The curse of Misinformed Empathy

Only at the peak of one’s helplessness does one contemplate the damages in one’s life. Sushant Singh’s sudden demise took social media by storm and initiated discussions and raised certain significant questions. Social media is flooded with posts and tweets asking questions about plausible reasons for his death. Not only we have found the culprits but also declared punishments. Individuals talking about depression and the importance of mental health is a good sign, but are we equipped enough to talk and comment on such a sensitive topic? Are we discussing the right questions? Are we forwarding and supporting the right information regarding this?

Individuals have been kind enough to lend their ears to those who need help, but do we really know how to help? I hate to be the myth breaker, but we are way too misinformed.

A study reported in WHO, conducted for the NCMH (National Care Of Medical Health), states that at least 6.5 percent of the Indian population suffers from some form of serious mental disorder. The average suicide rate in India is 10.9 for every one lakh people.

The following statistic depicts the results of a survey about the perception of people with mental illnesses across India as of March 2018. During the survey period, around 56 percent of respondents believed that people with mental illnesses talk to themselves. And none of the top answers included any of the actual symptoms. Isn’t It Shocking?

Depression is not a modern age disease. Depression was first coined in 400 B.C as ‘melancholia’ by Hippocrates. Even after knowing it for ages, we are still unsure about what exactly it is and is still tough for certain societies to accept its existence. Although social media “heroes” speak like an expert, it is a dark force often camouflaged under smiles and happy faces.  Talking about the death of an individual without knowing what the individual went through in his head, accusations of cowardice, or bullying of individuals labeled ‘supposedly’ as culprits- Is this is how we are going to fight depression as a society? It hurts to say this but in spite of something good coming out of it, we may worsen the situation. We all have good intentions to try and help individuals seeking help, but before that, we ourselves need to comprehend the underlying subject.

What does it feel to be in Depression?

Imagine you are locked in a sound-proof invisible glass case struggling to breathe. There are people all around but nobody helps you because they are too busy to notice you. And then finally someone notices you and tries to help. Then many other people also come and surround the glass case. They all are and asking you to come out without trying to understand why you are unable to. Their constant advice is confusing and further suffocates you. You need an expert locksmith who can pull you out. No one understands. They advise you for a while and then leave. Life goes on. But you are stuck there. You feel like giving up on your struggle. That’s how it feels like when someone is in depression.

What Causes Depression?

We commonly associate depression with failures and traumas which is only partially true. Depression is 40%-50% genetic. Rest is the influence of biological and environmental factors. Studies have shown that chronic exposure to stress can lead to depression, but stress is not the sole cause of depression. In countless situations people do cope up after facing traumatic events like mental or physical abuse or loss of loved one, however, in many cases, even one small fight or failure in the examination has led to disastrous outcomes. So, is it right for us to say the person in question was a coward? No. COVID killed few and mostly recovered. Why is it so? Immunity, Right. So, do we blame the person for having low immunity.? It’s the same as the case with depression. Different people have different coping mechanisms and it largely depends on the neurobiology of the body. Some people are more susceptible than others. Two people exposed to the same levels of stress may respond differently. So, next time when you say a friend to buck up and move on as you have and he is unable to, try to understand you both are different people with different genetic and biological structures. Also, you might be surprised to know that around 10% of people who suffered from depression didn’t have any stressful triggers. Post-Partum depression is a very good example to explain this.

Not all victims of depression if left without medication or care would commit suicide. But it reduces their quality of life. They just exist instead of living. There are many unaddressed cases of mild depression who are unaware, neglected and in most cases consider this a part of life, as Biswa once said “Ye Kaha Dark Hai, Ye To Jindagi Hai.” That really sums up the outlook of most individuals. This needs to change!

Loose association: Sadness vs Depression:

We all experience sadness and stress in some instances in life, like failures in exams, breakups, financial crisis, loss of loved ones. It is part of the natural process of grieving, and every single one of us develops a different way of dealing with it. It is not always Depression although its loose usage in our conversations has led to a loss in its true meaning and effects associated. Even a bad day is termed a depressing day at times. Similarly, just the likeliness of clean surroundings cannot be termed as OCD (obsessive COMPULSIVE disorder). There is a need to understand the differences between sadness, stress, and depression. Then we might be in a position to advise. Please say, I am sad instead of I am depressed after a bad day next time.

What are the common symptoms we should look for?

• Irritability, Low energy, fatigue, increased agitation
• Physical Discomfort - Inability to move, Numbness, Body Aches, Joint Pain, Nausea, Dizziness
• Low self-esteem and constant spur of feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and guilt
• Decreased ability to concentrate and think, feeling empty
• Decreased or increased appetite accompanied by weight loss or weight gain
• Insomnia or hypersomnia
• Decreased interest in pleasurable stimuli (e.g., sex, food, social interactions)
• Recurrent thoughts of death and suicide

Many of the above symptoms might overlap with other illnesses. So, sometimes it becomes very difficult to identify clearly(Links associated at the end of the article for further exploration). Preferable to seek medical assistance in case of queries or doubts. If these symptoms persist for more than 2-3 weeks, then you must consult a doctor. It may or may not be depression but getting checked will not hurt.

Common Questions asked:

Do Yoga, meditation, traveling, hobbies, and other recreational activities help?

Yes, it does, although its relevance changes according to the situation. Take the cold and flu season. As preventive measures, you avoid soft drinks, wear full sleeves, and stay indoors but still might catch flu, Right? Then you require doctor and medication to help you get well. Similar is the case with healthy living habits and recreational activities. They are environmental factors that may prevent depression by calling off triggers. Although, you may still fall a victim to depression and these things are less likely to work once you are in that phase. Because symptoms of depression might not allow one to follow any of these. Patients may feel numbness in the body, inability to move as if tied to heavy metal chains or floating in the air. It feels like climbing mountains to even get out of bed and complete daily tasks and extremely difficult to concentrate. Just like patients suffering from dyslexia (Ishaan from ‘Taare Zameen Pe’) aren’t able to read or write, similarly, people suffering from depression would feel helpless in doing the above tasks. So, now we know when we should advise people for these activities and when not.

Does Talking help?

Yes, talking helps. A strong support system helps. It helps one to prevent falling into depression. If someone is stressed out and facing tough times, you must talk to them. You must support them. Although, most times when an individual is facing depression, they would want to shut the world and prefer to stay alone. You trying to talk to them may feel like continuously bugging and irritating marketing call. It may further suffocate them. So, if you find someone in such a situation, don’t try to push, suggest medical help and keep a watch.

What not to do?

Don’t be a bully unknowingly – Many times in our college or office groups, we have that one person who is normally targeted every time or ‘Name-Calling’. We always think of that as an innocent joke made in a light mood and that person may also smile or laugh. It may slowly hamper their growth, lower their confidence, and mentally scar them for life. It is not true for every case. But we never know who is susceptible. So, we should always try to avoid this.

Depression is not a cry for attention- Depression is never any person’s choice. It may sometimes look like attention-seeking behavior because of sudden emotional bursts and certain inexplainable physical incapability. But the truth is nobody likes to feel helpless and on the pity of others. Nor depression is cowardice. We need to comprehend the difficulty and pain one must be going through to take drastic measures. It is often quoted, “It is your choice to be depressed and waste your life or get up and move on.” It is often not the case. So be sensitive next time before giving such advice.

 Bias against medicine- Don’t discourage someone from seeking treatment

There is a lot of stigmas attached to medicines that improve mental health. We often do advise people to talk, involve in recreational activities, meditate and I do believe all of it might be quite helpful. At the same time, it is not a one size fits all approach. For people with mild symptoms, sessions with counselors can be enough sometimes, but if one is having moderate to severe symptoms, it is important to acknowledge the need for medications. Because, I emphasize again, after all, it is a neurobiological disease, not just a feeling which would go away.

How to identify if someone is facing depression?

We should understand that one in depression would never come to you, you need to be emotionally available to discover it. Even after knowing all the symptoms, it is very difficult to identify a patient of depression. A lookout for certain common signs might help identify, like repeated and sudden instances of going blank during conversations, sudden withdrawal from social life, past traumatic symptoms, sudden bursts of anger or sadness, change in behavior, or emotional index. If these changes persist and are chronic, there is a possibility of something going wrong. But again, each patient will be different, will show different signs and even a regular person can show all these signs. So, we need to be careful and sensitive. Please, before any action, educate yourself.

In the end I would like to mention that it may look scary, but it is curable. And always the most important thing for a person dealing with depression would be a ray of hope. Try to be that ray of hope in someone’s life. And that will make all the difference.

Adios!! Be sensitive! Stay Healthy!

Sources:

Abramson, L. Y., Metalsky, G. I., & Alloy, L. B. (1989). Hopelessness depression: A theory-based subtype of depression. Psychological Review, 96(2), 358–372

Amy Thurlow, 2017. 10 Analogies That Perfectly Capture Depression.[Online] Accessed from https://www.scarymommy.com/10-analogies-that-perfectly-capture-depression/

Eric Nestler At el, 2002. Neurobiology of Depression. [Online] Accessed from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0896627302006530

India is the most depressed country in the world, 2019. [Online] Accessed from https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/gk-current-affairs/story/india-is-the-most-depressed-country-in-the-world-mental-health-day-2018-1360096-2018-10-10

Karen Bruno, 2020. Stress and Depression. [Online] Accessed from https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/stress-depression#1

Sandhya Keelery, 2019. Stress and Depression. [Online] Accessed from https://www.statista.com/statistics/933008/india-mental-illness-perception/