Curls and conversations
Praveen Kolluguri MBA
Disability/Neurodiversity advocate. Disability Power 100 2024. Mobile and Accessibility Propositions Manager. Equal Opportunities Advisory Committee Member, Prospect Union. All views are personal.
I am about to tell about something that is a daily experience of a lot of women, it's not like I didn't know it happens. But being at the receiving end a few times recently has given me a fresh perspective. I recognise that this is definitely a first world problem especially in the light of people what's happening in Rafah. However I wanted to say to get it off my chest, as I am clearly thinking about this 5:30AM on a Saturday.
This is about my hair, people might be aware I have recently grown out my hair and some days the curls come out okay thanks to my routine.
People started saying nice things about it, which made me happy initially, however lately I feel that's everything some people are talking to me about. I can only thank them once and often lost for words after. I tried complementing back sometimes but felt awkward when it's not genuine.
It's a bit of a paradox, isn't it? On one hand, it’s flattering when people notice something positive about your appearance. On the other, when that’s all they notice, do you start to wonder if your personality went on vacation? There’s a thin line between feeling celebrated and feeling like an exhibit in a hair museum.
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It's now got to a stage where I was telling my wife that I want to cut it all off.
It also made me think about this peculiar thing about beauty standards and objectification—it doesn’t really matter where you are, it finds you. Recently, I was at a train station, minding my own curly business, when I became a target for some pesky kids. Was it random mischief, or did my hair somehow paint a bullseye on my back? Hard to say, but it did make me think about who becomes a target and why. It’s like there’s an unwritten rule that says certain looks just beg for commentary—or worse.
It also made me think how we do feel differently about certain victims as a society, like why some conflicts and victims get more attention than others and others whose humanity we don't care about when they don't fit our beauty standards.
I honestly don't want you to comment on this if you've been one of the people who've complimented on my hair as most of them have been fine and made me feel good, it's a cumulative effect of all the conversations rather than individual ones. Also, may be it’s worth thinking about how we interact with each other beyond the surface. Maybe next time, let’s mix it up a bit and dive into a conversation about existential dread, inaccessible world, or the latest comedy show you watched. I also probably just need to learn how to take a compliment, any tips are welcome!
Qualified Early Years Teacher (PGCE EYITT) with 1st class BA Hons in EY with Kingston University
10 个月I totally get this! It’s like when people compliment my curly hair some days, I then think oh does it usually look awful? Then when I straighten it people say they prefer it this way or that way. Why not compliment people on their character, actions, choices, achievements. People like to talk about these things in the same way they talk about the weather, through habit. I really don’t like it when people comment on peoples bodies, like “Oh you’ve lost loads of weight†or contrastingly “you look well†which I always feel carries undertones… why does how we look matter so much? Thank you for sharing your experience and insight in this ????