Curiosity died and gave way to fear

What happened to our curious younger Self? And other questions..

Question: Where do you see yourself in the future?

Answer 1:

“I want to be an astronaut who is a part time superhero. I want to become a Judo champion who also has an office with a lot of people and I will drive my own car when I go to that office. Ooh ooh I also want to be a skater and a pilot.”

Answer 2:

“I see myself leading a company of xxx success, drawing a salary of Rs. xxx per annum. Hopefully, I’ll also own my house and the car of my dreams by then.”

Somewhere between these two answers, something within us changed. Each of us has a version of the vague phrase - “life happened” to explain this metamorphosis. As life and its responsibilities progressed we made a (conscious or unconscious) decision to capitalise on those aspects of life that give us the most return on investment and safety. Along the way we also jumped ships from being a child filled with imagination about a future in which he or she could be a little bit of everything to becoming an adult who is too tired to do anything but pursue a career. We shed our magical cloak of imagination, creativity and play of our inner child to chase a goal that the adult inside us advised would be the best investment.

But, what happened to the residue left by our curious younger Self? Does it completely disappear?

We often vicariously relive these imaginative scraps of our personality through our children or those influencers, who put up interesting content online. They remind us of the remnants of our child selves who used to wholeheartedly engage in activities just for the fun of it, with no idea of the return on investment. We gawk at them, to temporarily comfort our past Self. We do this over and over again, until we are forced to forget that part of us ever existed.

But what if we didn't let that child within us die out??

I asked myself this question a few years back and it has transformed my way of looking at life by leaps and bounds. I truly found myself, the moment I accepted that there are many versions of me that craves to be satiated. That there will always be a small child in me, who wants to do things just for the fun of it. Simply because I want to. With no pressure to be perfect, she asked me to do things she loved.?

Two years ago, I uncovered her within my inner dialogue through art and my writing, with no intention to excel or perfect her. My inner child spoke to me about things that made life fun at first, she was the relief I needed after a day of serious work, but soon I realised that she was telling me something more grave than simply having fun. She helped me uncover something that I now realise, steered me away from most things I wanted to do with my life, even with my career. With her inner voice I uncovered the big fat pang of the fear of failing, that I carried around with me.?

In the perfectly curated competitive space that we work and live in, this fear has clawed its way through most of our lives. If you feel this way too, then maybe it's time for you to awaken the curious imaginative child inside of you.?

Believe it or not, there is a child inside you who is craving to retry the hobbies and skills you gave up, but ONLY if you let them. Your fear of failing at an activity or not being able to match the expectation of perfection that you have created for yourself, has equipped itself to create fantastical excuses for not allowing the child within to explore your world as it is today. At times these could be legit reasons but at other times it's just a free pass from facing your fears.?

Imagine this:

Say you pick up an instrument that you used to play as a child, let's say the guitar. You haven’t played it in a while so obviously you are a bit rusty. You play it for a bit and give up after a few tries because it's not as perfect as you’ve heard it before. Instead of giving your mind and body the time to recollect the process and get accustomed with the activity, you think “I am not good at this anymore”. You hardly ever think “I haven't done this in a while, and it feels so good to hold my guitar”.

Instead, let’s say that you give it a few more tries, you see that you are improving. You feel a bout of happiness and child-like excitement rise up from within you. Soon, you get into a flow, in which you don't bother too much about how long you need to do it or who is listening around you. You are simply connecting with a part within you who thoroughly enjoys playing the guitar. Almost as if dusting up a forgotten space within you.

Within this space, you’ve learned to face the fear of failing, to carry on the activity even if not perfectly done, to fall and try again and more importantly to focus on the small parts of the process that make up a whole. You’ve dared to do something you thought you couldn’t, did it anyway, and kept going. Isn’t this what we are looking for when we are faced with the innumerable challenges that our work projects throw at us? Who said hobbies and activities that force you to learn can't teach you life lessons??

These forgotten spaces have something in it that is truly curated for you to learn and carry forward in all aspects of life. All it needs is a little bit of time, commitment, a mindset to do it for fun and not judge yourself for the outcome.

As adults, we often tell children that in order to learn something new they need to be patient with themselves, and that they need to constantly remember that it's okay to not get it right on the first go. That it’s okay to ask for help. That it’s okay to fail. With this article I want you to repeat these words to yourself, as adults. Do it because, we hardly ever give ourselves the chance to simply “start” somewhere.?

To start something means to begin an action, not perfect it at the get go.

If you’ve found this article pertinent to your life, join my Mindful Visualisation with Art session.

Mindful Visualisation with Art is?a one on one session designed to assist you in slowing down your mind to connect with your inner Self and its infinite potentialities. It will be curated to suit your growth goals and requirements, all you have to do is share your details in this form to get in touch with me for a 15 mins introductory call.

Hello! I am a Leadership Coach, Mental Health spokesperson, writer, researcher and an artist. The Quaint Space is my initiative to create space for anyone who wants to explore the quaint spaces hidden in you amidst all the noise.