Be Curious, Not Judgmental: A Life Lesson from Ted Lasso

(also on Medium)

Some stories just stick with you, don’t they? One of those moments for me is from Ted Lasso. You probably remember the scene, Ted and Rupert squaring off in a game of darts. Ted pulls out a line so perfect it could’ve been written by Yoda himself: “Be curious, not judgmental.” It’s simple, powerful, and the kind of wisdom that stays with you long after the credits roll.

For this first post on the theme Nuggets from Narrative Culture, I want to break down why that scene is so impactful, share my own take on it, and explore how we can bring this lesson into our daily lives.

The Scene: Darts, Assumptions, and the Power of Curiosity

Here’s the setup: Rupert, the overconfident ex-owner of AFC Richmond, challenges Ted to a game of darts. Rupert’s so sure he’s got Ted figured out — just some clueless American — that he raises the stakes with a bet. Classic overconfidence.

Ted, as always, stays calm. And right when it matters most, he delivers a killer speech:

“Guys have underestimated me my entire life and for years I never understood why — it used to really bother me. Then one day I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw a quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on the wall there and it said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.”

“So, I get back in my car and I’m driving to work and all of a sudden it hits me — all them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything all figured out, so they judged everything, and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me — who I was had nothing to do with it. Because if they were curious, they would’ve asked questions. Questions like, ‘Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?’ ”

Turns out, Ted’s been playing darts with his dad since he was a kid. He nails a perfect bullseye, leaving Rupert stunned. The takeaway? Rupert judged Ted based on surface assumptions, but Ted’s curiosity gave him the edge — and the win.

My Personal Connection: Curiosity as a Lifeline

For me, “be curious, not judgmental” is more than just a cool mantra. I remember a time at work when I was stuck dealing with someone whose behaviour made collaboration feel impossible. It was frustrating — like trying to push a boulder uphill. When I vented to my coach, Nance, she offered this advice:

“Stay curious. Don’t let their behaviour drag you into judgment. Instead, lean into your natural curiosity and positivity. That’s your strength, your light, you shine when you bring your curious self forward”

Her words were a game changer. Instead of getting caught up in my frustration, I started asking questions. What’s behind their behaviour? Why do they act like this? It didn’t magically solve everything, but it shifted my perspective and helped me manage the situation with a clearer head.

Lessons From Ted (and Life)

Ted’s dartboard moment is packed with life lessons. Here are a few standouts:

Judgment Limits Understanding Rupert thought he had Ted figured out, but he didn’t bother to dig deeper. Judging people closes doors to understanding them — and to discovering their strengths.

Curiosity Builds Empathy Choosing curiosity over judgment helps you see the bigger picture. In my work experience, it allowed me to look past someone’s actions and consider what might be driving them.

Curiosity Fuels Resilience Ted’s calm confidence came from his openness. When you’re curious, challenges become opportunities to learn instead of reasons to stress.

Know When to Let Go Sometimes, curiosity and persistence won’t fix a situation. That’s when you need to step away. Rebecca’s journey in Ted Lasso shows this perfectly. She lets go of toxic baggage to make room for better things.

Bringing Ted’s Wisdom Into Your Life

Ask Questions, Don’t Assume: When you’re stuck, pause and ask, “What don’t I know here?” Curiosity can reveal what judgment hides.

Listen to Understand: Really listen to people, not just to reply. Pay attention to what’s unsaid as much as what’s said.

Challenge Your Own Judgments: When you catch yourself judging someone, stop and think. What might curiosity uncover instead?

Adopt a Growth Mindset: Treat challenges as opportunities to grow. Every tough situation has something to teach if you’re open to it.

Know When to Walk Away: If a situation remains toxic, ask yourself, “Is this worth it?” Sometimes, letting go opens up space for better things.

End Credits

Ted Lasso isn’t just about football; it’s about life. And “be curious, not judgmental” is one of those lines that hits hard because it’s true. It reminds us to stay open, ask questions, and not let snap judgments hold us back. Whether you’re navigating work conflicts, relationships, or just life itself, curiosity is your superpower. Use it well. Barbecue sauce.

References:

Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbescoachescouncil/2022/04/08/be-curious-not-judgmental-a-leadership-lesson-from-ted-lasso/

IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11193418/

The scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S16b-x5mRA (warning: profanities)

About Nuggets from Narrative Culture

Nuggets from Narrative Culture is my way of sharing the cool ideas and life lessons I find in the stories I love — whether it’s a movie, TV show, book, anime, or comic. For me, consuming stories isn’t just about entertainment; it’s about sparking curiosity and expanding the way I see the world. Stories inspire me, challenge me, and help me grow.

Through a series of posts, I’ll take you on a journey into narrative culture — a fancy way of saying “the stories we create and share.” I’ll pull out lessons, insights, and takeaways you can use in your own life. Whether it’s a thought-provoking line, a character’s growth, or a moment that shifts your perspective, Nuggets from Narrative Culture is about finding meaning in the stories that spark our imagination.

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