’s clothes section.

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A year later the café circular bar had been replaced and a clearer layout of where to go to order and then pay. I longed to get back home, sit in a café for someone to within a minute or two ask for your order, deliver it on a nice tray with proper crockery, teaspoon, and sugar. You paid when you finished and gave a small tip. How civilised!

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It is not always a problem stemming from the provider, customers can be a nightmare too!

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In the past I owned and operated a 200-seater restaurant. The serving staff were given the authority to refuse plated meals from the kitchen if they were not to standard. One evening I discovered a young waitress who had just left school but had gone through our three-week training course sobbing in the kitchen. Asking whatever was the problem she told me a customer was complaining the chip portions were too small.

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Although the meal was to standard for the price positioning, she had offered an extra helping for all his family but still he was abusive. I went over to the table enquired from the man what his complaint was and why he was still dissatisfied. It became clearly apparent from our exchange that he was a chauvinistic bully and had decided to have a go at a very young girl to show off in front of everyone.

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They say the customer is always right, but the truth is they aren’t always. Quickly recognising what was going on I asked him and his entire entourage to leave immediately without paying. We couldn’t satisfy him. He did protest I couldn’t do that to which the response was, I am the owner and he needed to leave immediately, or I would call the police.

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To my utter astonishment, as his group left the customers around started applauding. They too hadn’t liked his behaviour and abuse to a youngster. Sometimes satisfying your customers can come in surprising ways. They got to learn they were safe and comfortable to dine in my restaurant!

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After customer satisfaction what about the complaint procedures. I have come to conclude the major corporates do not believe in it. Yes, they may have their websites, digitalised customer feedback surveys, tick boxes and ratings, but does anything ever change when needed?

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We have all heard the cliché statements that mean nothing. Like for example, we strive to operate to the highest standards, have an ethical approach on how we conduct our business, safeguard the environment, rigorous safety standards, care for our customers, etc., etc. Wouldn’t you in a good business do that anyway!

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It's meaningless, deal with the complaint you idiots.

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I do the Tommy Opposite test, reverse the statement and ask yourself would any company aim to do the opposite. Is it just a platitude?

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Most Brits don’t bother or give up. I don’t, because whilst I feel I have been shortchanged the most important thing is that if complaints are not raised and dealt with innocent people can lose their jobs because of the neglect and incompetency of others.

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Unfortunately, at times it requires an iron will and resort to the legal system. When you do complain invariably no one is listening you are just going through a routine exercise to validate their own way of doing things.

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How many times do you make a complaint to be told you need to talk to another department? Why can’t they transfer you themselves?

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Why do you get the feeling that there only concern is to reach out for the most appropriate standard response rather than give the confidence they have understood your point and give a specific response. Even a negative one saying they can’t help for a valid reason.

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Purely coincidentally while I write, I have two complaints on the go. I shall not bore you with the details but one is a government-based regulator and the other a national broadcaster.

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On both, I am at stage three simply through sticking to my guns. One has transferred me to the Executive Unit whatever that means! Perhaps one step away from being fitted with concrete slippers for a swim?

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The regulator clearly had not read my nine-page submission supported by ten appendices of evidence justifying my concerns. The first-time round they reached for the letter ‘not in our remit.’ Apparently, I was a non-registered entity and therefore they could do nothing. When I complained and pointed out their own website stated they could become involved if the actions of their registered entity caused serious damage to outside parties, they changed their tune. The next excuse was that the nature of my submission was beyond government guidelines whatever that means. But I was referred to another website for information.

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Undeterred I am now at the third stage stating I am not prepared to be ‘played or patronised’ and I will refer to our exchanges should I be asked to make a witness statement to the Police or a High Court Judge. I have gone through the formal process of making a third complaint.

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I am also at the same stage with the national broadcaster on the question of ‘Impartiality.’ I got the normal corporate speak and platitudes first time round but then told the issue I had referred to had complied with their internal policies and procedures. That wasn’t my argument, it was their actions breached their operating license. They are thinking again.

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Before I give the impression, I am a ‘professional know-it-all or complainer,’ I am not.

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I might be an old grisly old bear in hibernation from the cold winter, but when I get continually get poked by sharp sticks to test whether I am still breathing, the claws get extended!

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