The "curse" of being empathetic
I have long known that I cry easily. In fact, one of my report cards from pre-primary noted, "Jaco cries too easily. He will need to be less sensitive". Ah, the 80s. Where boys needed to toughen up and girls had to know their place.
Since then, I have come to terms with my crying "problem". Realising that crying was an outlet, an emotional thermometer. At first, I have always been embarrassed for crying. Over time I realised that the water works is a way to gauge what I was feeling. When I am sad, when I am overwhelmed with joy or simply just feeling something I was yet to figure out.
I have also learnt, that I often shed a tear when I see someone else feel something. Even if they don't cry. This was so weird to me. How is the person going through something not crying, yet I was?
Over time I learnt, it was me reflecting their emotions. The definition of an empath being: "someone who has a strong ability to sense and feel the emotions of others". At first I observed and sensed others' emotions. In some scenarios I landed myself in some trouble. Feeling so much of others, that I had to go back to therapy and back on my meds.
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I had to learn the importance of boundaries. Protecting yourself from people that abuse your sensitivity. I also learnt, that you develop an excellent bullshit barometer. Knowing when the emotion is conjured to manipulate you, or whether it is in fact, sincere.
Alas, I think the "problem" has served me well. Now, when I cry...I hope that people can see it's become my super power, rather than my weakness.
Jaco (the cry-baby) de Wet
Creative Lead | Brand Strategy | Marketing
1 个月Thank you for sharing such an honest and beautifully written piece. It’s funny because, during the time we worked together, I never really saw this emotional side of you. What I did see was someone who genuinely cared about others and consistently showed kindness and support. I remember a particular moment when I was struggling. I might not have told you directly that I felt some of my efforts weren’t being recognised, but you told me to "keep putting in the work because no hard work ever goes unnoticed." While my work at the time may not have received the recognition I hoped for, your words stayed with me. Even now, when I feel my efforts aren’t being seen, I remember what you said, and it motivates me to keep going. Thank you for being a positive force in my life, even when you didn’t realise it. It’s inspiring to see you embrace your sensitivity as a strength, and I hope you know how much of a difference you’ve made. ?? ??
Senior UX designer at Cloudsmiths
1 个月Ah but its such a valuable trait to have. It just means that you have a deep appreciation and understanding for what others are going through. Jaco you'll love the book 'Atlas of the Heart', it maps out and defines each human emotion beautifully. On empathy Brené Brown writes: "Empathy, the most powerful tool of compassion, is an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding." The huge advantages of being an empath: "Empathy helps interpersonal decision making; facilitates ethical decision making and moral judgments; enhances short-term subjective well-being; strengthens relational bonds; allows people to better understand how others see them; and enhances prosocial and altruistic behaviour."
Senior Product Designer | Certified Usability Analyst | UX Mentor & Growth Catalyst
1 个月Crying is indeed a pressure valve to the body. You’re one of the most insightful people cause your empathy is high and keeness to solve a users or persons pain is so deeply routed. I’m honoured to be around those tears ?? it helps me gauge situations better too.